Thursday, May 18, 2017

Random Musings

After a lovely weekend, we are getting ready to leave the house for work; well, Carlos for work, and me for a visit to my hunky dentist Dr. Will. Carlos had made the Cafe con Leche, we’d had breakfast, watched the news, bitched about _____, and I went into the bathroom to make myself purty for the doctor.

When I come out, I see that Carlos has made the bed, and is sitting on the end of it. He says:
“Don’t panic. I think you need to take me to the hospital.”
First off, Don’t panic? Have we met? He knows the phrase ‘don’t panic’ sends me into a panic,  especially when the word hospital follows. I am normally a happy-go-lucky gay, but when I hear Don’t panic, my mind goes immediately to death and destruction.

At any rate, I asked what was wrong, and he tells me that he had a moment some three days earlier where he’d had to stop what he was doing—he was hoisting some yard refuse into the back of a friend’s truck—because he couldn’t catch his breath. And all.weekend.long he was short of breath and felt a pressure on his chest. All.Weekend.Long. I could have killed him for that alone.

So, off we go to the Smallville Hospital—yes, our small town has its own very good hospital—and the emergency room. He is seen almost right away and explains to nurses and doctors about his shortness of breath and his pressure. Any surgeries, they ask. He tells them he had his appendix removed some four, maybe five years ago, but looks at me because I’m better with dates.
“It was sixteen years ago.”
Oy! That man and dates. But again I digress ... they do blood-work and an EKG and a chest x-ray in the ER and all look very good. But they want him overnight to do more tests, like an echogram and a stress test.

I’m feeling relieved at the news, but still ... me, death, destruction. Carlos gets taken upstairs to a room and we sit and visit and he makes his phone calls, telling friends he’s in the hospital and No, it’s not for a face lift.

The next day he does the echogram and his cardiac doctor tells him they rarely see a perfect echogram but his is near perfect; the stress test is next—they either make you run on a treadmill, or they just stimulate the heart to mimic running. He does all that and then it’s wait and wait and wait.

Finally, at the end of the day those results come back and everything is good and normal, or Carlos’s normal, and he can come home.

We’ll see his primary care doctor next week for a follow-up, but it does appear that it was only a muscle pull or something that caused shortness of breath and pressure on the chest.

Now, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but that was my diagnosis from the jump ... well, after I stopped panicking, so why he didn’t listen to me ... oh, yeah, better safe than sorry.

Anyway, life is back to being good.
Now, on something just odd ...

Richard Patterson, 65, of Margate, Florida, above, is accused of second-degree murder in the choking death of his girlfriend, Francisca Marquinez, 60.

At his trial, Patterson would like the jury to see the weapon with which he ALLEGEDLY choked his girlfriend.


Patterson’s attorney claims his client accidentally choked Marquinez while she was performing oral sex, and to prove it, they would like Patterson to show his penis to the jury, saying its size is relevant.

The prosecutor had all sorts of questions:
“Is it going to be erect, or is it going to be flaccid?”

I would think erect because Patterson may be a grower not a shower. And, to be blunt, erect is how this all happened. The prosecutor also wondered how it would be presented to the jury.

“Do we do it in the back?”

Excuse me? Oh, my mind went there.
“Do we do it in open court?”

Yes, and have the court open wide .... ALLEGEDLY.
One nurse in the ER with Carlos this week heard his accent and asked where he is from; to be fair, his accent is part Spanish and part something else because even Latino people wonder where he’s from.

He told her, Mexico, and she said he was a long way from there; and then she looked at me and said,
“And you don’t sound like you’re from Smallville either.”

I told her I was from California, and she asked how Carlos and I ended up here from Mexico and the West Coast; I replied

“Witness protection.”

And then just smiled.
At the U.S. Coast Guard Academy graduation ceremony yesterday, presented _____  with a ceremonial sword and, jokingly[?], told _____ to “use that on the press, sir.”

Note to both Kelly, left, and _____, equal asshats:

Have you never heard the old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword?

Yeah, a pen will bring down this White House and no
t one sword can stop it. The pen s will work overtime until every last one of these asshats are gone from office, like ....
House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy—a Republican, because of course, and one of _____’s  closest allies in Congress—who told Paul Ryan, a month before _____ clinched the Republican nomination that _____ could be the beneficiary of payments from Vladimir Putin:
“There’s two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and _____.”
Rohrabacher is a Republican, because of course, Congressperson from California, who is also a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.

And when Ryan heard these words from McCarthy he instantly stopped the conversation from going further, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

McCarthy and Ryan had just come from separate talks with Ukrainian Prime Minister Volodymyr Groysman, who had described a Kremlin tactic of financing populist politicians to undercut Eastern European democratic institutions.

So, there you have it, two more GOP goose-steppers putting their party before their country; demanding silence and looking the other way. Every one of these enablers and traitors needs to be voted out of Congress.

Well, every week since January we’ve heard tale of it being _____’s Worst Week Ever but clearly this week, with him giving confidential information to the Russians and the news that he tried to get former FBI director James Comey to stop investigating Michael “Lock her up” Flynn, is the worst so far ... especially with these new polls:

One shows that, for the first time, more voters—48%—support impeaching _____ versus 44% who are idiots. Just 43% of those polled think _____ will serve a full term, while 45% think he won’t.

And, as with those folks in England who voted for the Brexit and then went, “Wait, what?” it appears that, by an eight-point margin, 49% to 41%, people wish Hillary Clinton was President.

Even better ... by a sixteen-point margin, 55% to 39%, they wish Barack Obama was still in office instead of Trump.

Cue Tweet Storm .
We watched Bad Moms the other night and it was better than I thought, though it did veer wildly from sweet and lovely to F-bombs and dick jokes. One thing it did have going for it was Jay Hernandez as the Hot Guy. He was the Hot Guy.

Also, while I don’t watch Dancing With The Stars—because, really, dancing? Stars?—I did cruise by the channel Monday night and saw one Rashad Jennings, apparently a football player of some sort, dance ... shirtless.

And, yeah, hot.
Well, _____ supporter, soap actor, and recent Chippendale dancer, Antonia Sabato Jr, has announced he might want to run for office.

His estranged wife, though, has announced Sabato is a drug addict and an adulterer.

So, yeah, he’s running as a Republican.
Sitting with Carlos in his hospital room, I kept seeing nurses and orderlies pushing the meal carts up and down the hallway.

I think they should do like flight attendants and have a drink cart for those people sitting with the patients.

I mean, I could’a used a margarita at several points during the last couple of days.
On Mother’s Day, Paul Ryan stepped out of Hell to pose with his Mother and Tweet this ridiculousness:

Luckily, David Frum, former G. W. Bush speechwriter, is, while still a Republican is also part of The Resistance, and so he trolled Paul Ryan for being the hypocrite that he is:


mistress maddie said...

"I think they should do like flight attendants and have a drink cart for those people sitting with the patients" That is brilliant....and I do spy a bottle of Hendricks on there!!!!!!!

Trump best not fill a whole term, I'll go looney if he does, and my health care would never cover it!!!!! These Republicans are only supporting him because if he is throw out, and goes back to his business, they want jobs with him when they are voted out as well.

I hope the dentist asked you before he filled your cavity?

And so glad and happy Carlos and Chez Bob and Carlos is back on the air for more episodes!

Anonymous said...

I hope you opened wide?

the dogs' mother said...

Very, very glad on the Carlos Report. :-) xoxoxox

Raybeard said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anne marie in philly said...

the dump is such a YUGE drama queen!

witness protection - bwhahahahaha!

drink carts in hospitals - YEAH BABY YEAH!

dontcha just LOVE it when your spouse says "don't panic"? happy to hear all is well at casa bob y carlos!

Anonymous said...

I feel you, Bob (in a totally platonic straight female way). Husbands can be so, for lack of a better word, frustrating! A few years back, my husband called me to let me know that he and his friend had been in an accident on the freeway. His middle age crisis car was totaled by a semi. He gave no details. He said the ambulance was taking him to a hospital and hung up the phone! His friend called me back to tell me that he wasn't mutilated or anything. I figured I could go to the hospital and mutilate him myself! We're coming up on 42 years of wedded semi bliss, and I haven't killed him yet, so there's that.

I am happy that Carlos is fine to bring future frustrating times to your joyous union.


Dave R said...

I think Antonio should do more gay movies, he's done 2 so far... in fact, I think that might be his real calling... at least then he might keep his mouth shut.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

To hell with bringing "Will and Grace" back to TV, they should do "Carlos and Bob" instead!

Bob Slatten said...

i knew you'd spot the Hendricks right away!

Helen Lashbrook said...

I voted Remain and get so frustrated with Brexiteers who complain at the rising cost of living, the shortage of nurses and doctors (they're all going home as the Prime Minister refuses to guarantee them the right to stay in the UK once Brexit has been finally agreed with the EU. I just want to say you voted for this mess and I'm paying for your idiocy!

Bob Slatten said...

I feel the same way about _____ supporters who are now complaining. I always say, "How come I saw this happening if that tool was eleted and you didn't? I mean, he's acting exactly like he did before ... a tiny fisted spoiled tyrant."

mrs.missalaineus said...

glad to hear carlos is ok!


Silverwynde said...

Good to hear that Carlos is okay.