Saturday, May 06, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

The other night, Mariah Carey was celebrating the launch of her new record label, Butterfly MC Records, at Catch LA, when a party on the roof took focus away from Mimi.

David Foster was at a separate party on the roof and began playing the piano while one of the waitresses sang ... live ... renditions of ‘At Last’ and ‘Respect’.

Carey, no longer the center of attention, and hearing someone sing live had to be airlifted from the venue and taken home where she was dipped in a vat of smelling salts.
Johnny Depp just cannot stop suing people; first Amber Heard and now his former management company, The Management Group [TMG].

Depp claims TMG mismanaged his money, losing millions, and TMG counter-sued blaming Johnny for blowing through his money like a crack-whore on a spree. And when Johnny slapped back saying he can spend his money on whatever he wants, TMG replied that he suffers from “compulsive spending disorder” and needs a “mental examination.”

TMG alleges that Johnny, who admits to spending $35,000 for a bottle of wine, also paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to a sound engineer to feed him lines on set through an earpiece. TMG claims Johnny insisted his line helper be kept on a yearly retainer so that he doesn’t have to memorize his lines anymore.

Perhaps if he didn’t drink $35,000 worth of wine every night he might be able to remember his lines on his won?
Since this is the week of the Met Gala, let’s dish.

Last year’s theme was fashion and technology, and the future of fashion, and most folks came as robots—or themselves in the case of Kim Kardastrophe—but fashion-slave, fashion-victim, fashionista, Sarah Jessica Parker wore what looked like Hamilton: The Musical costume cast-off. And so people at the Gala were all WTF and SJP tried to rationalize her decision but I guess it was too much because ...

This year SJP did not attend the Met Gala  :::gasp:::  and rumor has it that it was because SJP was so upset that no one “got” her fashion choice last year so she and her Gala date, Andy Cohen, skipped the event this year.

SJP says she was focusing on her HBO show, Divorce, but if you’ve seen it, you know no one is focusing on that mess at all.
Speaking of the Met Gala ... four years ago, Goopy Paltrow sniffed haughtily at the event and said she found it so boring she would never return:
“I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”
But someone must have had a newly steamed vagina to air out because Paltrow crawled the red carpet at the Met Gala this year.

Perhaps she’d forgotten how bored she was all those years ago or, more likely, since she recently signed a deal with the Devil who wears Prada, Anna Wintour, to create Goop: The Magazine, Paltrow was forced to attend and be bored and “un-fun.”

And she did it whilst wearing the knock-off version of that basic pink dress she wore to the Oscars the year Harvey Weinstein bought the award for her.
And speaking or hypocrites ... gosh I love a good segue ... Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham both also appeared at the Met Gala this year though both vowed in the past to never, ever return.

Schumer crapped all over the Gala in 2016 when she said it was the first and last time she’d ever go; she called it a “punishment” and said everyone was dressed up like “a bunch of fucking assholes.”

But, you know, Amy has a new movie coming out, so she dressed up like an asshole to whore out her latest film.

As for Lena Dunham, she claimed to have had a crappy time last year because Odell Beckham Jr. failed to hit on her—a statement for which she was appropriately raked over the coals, and forced to apologize.

But she, too, was back this year because her HBO show Girls is over and she needs a new gig and so, yeah, whore yourself out at a party you hate.

Sit down, girls, and stay home next year.
When we last left Carmelo and La La Anthony, their marriage was in the dust because Carmelo had ALLEGEDLY gotten a stripper pregnant and a lot of wives don’t like that very much.

Oops, it appears the stripper in question, while still pregnant, is not a stripper but works in, um, “education.” And, while Carmelo has said he will take care of his side-piece, and baby side-piece, he really wants to stay married to L La.

And he is doing everything he can to make sure La La knows how much he loves her and how much he wants to keep their bank account a joint bank account. And how is he showing La La his love? Get ready ... it’s the sweetest, most precious thing a man can do other than knocking up another woman ... he’s “liking” her social media posts.

Carmelo has been apologizing to La La and begging her to go on a date or a vacation via text, and also liking her Instagram posts.

Doesn’t that just scream “I’m sorry for fucking an educational stripper”?
Oh, Katy Perry. She joked earlier this year that she was a bad haircut away from becoming Brittney Spears circa 2008 and, well, it looks like she was right.

During an odd livestream over the weekend, newly-blond Perry told her fan ... singular ... this:
“Someone says, ‘I miss your old black hair.' Oh, really? Do you miss Barack Obama as well? Oh, OK. Times change. Bye! See you guys later.”
A black joke? Why it gotta be black?

The moment went viral and here’s what some folks said:
“I’m sure we can all do without @katyperry right ??? #Loser.”
“Not Katy Perry pretending to be a woke activist then making an insensitive joke comparing her hair to Obama.”
Perry, who once boasted about being “woke as f**k” for supporting the Black Lives Matter movement, has yet to comment on the controversy, but it’s not the first time she’s been accused of racial insensitivity.

In 2015, ‘Hunger Games’ star Amandla Stenberg accused Perry of appropriating black culture in her “This Is How We Do” video and in 2013 Perry was criticized for her Japanese-themed performance of “Unconditionally” at the AMAs.

Also in 2013, Grammy-winning producer Mano called Perry out for ALLEGEDLY referring to him and his pals as “n***as” and he joined in the TweetStorm against Perry:
“While she was juke’n my cuz she started calling us her ‘n***as’ and we asked her 2 stop a few times … she couldn’t understand why and we had 2 explain 2 her that it wasn’t endering [sic] and it was really offensive.No 1 cared that my feelings were hurt as a person. a famous caucasian person thought it was ok 2 say that word 2 me 2 relate with me.”
Here’s the deal, Katy: you aren’t funny. And you are inching closer and closer to being Britney With An Umbrella By An SUV. 


Helen Lashbrook said...

What is wrong with all these over-made-up, overdressed people? Try using soap and water and you might find that both dirt and fleas are dispelled!

mistress maddie said...

Hey, I'm all about a healthy lifestyle ad eating right, but I still like my junk food too, and I'm not about to steam clean my junk. But Goopy Paltrow's lifestyle has made her look like a wet cat in a dress. She looks sickly.

And imagine......poor Mariah being upstaged by a waitress. Singing live. You go girl!

anne marie in philly said...

a steaming shitpile of snark this week, bob! :)

losers all!

the dogs' mother said...

Another good Snarkurday!