It's Snarkurday!

Last week a story came out that Steve Harvey doesn’t want his staff speaking to him. He actually sent a memo—that was leaked to the press—suggesting they make an appointment if they needed to speak to him; it read, in part:

“Do not come to my dressing room unless invited ... Do not approach me while I’m in the makeup chair unless I ask to speak with you directly. Do not take offense to the new way of doing business. It is for the good of my personal life and enjoyment.”

Harvey didn’t apologize for the memo, he just claimed it’s “annoying” when people take advantage of his valuable time by talking to him.

Well, now Andy Cohen is playing that tune ... for a laugh. On a recent episode of “Watch What Happens Live” Cohen gave his Instagram followers a tour of his dressing room and showed off his brand-new accessory: a Steve Harvey doorbell that features picture of Harvey with a red nose that reads, “Ring to Enter”:

“This is my dressing room. We made a Steve Harvey doorbell and the Steve Harvey memo. If you open my door expect to be removed! Do not come into my f–king dressing room!'”

Cohen is joking; Harvey thinks he’s something special.

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For a while now we’ve talked Johnny Depp and his crazy spending habits, but all that may change if Depp doesn’t change his behavior.

At one point, Depp was ALLEGEDLY worth $650 million, mostly due to his exorbitant salaries from those endless Pirates of the Caribbean films, and some generous backend deals, but that may be over because he’s not as bankable as he once was, and he’s a lot to handle ... as evidenced by rumors of his behavior on the set of the latest, last, please, Pirates film.

It seems Disney execs are worried that Depp’s personal peccadilloes might impact the marketing of the $230 million-budget film and future of a $3.7 billion franchise. It’s been six years since the last Pirates movie—which earned a billion worldwide—and Depp’s last Disney project, Alice Through the Looking Glass, lost hundreds of millions of dollars for Disney.

So, this one better work or Johnny may find himself out of a pirate job and less likely to drink $35,000 bottles of wine.

Sources close to the production say the entire shoot was a mess, between Johnny’s ALLEGED excessive drinking, the ALLEGED physical fights with now ex-wife Amber Heard and the ALLEGED habitual tardiness on set, which left hundreds of extras waiting for hours on end and dollars being wasted.

Several times, the production staffers raised the matter of Depp’s tardiness with him, both on set and in his trailer, to no avail; so, producers actually placed a staffer in an unmarked car outside Depp’s rental home to call and alert those on-set that the lights had come on in Johnny’s house and he was awake:

“When he got up, he’d turn on the light, and the moment the light went on they’d call the line producer, who would then call the directors: ‘He’s up! He’s getting ready!’”

In addition to his tardiness, Depp also injured himself, slicing open his finger in what was rumored to be a booze-fueled fight with Amber, though the story put out by the studio was that he got it caught in a car door, or caught in a sliding door.

Gosh, it sounds like Disney is still spinning fairy tales in an effort to save their Billion Dollar Baby, but they may have to spin several more if they want to make their money back on a Johnny Depp film.

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Gabourey Sidibe, wanted to buy some glasses at the Chanel store in Chicago, but says she was treated worse than a Julia Roberts Movie Hooker on Rodeo Drive by the staff at the store.

It seems that when Gabby asked about the eyewear, the sales clerk—You work on commission, don’t you? Big mistake; huge—said they didn’t carry optical glasses and referred her to the discount store across the street.

Wait ... there’s a discount store across from Chanel? In what motherf**king universe?

Anyway, instead of wasting her time arguing with snotty Chanel store bigots, Gabby wrote an essay:

“I’d love to pretend she was being polite, and I’m sure she would love to pretend she was polite, but she was actually condescending. … I knew what she was doing. She had decided after a single look at me that I wasn’t there to spend any money ... I suspect it’s because I’m black, but it could also be because I’m fat. Maybe my whole life, every time I thought someone was being racist, they were actually mistreating me because I’m fat. That sucks too. That’s not OK.”

And, following the publication of Sidibe’s essay, Chanel issued an apology, saying:

“We are sorry that she felt unwelcome and offended. We took her words very seriously and immediately investigated to understand what happened, knowing that this is absolutely not in line with the high standards that Chanel wishes to provide to our customers.”

Wow, that’s not really an apology is it? It’s like a yawn-ology; a quick ‘Sorry’ and a ‘We’ll see about it.’

Hey Chanel? Gabby needs eyewear, a Chanel suit, custom-made in size Fabulous and a lifetime supply of No. 5. All on your dime. M’kay?

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Beyoncé never met anyone, or anything, she didn’t want to make a profit from, including her own child. See, she wants to trademark her daughter Blue Ivy Carter’s name, but apparently some wedding planning company with the same name keeps giving her the side-eye and a shake of the head.

And now Blue Ivy event-planning has now moved against Queen Bey for a second time ... the courts sided with owner, Veronica Alexandra, once in 2012, but Beyoncé will not give up—I think she’s looking for coins to pay for that lip work she had last week or something—and so now she has stopped trying to trademark Blue Ivy, and is trying to trademark Blue Ivy Carter in hopes that it’s different enough to make a difference.

Bey supposedly wants to start a whole “Blue Ivy Carter” brand that will include video games and beauty supplies. What? But, Blue Ivy—the wedding planner—says Beyoncé is a liar and just doesn’t want anyone else to use the name. They contend that Beyoncé’s motive for applying for the new trademark is to simply make sure others aren’t able to obtain the name, and not to market products themselves.

Well that sounds about right. I mean, video games and beauty supplies? Howsabout auto parts and lingerie, Bey?

Let it go. Besides, Blue Ivy Carter sounds like a mid-range brand of indoor outdoor carpeting.

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It looks like a New Couple Alert is in order ...

Yup, 67-year-old David Foster and 33-year-old Katharine McPhee were seen on a romantic dinner date at Nobu in Malibu recently and ALLEGEDLY treated fellow diners to some heavy-handed PDA:

“David and Katharine were very intimate during their dinner. David was seen grabbing Katharine’s face and kissing her cheek several times. Katharine was doing the same to David’s face and they were acting as if they were a couple. By the end of the date, Katharine sat on David’s side of the table and cuddled him with a blanket.”

Both these folks get around ... Katharine was recently linked to her Scorpion co-star Elyes Gabel, and before that, while she was married, she was ALLEGEDLY cheating with her also-married Smash director.

David Foster has been married four times—his most recent split was last year from wife Yolanda Foster—and he’s been rumored to have dated Selma Blair and Christie Brinkley.

Yeah, this one sounds like it has a sell-by gate of early June.

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Well, the feud has spilled off TV and into real life, er, “real life”, as several of the “Real Housewives of New York City” are privately complaining that Bravo has a favorite wife in Bethenny Frankel. And it appears that the feud also includes other “reality show stars” from other Bravo shows like “Vanderpump Rules” and “Below Deck.”

Below Deck, really? Isn’t that like the Ugly Stepchild of Bravo reality shows?

Anyway, it all started when Frankel was the only Bravo star—besides former network exec and current on-air host Andy Cohen—invited to Bravo’s parent-company, NBC’s upfront presentation at Radio City Music Hall.

An NBC Universal spokesperson, trying to clear the air, and keep the table-flipping, wig-pulling, champagne tossing to a minimum, says Frankel was there not as a member of the “Real Housewives” cast but to pitch her new show with “Million Dollar Listing’s” Fredrik Eklund, which has the working title of “Keeping it Real Estate With Bethenny and Fredrik.”

But that may not be entirely true, because just last year, NBC invited many Bravo “stars” to the upfronts, like “Housewife” Luann D’Agostino, and “Housewife” Kyle Richards and not really a “Housewife” Kenya Moore, along with castmembers from “The Shahs of Sunset.”

A source—and it might be jailbird Teresa Giudice—says:

“The cast members all want to go to hobnob at the upfronts. They always feel insulted if the networks don’t want to parade them out in front of the advertisers. And another sore spot is if they hear their castmates are invited and they aren’t.”

Bravo isn’t saying a word, and for once, Frankel is also quiet.

And is that a bad thing?

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At this year’s Met Gala there was brouhaha about the self-entitled celebrities who invaded the bathrooms to smoke and dish and made it near-impossible for the self-entitled non-celebrities to use the powder rooms.

So, what does one do if one is, say, JLo?

Well, since Jennifer Lopez doesn’t wait in long lines—unless it’s in the New Boyfriend Pickup line, or the Botox Injections line—she brings bodyguards to block the doors.

See, when JLo had to use the bathroom at the Robin Hood Foundation Benefit this week, four of her security guards closed it down so JLo could have complete privacy.

And so a long line of twitchy ladies, jumped and jiggled and wondered who was inside, and they finally figured out it was JLo when they saw her future next-ex-husband Alex Rodriguez loitering near the door. And once JLo had reapplied, security opened the bathroom to the general public again.

But, JLo and A-Rod, or as I call them, A-Hole, didn’t have security just for pee breaks; nope the team was also there to prevent them from being around regular people.

And regular people everywhere say, Thank you.

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Miley Cyrus, who gave up being Hannah Montana to be a Twerking, tongue-sucking, pot smoking nudist, has now decided to be more like Hannah Montana again because no one is interested in Miley Cyrus any more. And so how does she drum up gossip for her newest, oldest, incarnation? She tells stories that don’t make a lot of sense.

Cyrus—wait, isn’t that her Dad’s name now?—recently announced that her oldest and dearest friend in the world is Katy Perry, and that it started after Perry Katy wrote I Kissed A Girl about Miley. And, not only was the song about Miley, but it also jumpstarted her do whatever it takes to get noticed addiction.

“She’s been a friend of mine for a really long time. We were actually just realizing the other day that next year, we’ll have been friends for 10 years. I think that’s my friend that I’ve known the longest. Which is really, really weird. When [Perry] came out with I Kissed a Girl, I was doing the Hannah Montana movie, and I heard her on the radio. They said, ‘Who did you write that about?’ She said me! I screamed and started freaking out, and then she asked me to go to the VMAs with her. That’s when I started doing my whole VMA controversy. I was like, ‘I’ll go with Katy Perry!’ So that’s how we met and we just stayed friends.” 

Wait. You met after she said she wrote the song about you? So, then, you weren’t the girl she actually kissed and liked it?

Huh? I think all that weed has affected Miley’s memory and storytelling ability and self-importance because Katy Perry herself says the song was about Scarlett Johansson:

“I was with my boyfriend at the time, and I said to him, ‘I’m not going to lie: If Scarlett Johansson walked into the room and wanted to make out with me, I would make out with her. I hope you’re okay with that?'”

To be fair, Miley and Katy have kissed; but it was during Miley’s Look At Me phase, long after the song was written.
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