Saturday, May 27, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

Some celebrities tell everything about their lives, while others try to keep things secret, even when the secret is out of the bag ... Jamie Foxx. Katie Holmes.

See, rumor has it that Jamie and Katie have been a couple almost from the moment she tied Suri’s Prada diapers into a rope ladder and escaped Casa Cruise years back, but the two will never acknowledge their love.

Earlier this month, both Katie and Jamie were in Paris at the same time as Katie’s ex Tom Cruise. Thankfully they didn’t meet up, but Katie and Jamie’s ALLEGED hookup did nothing to stop the talk. And so when a photographer asked about his relationship with Katie, Jamie tried to laugh it off by saying:
“Fake news, fake news.”
But the reporter wondered if that was true, to which Jamie said:
“C’mon ...”
Jamie tried to stop the chat, but then the reporter said that Jamie and Katie “are really cute together” causing Foxx to stammer:
“I’m… Thanks for saying I’m cute.”
Then Jamie entered an elevator and made his getaway.

Look, here’s the deal, Jamie and Kate ... Jatie? Kamie? ... have been seen at various places around the world together and rumor has it they keep it on the down-low because Jamie has respect for Tom  since they starred in a move together 13 years ago and ...

Thirteen years ago? Sheesh, Jamie, get over it; you and Cruise aren’t going to be buddies off-screen or on, so come out on a real date with Katie already.

Tommy can handle it ... he’s got a whole church looking for his next wife.
Oh Mariah, you really are The Diva of The World.

It seems that Carey was set to film a cameo in an upcoming Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler film, and she was quite the demanding little lamb on-set. Rob Huebel, who is also in the movie, said Mimi was like this:

She was four hours late for her cameo.

She demanded that her trailer be decorated with all white flowers and stuffed lambs.

She refused to sing the song she was hired to sing.

And, when told that they wanted to do a scene that involved her being shot, she refused, saying:

“I don’t think my character would get killed by bullets. What if I deflected them like Wonder Woman?”

Let that sink in ...

Seriously? She’s filming a cameo—a one day ­job—and she’s making demands like she’s the star, and we all know about that Glitter bomb she made last time she starred in a  film.
So, a woman referred to as Jane Doe is suing the production team at America’s Got Talent because, she says, her daughter was traumatized when host Tyra Banks “physically manipulated and verbally abused” the girl. What, did Tyra try to force her "smize" fiercely or something?

Well, according to the 18-page suit it seems that Jane Doe and her husband, John, I’m guessing, were “publicly humiliated” by the AGT  judges and some audience members during a March 19 performance. The duo were performing a song they wrote about motherhood that celebrated their daughter’s birth and the “bond among the members of her family.” The song is apparently a favorite of Jane and John’s daughter, “Mary Doe” but, ALLEGEDLY Banks, the judges and some in the crowd were unmoved.

The suit claims that during the performance, Banks, “an individual acting as an agent of Defendants, physically manipulated and verbally abused Mary. Banks shook Mary’s shoulder, pulled Mary’s hair back and physically manipulated Mary. … Mary did not stop Banks’ conduct because Mary was fearful. Banks also insinuated that Mary was accidentally conceived, made fun of the performance and ridiculed [the song] in front of Mary, all in front of active cameras that were filming Mary. After the performance, Banks asked Mary to describe, in front of active and filming cameras, her opinion about Jane and her husband after they were publicly ridiculed by AGT ... As a result of her negative experience from AGT and Defendants’ abusive treatment, Mary was traumatized and became deeply depressed.”

Jane, John and Mary are seeking a jury trial, claiming intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress along with civil battery and civil assault.

Look, you wanna sue Tyra for being an obnoxious five-headed troll, then you have a case, but if you wanna sue Tyra because she tried to make your daughter look and act like she was a younger Tyra while Tyra played the part of Naomi Campbell, by making her pose and fixing her hair, you might wanna rethink.

Oh, and stay off reality TV.
The Taylor Swift/Katy Perry Spat is back in the news because Katy has a new album and Taylor has a new boyfriend.

It all started when Taylor claimed that someone ... Katy ... was always being mean to her and that someone ... Katy ... “stole” her backup dancers and tried to ruin her tour.

As with all Swift stories and songs, she’s the victim, until she gets called out on her lies, like when those “stolen” backup dancers say they were never stolen, they just liked Katy ... and her paychecks ... more.

And so Taylor wrote “Bad Blood” about Katy because, well, petty, childish, attention-seeker.
Anyway, this is Year Three of The Feud—and please, Ryan Murphy, do not make this a show—and now that Katy has a new album to promote, she’s talking ... again ... about the beef to James Corden who asked:
“Now, I want to talk to you about some famous beef. Because there’s Taylor beef ... and when are we going to clear that beef up?”
Katy replied:
“Well, there is ... there’s a situation. Honestly, it’s like, she started it and it’s time for her to finish it. It’s about backing dancers. It’s so crazy! OK, so there are three backing dancers that went on tour with her tour, right? And they asked me before they went on tour if they could go, and I was like, ‘Yeah, of course. I’m not on a record cycle ... and she’s great and all that. But I will be on a record cycle in about a year, so be sure to put a 30-day contingency in your contract so you can get out if you want to join me when I say I’m going back on.’ So that year came up ... and I texted all of them ... and I said, ‘Look, just FYI: I’m about to start, I want to put the word out there.’ And they said, ‘All right, we’re going to talk to management about it.’ And they did. And they got fired. And I tried to talk to [Swift] about it, and she wouldn’t speak to me. It was a full shutdown and then she writes a song about me.”
Now Katy says if she were to get a text from Taylor saying “the beef is off the grill,” as Corden put it, she would take that beef off the grill.

And possibly beat Taylor senseless with it so as to start anew feud because without a feud these two would just be two mean girls having a spat.
A Jessica Simpson interview is usually a mess because, well, she’s kind of an idiot and says really cringe-worthy things ... like on a recent interview with Ellen.

Jessica was there to promote her billion dollar fashion line—she’s the Hillbilly Ivanka where people slave to make clothes and accessories for her slap her name onto—and began by first saying that, for once, she’s not pregnant on an Ellen show because she has a IUD “up there.”

Ellen tried to shift topics to the birthday party Jessica recently threw for her 5-year-old daughter. And Jessica rambled on about renting mermaids for the party and how the mermaids needed to be carried to the bathroom by “manhandlers” since they couldn’t pee on her children in the pool.


Ellen again tried to salvage the conversation by asking Jessica how long she’s been with her current husband. Jessica said:
“7 years. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a 7 year relationship, other than with a woman, no, not that, you know!” 
Seriously? I mean, okay, so she’s making millions on a fashion line, but why does she have to take her Paul Abdul Meets Anna Nicole Smith With a Soupçon of Mariah Carey messiness to TV?

Anyone? Anyone?
You know, you always hear about celebrities who leave big tips for their servers at restaurants, but did you ever hear the story of the waitress who was fired for riding Orlando Bloom’s big, um, tip?

Well, 21-year-old server and aspiring actress ... because, of course ... named Viviana Ross was fired from her job at the Chiltern Firehouse in London after she hooked up with 40-year-old Orlando Bloom.

One night, after her shift, Viviana bumped into Orlando—whom she’s been serving all week—outside the bar and he ALLEGEDLY asked her to come up to his room for a drink.
She said ‘Yes,’ and then went upstairs and let him service her for a change.

The next morning, Orlando left for an interview and Viviana stayed in his room; when the hotel’s general manager entered Orlando’s room he found Viviana naked in his bed and when he asked if she worked there—which she admitted to—the manager left, and an hour later Viviana received a text informing her she had been fired after two months of employment for “fraternizing with clients.”

I think what she actually did was a different ‘f’ word.

Viviana is “hurt” especially since she fucked Orlando while she was off the clock and now has no way to tell him his big tip cost her a job.

But all is not lost, because Orlando heard via social media that his server, er, servicer, had been fired, so he called up the Chiltern Firehouse and asked for Viviana’s phone number so he could apologize.

For the f%k that cost her a job.

Still, now all those who work at the Chiltern Firehouse know the most fun way to get fired ... bang Orlando.
Dave Annable played the dimwitted, always saying and doing the wrong thing brother on Brothers and Sisters years back and apparently that’s just Dave.

See, when Dave’s wife wouldn’t put out for him, he decided to complain about her ... on Instagram. And even odder is that Dave’s wife, actress Odette Annable, had no issue with letting the world know she wasn’t putting out that night, saying she was “too busy tonight.” 

And so, posting the video from their bed,  Dave says:
“So you can’t just say out of the blue, ‘Dave, I can’t wait to have sex with you, just not tonight.'”
Wow. I started off the snark saying that maybe Jamie and Katie should share their love with the world, but if that means they’d become the new Dave and Odette, I’m thinking the down low is a better place to stay.


anne marie in philly said...

it stinks of lies and ignorance and batshit crazy in here; call in the fumigation team!

Jim said...

Jessica Simpson looks like another Mariah Carey waiting to happen as time goes by. BAM!

the dogs' mother said...

Dear Orlando and Waitress, have you folks never heard of STDs?

Raybeard said...

Christ Almighty! I never thought that Goopy would ever have to resign her crown as Queen of the Spoilt Brats, but it's clear she's met her match in Mimi, acting every bit like a 10-year old threatening to throw a tantrum if she doesn't get her way. Does she have ANY genuine fans left other than in her own deluded mind? Jeez! Just GO AWAY, woman!

And as for Mr Bloom, BLOOMin' hell! (Tee hee!)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

But doesn't Katy Perry look fab with her new butchy blonde look!

Harry Hamid said...

I believe I'd probably be a lot like Jamie and Katie were I a celebrity. Maybe that looks arrogant, a bit, but but I rarely feel the need to share.

Blobby said...

getting fucked by almost anyone is better than waiting tables. Bloom did that chick a favour. Two, in fact.