I was a huge Don Rickles fan. I mean, come on, I'm sarcastic as hell and love to make fun of people ... in a kind way, I like to think ::::cough:::: and so I loved his wit and his comebacks; I love not being politically correct all the time and I love saying things just to get a rise out of people.
Rickles died yesterday at age 90 and I am sure he was giving a zinger right up to the last minute ...
“Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.”
“Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.”
“Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.”
“I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.”
“When you enter a room, you have to kiss [Sinatra’s] ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.”
“Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.”
“The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.”
"You don’t have to call me 'sir' ... King of All Jews is enough."
“You know, every night when I go out on stage, there's always one nagging fear in the back of my mind. I'm always afraid that somewhere out there, there is one person in the audience that I'm not going to offend!”
“Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?”
"If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny, there is a difference between an actual insult and just having fun."
"You throw your best punch—otherwise, don't do it."
"My Jewish wife was supposed to come with me today, but she couldn't get off the bed ... the jewelry was too heavy."
"Is that your wife, sir? Jesus... what was it, a train?"
“Clint, I’m sorry, but I just gotta say what’s on everybody’s mind here tonight: You’re a terrible actor.”
"It's sweet of you, Dave [Letterman] — I know your busy schedule of going to the bank and trying to figure out what the hell you do."
“Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.”
“They warned me what a serious guy De Niro is. … They warned me not to make jokes. So the third day of shooting, I looked him straight in the face and told him: ‘I can’t work with you. You can’t act.’ The guy fell on the floor. He didn’t stop laughing for 18 weeks. Scorsese fell on the floor, too, but he’s so small we couldn’t find him.”
“Marty [Scorcese] … somebody get a phone book so you can see me. Forty million jobs in show business, I got a midget to direct me.”
“No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.”
“Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, How many more years do I have on this earth? But I can't really conceive of dying. Somehow, in my head, I don't think I'll die. I know that everybody dies, of course. I just think that it'll never come to me. It's crazy, but there it is.”
And thanks for the laughs.