It's Snarkurday!

In Hollywood, every time two women work together, there are always stories of “The Catfights.” Sometimes the stories seem really true—I’m looking at you on Empire, Nia Long—and sometimes they’re nothing but air.

Before Stepmom came out in 1998, there were rumors that costars Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts hated working with each other; both women denied the stories, with Julia calling them “boring.” In fact, Julia, at the time, said she’d wished someone had started the rumor that she and Sarandon were, um, well, f**king.

Cut to this year, with Sarandon working on Feud: Bette and Joan, and the rumors rising that she and costar Jessica Lange hate one another.  Susan was Tweeting about Feud recently and talked about the ALLEGED feud with Lange, and then twenty-year-old ALLEGED feud with Roberts. She said the rumor about Roberts was false and was started by her publicist to drum up buzz about the film. And then she tackled the ALLEGED feud with Jessica Lange:

“The #1 question I get in interviews is whether Jessica & I get along. Jess & I not only got along great during filming, we’re now dating”

And then added, because you know how people believe The Twitter:

“…I mean, staying in touch. She’s one of the reasons I agreed to do the series. Working with brilliant actors only makes you better.”

Look, the rumors about Roberts and Sarandon started because they were playing two women who, at first, did not get along, and the rumors about Lange and Sarandon started because they’re playing Crawford and Davis, two women who, well, truly did not get along.

Not every catfight is real ... unless it involves Nia Long.

Just sayin’.

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Now, this is high-larious!

Back in 2015 Shia LaBeouf was in a movie called Man Down in which he played a US Marine stuck in Afghanistan while his wife cheats on him with his best friend.

Man Down—which has yet to be released in America—was shown at a single theater in the UK over the weekend, and made a total of £7 ... or roughly $8.70 ... meaning one ticket was sold.

Ow.

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Harry Macklowe, a New York developer, is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case—and he’s laughing and skipping about it.

Outside a Manhattan courtroom this week, Macklowe giggled as he told reporters that he was handing his wife, Linda, half of his worth, $1 billion, just so she’ll go away and let him get on with his new love, French mistress Patricia Landeau.

And interestingly enough, Linda has yet to agree to the $1 billion Go Away settlement, and he entertained reporters with a Henny Youngman-style, Take My Wife Please, comedy routine and suggested reporters check out the stand-up routines he’s posted on Old Jews Telling Jokes.

Linda, though, is the only one not laughing, having filed for divorce in July after learning that Harry had put his mistress up in one of his apartments less than a mile away from their home.

Rule # 1: keep the mistress away from the wife.

Rule # 2: when the spouse offers you a billion to go away, go away.

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Folks are always saying models are dumb, but, c’mon, they’re rude, too.

When supermodels Cara Delevingne, Helena Christensen and Coco Rocha went to see “Hamilton” last week, their theater etiquette was almost non-existent.

First, while drinks were allowed in the audience at the Richard Rodgers Theatre, one model insisted at the America Express Platinum-sponsored event:

“We can drink inside and do whatever we want because they rented the whole theater.”

Well, yeah, maybe sip a cocktail but these gals were also talking during the show and taking photographs of the production. And one model actually said:

“We need tequila to stay awake.”

Cuz models are dumb ... and rude.

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Back in 2013, Amber Heard worked on a movie with Billy Bob Thornton called London Fields; it has never been released, and so I wonder, if it was, would it sell more than one ticket? 

We may never know, because it appears no one will ever see the film as things are getting messy.

Christopher Hanley filed suit against Heard for not honoring her contract by following the script and for not promoting the film upon completion; but, to his credit, he dropped his suit earlier this year.

But now Amber has counter-sued, claiming Hanley and his wife, Roberta, who wrote the script, filmed explicit nude scenes with her body double after she completed filming. Amber claims Christopher and Roberta—whom she calls a “lascivious and sexploitive couple”—filmed several secret nude scenes, including an “explicit pornographic sex scene” with her body double without her knowledge.

See, Amber had specific restrictions regarding nude scenes when she signed on to do the film and never agreed to the scenes in question. So, the scenes by the body double, naturally suggest that it was Amber being all porn-star-riffic when she was not.

But, to be fair, the porn scenes never made into the final, as yet unreleased film, but it appears the Hanley’s made add them to a special, most likely unseen, “producer’s cut” later on.

At any rate, is it just me, or does Amber seem to do more suing that acting these days?

Just sayin’.

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Harrison Ford just might be the new Lindsay Lohan ... or at least he Lohan’d his way out of big trouble over his recent airplane screw-up.

The FAA has ruled that they won’t take away Ford’s pilot’s license, or even fine him, for landing his plane on the taxiway instead of a runway at John Wayne Airport back in February.

Just like Lohan getting off with a slap on the wrist for driving drunk, Ford gets a spanking for flying the wrong way at an airport.

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And now, let’s end with One-Ticket-Movie-Star, Shia LaBeouf. He’s been a hot mess, a la Lohan, for a while now, but it seemed like he was getting his act, if not his acting, together, until ...

This week when he went into a rage at the staff of a Jerry’s Deli in L.A. Witnesses say he was downing beer after beer for about three hours and then staggered over to Pinz bowling alley—which is connected to Jerry’s—and pitched a fit about ... French fries.

Apparently, though the bartender kept serving him brewskis, he refused to give Shia and fries and LaBeouf LaBlewUp.

Shia doesn’t only lose it about French fries, he ALLEGED that the bartender wanted to hit him in the head with a bottle of Grey Goose—why waste good vodka?—and so he called the bartender a “fucking racist bitch.”

No one knows why he said that, unless he thinks the bartender only serves French Fries to the French ... or Grey Goose to Grey Geese.

Anyway, to add insult to injury, and to make it all seem more funny, LaBeouf was removed from Pinz in his rented bowling shoes and then had to go back inside to retrieve his regular shoes.

Talk about a walk of shame. 

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