Friday, January 30, 2015

PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 11: ♫ ♪ Going To The Chapel ♪ ♫ … In An Ugly Bridesmaid Dress

It’s off to Marchesa, this week, to their bridal studio and I am so hoping it’s not Wedding Dresses In A Day because I just can’t. But there, surrounded by tulle and lace and glitter and sparkle are Alyssa and The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™, who introduce the group to Georgina’s partner and co-founder of Marchesa, Keren Craig, and one of their clients, Dana, who will be getting married the next day.

Please tell me it’s not Make Dana A Bride Overnight!

Thankfully the challenge will be to design a versatile bridesmaid’s dress, suitable for multiple events, which will be worn by Dana’s bridesmaids in less than 24 hours at a wedding to be officiated by newly ordained Alyssa Milano.

God, there are really pushing the never-done-before-on-the-PR mantra!

And, since the bride will be wearing Marchesa, the dresses must fit the aesthetic of the Marchesa brand, as in glitter and lace and shimmer and silk. The designtestants have $150 and one day to, as Isaac said later, not “make it work, but make it happen.”

As a bonus, the winner will receive a Marchesa diamond ring, and two front-row seats, and all-access passes, to Marchesa's next show.

Keep the ring, just let me stand beside The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ but I digress … let’s rip …
DMITRY
He’s his usual smug self, making his usual pretty dress until Helen points out that it is almost an exact copy of the dress that Dana wore when she met the designers at Marchesa. I don’t know if it was on purpose, but Dmitry did say his design was based on Dana’s style and class … and the very dress he saw her in.

When Zanna Roberts Rassi comes around for the critique, she brings Georgina’s brother, Marchesa CEO Edward Chapman; they like what Dmitry’s done, but when he mentions trims and laces and embellishments, they warn him to keep it simple and versatile.
WHAT HE SAID
It has a lot of movement … beautiful drape.

WHAT I SAID
Helen was right; it’s Dana’s dress re-imagined. And it’s too long and just conservative.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Isaac doesn’t know where to start, but then calls it bad, with the draping and the ruching and the Cleopatra neckline; he calls it “so unattractive.” The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ says there’s nothing particularly wrong with the dress, but it isn’t new; it’s boring and safe. Later, she changes her mind and calls it offensively dull. Guest Judge Cat Deeley liked it, calling it her favorite, but agreed it was safe. Then Isaac and The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ get into a discussion about how it’s ‘not a disaster,’ and Isaac reminds us all that it’s PR: All-Stars, not PR: IT’s Not  A Disaster.

FABIO
I was excited to see him step away from the baby blue and pink pastels this week—but only because Dana The Bride showed them her ‘mood board’ in which the colors were all dark and rich. So, really, he had no choice.

Zanna and Edward come around and both like his look, and the detail on the shoulders, but worry that it’s still too minimal.

WHAT HE SAID
I’m really happy … if I’d had more time I would have resolved my issues.

WHAT I SAID
It’s too long! It doesn’t say wedding or party, it says drinks with the husband’s boss. And the close-up on the wonky hemline was just sad.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ asks, "Have you worked with satin-faced organza before?"  and when Fabio says "Yes," she says, "Then you should know better!" She is annoyed that Fabio is constantly getting a pass when he’s not been doing great work. Alyssa, on the other hand, liked that Fabio stepped out of his comfort zone, and loved the little sleeve detail, though she thought they could be better; she also hated the hemline. Cat also wanted the sleeve to be a bit longer, but likes that the dress looks modern. Isaac, after warning Fabio last week about being in the Bottom, says, “Well darling … this is not the worst dress I’ve ever seen.” He says it does not measure up to a designer on All-Stars.

HELEN
I always get a queasy feeling when Helen gets excited about doing couture, or gowns, or big dresses, because, when she does them, they really aren’t a Wow. But she wants this win; she wants to be the next Marchesa, though she’d be the Marchesa that has the tattoo of scissors going through her neck.

Zanna and Edward like the modern silhouette of her look, but Zanna worries that trim details make it look old.

WHAT SHE SAID
The fit of my dress is on point.

WHAT I SAID
It fits well, but from a distance, it’s a nice dress for the office; Helen’s habit of placing dark lace on dark fabric makes it hard to appreciate it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Cat called it flattering, and utilitarian, since the bridesmaid will do the heavy lifting of the bride’s train. Um … okay? The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it a nice, safe, versatile dress; it’s “appropriate.” Alyssa agrees about the versatility but found it heavy and kind of matronly. Isaac said it was oh so tasteful, but needed more. No one was really happy with it, but no one wanted to pummel Helen for it either.

MICHELLE
Michelle wants to win because she wants the ring because she is getting married again, but she also wants to do something she’s never done before and that has me worried. She’s going to hand-make appliqués for the dress and then stitch them onto it.

Zanna and Edward both wonder if it fits with the Marchesa ideal of romanticism.

WHAT SHE SAID
My bridesmaid looks adorable and happy … I don’t know if she realizes the fit is off.

WHAT I SAID
Way off. It looks like a long plum-colored sack, though, walking away it looks better. But is that because it’s walking away?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Michelle says she created the heavily detailed bodice because so many wedding photos are taken from the waist up, and Cat is instantly happy, though she didn’t like the dress as a whole and felt sorry for the model. Isaac hates the length, saying shorter is more fun, while Alyssa says the appliqués on the top are penis-like and the hemline is circus like; It’s a Weiner Carnival, y’all! The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls the sleeves unresolved but thinks it’s pretty, and liked that Michelle did something different.

SONJIA
This is Sonjia's week to have a meltdown, though I wondered why since she was on a high after winning last week., Maybe it’s because she has no idea what she’s doing when she’s buying fabrics and so she starts off way behind. Suggestion? Learn to sketch Sonjia, for chrissakes.

Zanna and Edward call it a great base, when they see what Sonjia has draped over the dummy, but add that it needs more detail. Luckily, Fabio has some details he isn’t using, which means Sonjia owes him a muffin basket.

WHAT SHE SAID
I love the open slit … a little sexiness.

WHAT I SAID
I don’t like the high-low look, but at least this looks like a party.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ is conflicted; she doesn’t know if she likes it or loathes it, but does like that it stands out from the rest of the drab. Isaac is baffled because it doesn’t look like anything Sonjia has done before; he says he doesn’t really know any of the designers, based on this runway. He loathes the heavy draping on the top, saying one side is “boob” while one side is “schmoob.” Cat called it a Studio 54 jersey dress, which makes it sound old, and perhaps covered in cocaine. Alyssa was the lone standout, saying she gave it the highest marks, though given what we saw is that really saying anything?

No one wins and they were all Auf’d.

I kid. Though, seriously, no one should have won this week because they were all bad.

But Helen won the ring and jumped for joy — well as much as someone as morose as Helen can show joy. I kept thinking, “Why are you so happy? You were called the best in a show of the worst. Not high praise.” But Helen got the ring and the tickets to a Marchesa show.

Sonjia is next and she’s safe, followed by Dmitry, which leaves Michelle and Fabio in the Bottom. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thinks Fabio should go because they’ve forgiven him too many times this season, while Isaac thinks Michelle’s appliquéd sack is the worst.

But since this is a Marchesa challenge and The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ is Marchesa and since Isaac warned Fabio about being in the Bottom again, Fabio gets the boot.
God, what a bunch of ugly dresses. No joy; no sense of party or wedding. I seriously think when the designers heard the dress had to be versatile, they thought it meant it had to be worn at a wedding and a funeral; and Sonjia’s would have been worn to a funeral at Studio 54.

I giggled though, because there’s always that joke about ugly bridesmaid dresses, but can you imagine having to wear an ugly bridesmaid dress — and, let’s be real, these were all ugly dresses — on freaking TV? Dana owes each of her friends a large muffin basket for putting them through that.

I also wondered if, after the judging, and giving Helen a ring and some passes to her show, if The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ didn’t stomp off backstage to kick a few mannequins around. That’s what I would have done.

I’m sorry to see Fabio go, though, after all those weeks in the Bottom, it was time.

The Tents? I see Dmitry and Sonjia … and Helen. I think next week, unless Michelle stops making overindulgent sack dresses, she’ll be next.

What did YOU think?



3 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

It is a good thing that bridemaids are often young and look good in a lot. Mine were in a peachy-orange, it was the very late 70s.... I remember being dressed up in a Christmas themed outfit as a maid of honor in another wedding - that marriage didn't last long...

The bridesmaid challenge was okay (except for the product) but a wedding on the runway with a newly ordained hostess/host --- omg! We muted the whole thing. Just looked at the previews - dogs?! And Helen spewing something... ak!

Susan said...

At this point I see who you see going to the tents. And Michelle should have been gone way before now, IMO. This has been one of the most lackluster groups ever. I still feel bad about Justin.

Mark in DE said...

First, as you accurately noted, all of those bridesmaid dresses were UGLY! Second, it was a freakin' Marquesa challenge, but none of the dresses had any beading, sequins, or sparkle of any kind. These were the LEAST Marquesa-inspired dresses I could imagine. Very, very disappointing.