Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Bob's Golden Globe's Fashion Round-Up! YeeHaw!

MY BEST
Julianne Moore; she takes risks with fashion, and sometimes bombs. Recently she wore a bright yellow, turtle-necked, long-sleeved ball gown made of neoprene … I know. But this silver sequined, ombré number, trimmed in feathers was avant-garde and haute couture and fabulous!
THE BEST
Clockwise from top left
Emma Stone; I love her sense of humor, and that she knows the Globes aren’t some stuffy Oscars ceremony, so why not play it up with a fun jumpsuit and giant bow? Loved it.

Jessica Chastain; she usually goes a bit more demure, but really rocked a shiny copper plunging neckline. And she knows how to do that old Hollywood glamour hair. Take note Alison Williams.

Diane Kruger was chic and cool and modern, like a Grace Kelly for the new millennia.

Lupita Nyong’o usually rocks the carpet and this is no exception; flirty, fun, flowers, shows she was there to have a good time.
VERY GOOD
Clockwise from top left
Emily Blunt looked like a Grecian Goddess with a simple cut-out. It’s very good, but not great.

Gina Rodriguez; I don’t usually like those dresses with the see-thru pieces at the bottom, but this one moved well and seemed fun and wasn’t so daring. Plus, Gina Rodriguez won a Globe and just might be the new It Girl in Hollywood.

Heidi Klum looks a little too tan and a little too thin, but after some misfires on the red carpet — including that fringe get-up from the PR she wore — she returns in a stunning red number. Slinky and sexy.

Viola Davis would have scored higher in a different color because she really looks great in all colors, just not this red. I do like the cut and the embellishment and it is Viola so, yeah, it’s Very Good.

Lorde. Good lord! Or Good.Lorde. It was young and fun and fresh and new. She’s no actress up for an award, but a pop star up for an award so she took the pop star cue and worked it.

Kate Beckinsale. She’s very good; she’s always very good. I’d like to see her take more of a risk and I’d like to see her stop wearing that hairdo at every awards show. Still … stunning.
GOOD
Clockwise from top left
Helen Mirren. Even for a woman her age, Helen knows what to cover up and what to show off. And the glitter on the décolletage is perfect.

Jessica Lange. Okay, maybe some folks didn’t like this but, to me, Jessica Lange can do no wrong; no nowhere, not no how!

Taylor Schilling. I usually don’t like ball gowns, and I usually don’t like red, but she kept everything but the dress simple so she looks very chic. Red is the new black for the carpet.

Melissa McCarthy. Say what you will — I heard Schoolmarm — but I like that Melissa McCarthy takes a chance and I think this is fun and cute.

Ruth Wilson. Okay, the fabric is plain, like kitchen curtains, but Ruth gets a Good because of the color — one of the few non-black, non-white, non-red numbers on the carpet — and because she was fabulous in The Affair and deserved to win.

Lena Dunham. Lena generally gets a WTF from me because she looks like a piece of cotton candy, or a giant yellow shuttlecock. But this is cool and simple and structured and not over the top. Good.
M’KAY
Clockwise from top left
Amy Adams. We get it Amy, you’re an actress! But try a little something different. This is perfectly fine but do you really wanna look just fine?

Christine Baranski has a rockin’ bod, and I love the color and the design, but the fabric is just kinda sad. It lacks pizzazz!

Kerry Washington loves her color-blocking but this is a bit too stiff and too long or too short and the fabric looks like the fabric some people use on cat beds so it they pee the urine won’t be absorbed. Seriously, that was my first thought.

Felicity Jones has the same problem as Baranski. It’ a fabulous dress — from the back you could see the hundreds of buttons — but the color and the fabric choice are kind of drab.
MEH
Clockwise from top left
Anna Faris. Okay, so she brought her newly hot husband Chris Pratt so maybe that’s why she chose this subdued sequin number that looks more negligee than night out.

Felicity Huffman. She looks fabulous … if this was a Golden Globes luncheon. It’s not.

Jennifer Aniston. Gosh she wants an award so bad that she gave no thought to the dress, with its too high slit and weird cummerbund looking thing. Plus a little more hair might have been nice, but I get it, she’s trying to show she’s a serious actress.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss always plays safe. Sleek dress, sleek hair. It’s enough.

Sienna Miller. Now, as a gay man, I still like some boobs, and had Sienna had boobs, this might have been a better choice; as it is, it looks like a very expensive apron.

Reese Witherspoon. The movie for which she was nominated was wild. This dress is Yawn.

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Okay, you know it’s the Globes so you pick and flesh-tone strapless number. And you know you’ll be suiting for a long time so you wear a dress that wrinkles. Stop.

Katie Holmes. The dress is pretty enough, but it’s that cheap pony tail extension that bothered me and the fact that when she appeared to present, everything about her, mouth, eyes, and head, tilt when she talks.
BAD
Clockwise from top left
Amanda Peet. So, your original dress was ruined so you bedazzled a bed sheet? Seriously?

Anna Kendrick. This dress has the measles. Plus, Anna Kendrick never looks like an actress or whatever; every time I see her I think she works at my grocery store.

Salma Hayek. The dress is nice. The little matching handbag is not. And that thing in her hair? She’s trying too hard to be Cute Bride and it doesn’t work.

Keira Knightley. This is haute couture Chanel, and I’m guessing the good people at Chanel, knowing Knightley was pregnant thought it might be fun to use diapers as trim because that’s what it looks like. Plus, the thing around her neck looks like a bib she’d wear while getting her make-up done to keep it off the dress. I won’ say a word about the butterfly sequins or that giant-assed butterfly on her wrist.
THE WORST
Clockwise from top left
Camilla Alves is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a tablecloth.

Christy Teigen is a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a doily tablecloth.

Jennifer Lopez wishes she was a model and you’d think she’d know better than to show up wearing a duvet cover. But I’ll give her props: not many women could wear that much fabric and still give that much hint-o-vagina and that much boobage.

Julianna Margulies; between the severe, almost Bride of Frankenstein hair, and the stiff, too short dress, well, she ruined it. Plus, take a good look at the dress; see the horizontal seam? It looks like they added fabric to make it longer. Should’a left it short and should’a worn something else.

Rosamund Pike. Does anyone else see the giant V pointing towards her, um, monologue? Plus, girl just had a baby and this is way too much skin; it’s just wrong.

Patricia Arquette always looks like she’s going to Funeral Prom; and the hair? It looks like the way women might wear their hair when they’re putting on make-up before, you know, they actually do their hair.

Maura Tierney is a favorite actress of mine but this is so Rose from The Golden Girls. Even the sheer business at the top can’t make it look young.

Zosia Mamet. It’s sad. Sad shape. Sad color. Sad proportion. Sad girl.
WTF
Clockwise from top left
Catherine Zeta Jones needs to lay off the Botox. The only thing stiffer than Julianna Margulies’ dress was CZJ’s forehead. Plus, why is a women her age — I believe she’s 68 — still wearing ball gowns?

Amal Clooney. I can’t help it; I get Cruella De Vil from this look. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I didn’t see a single Dalmatian last night. Just sayin’.

Kate Hudson. We know she has a hot body because that’s all anyone ever says about her. Not that she’s a great actress, not that she’s a great beauty, just that she has a rockin’ bod. So why do all that with the plunge and the cutouts and the tight fit? It’s too much.

Allison Williams. I can’t with this. It looks like a Bloody Coffee Filter and that Hollywood Glamour hairdo and the eye make-up make her look like a really bad drag queen. Or Kristen Stewart.

Kate Mara wears a pretty, nice, dress, but fugs it up with a beige man’s belt. There is no explanation.

Claire Danes. Julianna Moore also wore feathers last night but at least she knew better than to wear a dress made entirely of feathers in a pattern and bad fit that make it looks like a dusty cover-up you found in Grandma’s attic.
THE HOTTEST MAN
Matt Bomer — My Husband In My Head — was hot in blue. I have no words, only the idea that I will stare at this picture for a very long time. plus, when he won and thanked his husband and htree children ... swoon!
THE REST OF THE MEN
Row by row
Common is hot, and I love the black-on-black suit. Simple and not a tuxedo. Very cool. Bonus points for a beautiful acceptance speech.

Alan Cumming. He’s kind of the male Helena Bonham Carter. He always wears something a little different and I always like it because he completely owns it.

David Oyelowo is just so cute and so sparkly. It’s nice to see a man rock some glitter.

Don Cheadle in an old school, Ocean’s Eleven suit. Totally cool.

Jake Gyllenhaal. What’s there left to say. Even with a beard — and I don’t mean Maggie — he’s hot.

Jamie Dornan is soon to be seen in the biggest flop of the year — besides The Interview — but still looks hot in traditional tuxedo.

George Clooney recycled the tuxedo from his wedding, so he’s green and cool.

Adrian Grenier looks like a mobster, but a hipster mobster.

William H. Macy looks like a mobster but like a hipster mobster’s father.

Ethan Hawke in a fray tuxedo that just looks like it faded from being washed one too many times.
Jared Leto is so hot — without the beard though — but this is just a hot mess. I’m getting a Pee Wee Herman clown vibe and that’s never good.


Kevin Hart is the shortest man in Hollywood — even shorter than Tom Cruise — but does he need to wear a tuxedo that looks like a Garanimals tuxedo? The short answer — see what I did there — is No.

7 comments:

viktor kerney said...

Kevin Hart looked like Capt. Crunch

Bob Slatten said...

@Viktor
You're right! Now I see it!

the dogs' mother said...

Excellent reportage!! xoxoxo

Helen Lashbrook said...

Why do the men not wear suits that fit? The shiny beige one was laughable

Biki Honko said...

Great reportage. I would have stuck Rosamund Pike in the WTF portion however. That was just terrible. What a load of weird clothing, and I'm including the guys this time around.

Blobby said...

I kind of liked Allison Williams' dress and sorry, but for Lena Dunham, she had the best dress possible. She's NEVER looked that good. Or her dress hasn't.

Mark in DE said...

I agree - there was no contest for the "best" win. Julianne Moore's dress was perfection!!

I agreed and disagreed with some of the others.