Saturday, January 03, 2015

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

It looks like uber rich David Geffen is having boy drama again.

It seems that the 71-year-old Geffen’s 20-year-old ex-boyfriend — who was kicked off his college football team for making out with his wealthy daddy in the press box during a game … he initially told school officials Geffen was his grandfather but that didn’t explain the lip-lock — was arrested last October for violating the terms of a restraining order.

Jamie Kuntz is accused "of following, harassing and making a 'credible threat' against Geffen sometime between September and November, and he is now facing a felony stalking charge and a minor misdemeanor charge for allegedly disobeying a court order to stay away from his former lover.

I bet David Geffen wishes he could go back to the good old days when the only gossip about him was that he’d married Keanu Reeves.

Oh, and by the way, the only time 20 goes into 71 is when there’s a money exchange involved. Just sayin’.
Gosh, I loathe Gwyneth Paltrow. And the fact that she name-drops her own mother to her own soon-to-be-or-not husband makes me loathe her all the more.

It seems Goop was hanging out in the Hamptons with her consciously-uncoupled-towel-boy-slash-singer-slash-sometimes-husband at a spa, where said ex, AKA Chris Martin was paying for a one-hour massage.

Naturally, bored by her pedestrian husband, Gwyneth busied herself with texts and phone calls while he mopped the sweat from her forehead. But, when he asked to whom she was speaking — he’s English, that’s how they talk ... "to whom" — Goop said, and this is where I die:

“Blythe Danner“. Her.Mother.

I guess ‘Mom’ or ‘Mother’ is just too common for Paltrow. I also guess that on the other end of that phone call, Blythe Danner was mouthing the words: How did this bitch get my new number? to the help.
So many women — twenty eight at last count — have come forward with strikingly similar stories of being drugged and raped by Bill Cosby that most people believe he has a standard M.O. and is a sexual predator. So what does Cosby do? Well, he urged the “black” media to stay neutral, i.e. don’t ever mention it; he sat back while his wife sang his praises as a victim, and now this …

Cosby has hired an entire fleet of private investigators to dig up information on the women who are coming forward because, god forbid, if a woman who says Cosby drugged her and raped her and then sent her on her way, well, then she deserves to have the whole world know she has unpaid parking tickets, or didn’t clean her apartment before she moved, or drinks, or swears or had had multiple sex partners.

See, any woman who would do all that — and I mean twenty eight women who would do all that — would obviously also lie about being raped by the Jell-O pudding man.

Way to shame and blame the victims, Mr. Cosby, rather than stand up and fight. Or is that because they’re all telling the truth?
God Madge, please sit down. After several songs were leaked from her upcoming album, Madonna claimed she was the victim of a terrorist attack not unlike, I imagine, the families of those killed on 9/11’s terrorist attack, now she’s taken to comparing it to being raped.
Drama.Queen.

But, to me, what she’s most upset about is that, after the songs were leaked, she and her team decided to release six tracks for that upcoming album and every single one of them has bombed … not unlike a terrorist attack. The songs barely made an impact; in fact, there was a “nosedive” in sales after the first week, which saw her in lucky number 13. Now her single with Nicki Minaj, “Unapologetic Bitch” is down to #188, while “Living for Love” is #529.

In addition to all of that, one of the songs — “Two Steps Behind” — is allegedly about Lady Gaga whose own albums are still out-selling Madge’s Rebel Heart.

Poor Madge, being out-sold by her rival and Taylor Swift, a girl young enough to be her, well, almost granddaughter.
Back in September, Jeremy Renner is divorcing his wife of ten months — and mother of his daughter — Sonni Pacheco.

Didn’t know he was married? Probably because he kept it a secret until last September. But now it’s about to get ugly up in there, with all kinds of speculation that Jeremy married Sonni to help her stay in America, or that she was just the surrogate baby mama to Jeremy and his business partner boyfriend.

Sonni Pacheco is seeking the split over irreconcilable differences and … get this … she says he stole her passport, birth certificate and Social Security card. Pacheco says they have a prenup, but adds that it should be torn up because it was based on fraud.

No further detail about what she means by “fraud” but the last time I heard “fraud” used in a divorce proceeding was when Zellweger was seeking an annulment of her four month-long marriage to the long-rumored-to-be-gay, Kenny Chesney. Just sayin’.
Lindsay Lohan has been infected with the Chikungunya virus while on vacation in French Polynesia — give her a break, she worked steadily for about eight weeks this year so she deserves a little time off — but says she will not let it ruin her vacation.

In unrelated news ... giggle ... every single pharmacy in French Polynesia is completely out of pain meds.

Coinky-dink? I think not.
I love Christina Aguilera but, gurl, she’s a diva who can make Mimi look positively sweet.

A couple of weeks ago Christina went to Disneyland in Anaheim to celebrate her birthday with friends and family and she went off on The Mouse.

She was ALLEGEDLY quite rude to fans that approached her asking for a photo but then the tables turned when she couldn’t get a photo with Mickey Mouse. It seems the person behind the Mouse ears was leaving the area for his break when she asked for a picture and was told she would have to wait until he came back; she went all Reese-Witherspoon-Without-The-Vodka on him, asking Don’t you know who I am??

And then she called Mickey Mouse, the symbol of the happiest place on Earth, an asshole. Mickey had to be ushered to a safe zone before he went all Gangsta Rodent on the pop tart.
Okay, so we all know Justin Bieber wouldn’t know the truth if it egged his house, right?

I mean, he once said he’d bought a yacht when all he was really doing was hanging out on some rich family’s boat; he once took a photo of a Bugatti and said it was his car when, in fact, it actually belonged to Birdman.

Now, he says he bought himself a new plane for Christmas, and proudly Social-Media’d — Yes, it’s a verb — pictures all over; he captioned the picture: “New jet for Christmas, and she’s beautiful.”

Trouble is that the G4 on which he posed is for sale, but Bieber never bought it. It was just another lie, like the lie that he’s got talent for anything more than being a douche.

13 comments:

anne marie in philly said...

ooooooooooh, look at all the trash that didn't make it to the dumpster yet, along with 2014.

Raybeard said...

I nearly wet my pants reading down these articles. Every one a gem. Why did I ever once follow Perez Hilton?

Susan said...

Maybe you should be laughing, Bob, but I AM! You are a riot! Thanks for the Saturday morning smile on my face. :)

The Cool Cookie said...

i am just sick to death of Gwenyth, and now I am sick to death with her mother, former actress and current Pharma huckster Blythe Danner.

mistress maddie said...

I swear if I was in Hollywood and famous I would not get married. It seem they just all ended in disaster and it cost a boat load of money to get married and divorced. Also surprised Blythe hasn't legally removed Gwenie's name yet from the birth certificate.

Ron said...

Does Justin Bieber every lower those eyebrows? He always seems to have that dumb assed look that punk criminal defendants have in court when they know they're caught but want to give the appearance of being all innocent, "what am I doing here" crap. And David Geffen, just once why doesn't one of these obscenely rich Hollywood types get a boyfriend their own age? I am reminded of that pitiful image of Ian McKellen sitting in the audience at the Oscar ceremony some years ago with his grandson er boyfriend holding hands. Of course the relationship was over the next year, And here I thought Geffen and Katzenberg were getting it on. Another great and juicy post Bob. Thanks!

Ron said...

Ray,
Isn't Bob the best? Way better than any of those other overpaid wannabes who pretend to be Hollywood gossip mavens. Bob digs in and tells the truth.
Ron

Raybeard said...

Absolutely, Ron. Bob here has an unerring talent for highlighting the foibles of those who think that they are superior to the rest of us. Chuckles or even outright laughs are guaranteed!

Bob Slatten said...

Gosh y'all, you're giving me a swelled head this morning!

Thanks for reading!

the dogs' mother said...

They seem badder than usual, don't they?

Raybeard said...

Bob, oooo-er! I didn't think our remarks would have quite THAT effect on you. ;-)

Princess said...

Kuntz by name.....

Blobby said...

Poor Madge indeed. What you should have mentioned is those songs sunk to the bottom of the charts in only FOUR DAYS time.

No wonder she's using Mandela and MLK to bring up "controversy". bc she is oh so edgy.

I'm w xtina on this though - Mickey is kind of an asshole.