Friday, November 08, 2013

PR All-St★rs 3, Ep 3: DWI, Designing While Intoxicated

This week we're subjected to one of those “Oh Good We get A Break From Designing” ruses that always ends up in a challenge. The show opens with the designtestants headed over to Jay-Z’s 40/40 club for a much-needed night off when SURPRISE!!! they walk into an empty club and SURPRISE!!! they’re greeted by Not Heidi Alyssa Milano.

Do the producers really think that the viewers or the designtestants truly believe that there is ever any time off, especially when the cameras are running? But I digress …

Alyssa tells the designtestants that they must find their inspiration in a cocktail—and if I had a nickel for every time I’ve been insp- … never mind — and create a cocktail dress. M’kay. They will choose from a list of drinks ALLEGEDLY served at 40/40 and use the drink name, color, ingredients and presentation to make their looks.

Mychael chooses first and then passes the cocktail napkin until one by one we’re down to Irina by herself. She takes being last chosen as a badge of honor that the others feel she’s a threat; I’d take it as they don’t like you, but that’s me. The designers have 1 day and $100 so … Oh yeah, there was a twist — get it? Cocktail Challenge with Twist! The designtestants needed to make a garnish, er, accessory for their looks.

Let’s rip …

SETH AARON—The Hemingway: Grapefruit, lime, triple sec and rum. I guess that says dominatrix-hooker, because that’s what I saw on the catwalk. Simple and safe, though.

IRINA—The Strawberry Field: Strawberries, lemon, pepper and whisky. She made a peplum? Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus when will this Peplum Love end? And do not get me started on that too-small, window screen shrug or the exposed wide black zipper running down the model’s ass.

MYCHAEL—The Spotted Plum: Plums, simple syrup, gin and basil.  It was a sexy little number but the floral details he made for the hips are a bad idea; big hips. Anyone? And the floral detail looked unfinished.

KORTO—Summer: Green apples, ginger and vodka

While the drink was a simple pale green number, Korto picked a vibrant green and yellow print dress and then garnished it with a black patent belt.

As much as I hate a peplum, I loathe a mullet dress even more. I did love the flirtiness of it, but why you gotta go business in the front and party on the rear on us?

Guest Judge Rebecca Minkus loved the fabric — though said it looked like a costume — and hated the black patent leather garnish in the middle. Fellow Guest Judge Nate Berkus agreed about the belt, and asked her to remove it, at which point Isaac Mizrahi commanded that the belt be returned to its rightful place. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ also loved the belt. Alyssa thought the back was an ode to back fat with all the straps and said there were a lot of ideas and could have used an edit.

Korto got a pass.

JEFFREY—La Exotique [the virgin version]: Passion fruit, cardamom and anise

He decided that the flavor of the drink reminded him of Vietnam, and a traditional Vietnamese halter dress, the Ao dai.

It looked like old couch fabric with a French Poodle rhinestone dog collar at the top. It was too long — which made it seem old — and that fabric? I didn't think Ao dai, I thought Oy, damn!

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ hated the jeweled neckline and said it looked cheap, which caused Jeffrey to remind her that they only had $100, which caused The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ to say he should have spent the money elsewhere. Rebecca thought it looked poorly executed, while ate said he normally loves Jeffrey’s work but that this was an Uh oh. When Isaac said he thought Jeffrey might have needed more time, Jeffrey responded that his model is smaller than his mannequin so after fitting it to the model he had no dress form upon which to work. Alyssa says he has too many excuses and Isaac agreed, saying, "He's almost begging to be sent home this week."

Jeffrey didn’t get his wish. He’s safe.

MELISSA—The Sunset: Watermelon, lemon, honey and vodka.

Sunset apparently says purple to Melissa, even though her drink was anything but purple. And it also said black and yellow.

Oddly enough, I agreed with Christopher. She made versions of this dress all through her season: high asymmetrical color and low asymmetrical hem. Channeling Dmitry. She’s a One trick monkey.

Alyssa said that the high side of the dress looked heavy — and kind of boobie squashing, while Rebecca thought the cuff was meant as a counterbalance that didn’t work. Nate said he loved the color choices — Yes, he thinks purple black and yellow say sunset when they actually say swarming bees around an iris — but felt it was one too many; meaning he wanted a two-color dress. Isaac hated the hemline and the neckline and said it looked now not forward and they wanted forward. He also called it sale rack.

And sale rack really means Set sail! You’re goin’ home!

ELENA –The Sardinia: Fennel, lemon juice, strawberries, simple syrup and vodka

Elena only does couture people, and she has to kind of dumb herself down to create for the PR. And what did she create: a neoprene white dress with tiny sleeves and cut-outs.

It’s the same dress/coat/jacket/shirt she’s been making all season only last night she left out the color and went monotone. I want to see something that doesn’t look like it also needs a face mask and an oxygen tank and flippers.

Nate — perhaps trying to prove he has a reason to be there — says he likes it but that it references work by Balenciaga and Narciso; name dropper. Rebecca thinks it’s beautiful — I’m sensing a theme: one word answers that include the word ‘beautiful. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loves the garnish — a clutch — but feels the rest of the look is too restrained, though it was great work for a short time frame. Hello? Neoprene! Isaac — after Elena again says she only does couture and not this particular style — says she needs to be herself and not anyone else; he loathed the way she downplays her looks. Alyssa also feels like she’s seen this look before — like last week? The week before that? — but says Elena intrigues her.

Elena gets saved.

CHRISTOPHER—The Rose: Raspberries, lemon juice, Proseco

His drink was very feminine and very girly and very wispy — a perfect fit for Christopher — so he picked pale pink chiffon and lace curtain material. He’d wanted to do some sort of petal detail but that idea was shelved, or else he made them, and then while staring at Seth Aaron, he plucked them off one by one He loves me! He loves me not!

It was a simple looking flapper dress made of curtain lace over chiffon. It was pretty, but it wasn’t a Wow dress at all. As one designer sniped, It only had two seams.

Nate Berkus declared it the winner and said it looked like a thousand dollar dress and not a hundred dollar dress. Maybe Nate was hoping for a Christopher hook-up? Just sayin’. Alyssa said she was obsessed with it, and called it gorgeous and surprising. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the curtain fabric once she found out it was curtain fabric, which I think means she was less than impressed beforehand. Isaac liked the dress but thought the back, with the jeweled straps, was gratuitous; The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ agreed that it was kind of a cha-cha back. Rebecca called it beautiful.

Christopher is safe and is either back at 40/40 canoodling with Nate Berkus or the bartender.

VIKTOR—The Tiger Eye: Lemongrass, lime, cucumber and tequila

At Mood Viktor finds a print of a chapel or church or cathedral and cuts the print meticulously so that there are two eyes — get it, Tiger Eyes — on the front of his dress. There were cuts and flaps. Oh my.

I liked it, somewhat. The print worked out very well — kudos for execution — but the eyes were distracting as was that front flap that seemed more like a gateway to VaginaTown. And me without a passport … thankfully.

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought it was a great use of the print, though that flappage at the front was a sex crime waiting to happen. Alyssa also wasn’t a fan of the bottom half of the dress, but said the top half gave her goosebumps.  Isaac said, Congratulations, darling, I think it’s dive. He also called it beautiful and fashion forward. Nate loved the shoulders and the piece work in the back — which is basically, I liked small bits but on the whole not so much. Rebecca says the print looks like it was engineered specifically for that design.

Viktor gets the win and snaps open that fan.

Viktor is too much with the wardrobe. The shorts and straw hat, with the sock garters and the fan” it’s enough, boo, you aren’t RuPaul and this ain’t no Drag Race.

Korto? Enough with the confessionals that being with “My fans …” It’s a little too Joan Crawford and you have access to too many wire hangers.

Nate Berkus? How is a fashion designer supposed to judge clothes? I really felt he was a bit of a stretch, and a bit pompous.

Elena? I hope she tries something new next week. I hope the judges tell her No Neoprene!! I hope she stops cackling maniacally.

Stop with the phony Ooh, we get a night off edit because no one buys it. Anyone who watches the PR knows that every single outing is tied to a challenge and there are no nights out or days off.

What did YOU think?


the dogs' mother said...

The challenges are getting more and more strained.
We had to stop the tv to see, yes, Viktor was wearing sock garters!

Anonymous said...

Melissa's dress sent her home, but the funny part is I want that dress!

Jeffrey should have gotten his wish. That fabric was dreadful, and the fact the hemline was below the knee made it that much worse.