All righty then, Week Two and a field trip to the Museum of
Natural History, where host, and so Not-Heidi,
Alyssa Milano gives the designtestants their next challenge: choose an insects
or an arachnid and create an avant-garde look inspired by the critter. The look
needs to incorporate the creepy crawlies color, shape, texture, and movement. And you have $250 and ten hours so get cracking.
Let’s rip ….
THE SAFES
SETH AARON He goes for the Hissing Cockroach—which
I thought would have been better suited to Elena—and his look is avant-garde
and cool and edgy and armored. Me like.
CHRISTOPHER He picks something called an
Elater Beetle and creates a buggy dress, which I liked, with some Freddy
Kruger-Wolverine nails that I thought were overkill.
VIKTOR Ever the dainty flower, Viktor
was drawn to the Cabbage Butterfly. His look was cool, though the model
struggled to walk in it and the Miley Cyrus horn-hair was a mistake.
KORTO A Tiger Centipede spoke to her,
and while her look had some interesting detail, doing most of it in black made
it impossible to see. I wished for more tentacles or arms or legs; it was too
safe for me.
BOTTOM THREE
JEFFREY — The Hairy Scorpion
WHAT I SAID
What the hell? The foam-cape looked like a seat cushion off
a banquet in a very cheap restaurant, and the hood was just too much. It didn’t
incorporate the texture of the bug—hint: hairy—except for bits of fluff sticking
out of the foam-cape-thing. And the red leg? Jeffrey said it hinted at danger I
thought it hinted at The Shower Scene in Carrie. Plug it up!
WHAT THEY SAID
Isaac called the hoof gratuitous and a slap in the face, he
muttered something about a woman not being able to drink a martini, and Jeffery
shot back, "This is an avant-garde look.
I didn't know I was supposed to make an avant-garde outfit."
Isaac snapped: “Avant-garde doesn’t mean unwearable.”
When Jeffrey removed the
foam-wrapper Isaac admitted that the fabrics and colors were good. The
Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called the cape “clumsy” and said it was a hack job—as
in Cristina??? Bring me the axe!! Alyssa
said the only place she wears a hood is in the bedroom. M’kay. Guest Judge, jeweler Jennifer Meyer said the
cape looked phallic to her; I replayed the catwalk and didn’t not see phallic
and I would see phallic before anyone else. Just sayin’. Anya Ayoung Chee,
guest judge and Season 9 PR Winner, said it looked like an outfit for one of Lady
Gaga’s back-up dancers but not an outfit for Gaga.
WHAT HAPPENED
Jeffrey’s defense of his look saved him, I think.
MELISSA—The Sri Lankan Spider
WHAT I SAID
During the crit, Not-Joanna Coles, Zanna Roberts Rassi,
tells Melissa her look resembles a Zeh-bra, not a Zee-bra, and so Melissa starts
all lover. I’d say it was a mistake, but she needed to do it. She was making a
very simple black-and-white dress and not any kind of spider look.
Still, she misfired.
It was a Little Black Dress with a wee feathered Backpack. Oh.Honey.No.
WHAT THEY SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the proportions but
said it was definitely not avant-garde. When Isaac said he wished for more of
the spider straps Melissa said she’d wanted more, too, but, alas, that old PR Devil
Time Management got to her. Alyssa could only say it wasn’t avant-garde until
Jennifer Meyer said she would by it, at which Alyssa bellowed, “There is NOTHING
avant-garde about a little black dress!”
WHAT HAPPENED
Melissa dodged a bullet. She’s safe.
DANIEL—Vinegaroon
WHAT I SAID
During the crit with ZRR, she begged Daniel to go berserk
and this is what he gave us: a mullet dress with a plastic apron and a chin guard.
It’s Haute Couture Hockey? Haute Couture Lab Assistant?
WHAT THEY SAID
Isaac hated the
throat guard and called the length ‘terrible.’ The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™
loved the color, but said the flowy back had an attitude that didn’t jibe with
the carwash apron front. Alyssa said the proportions are off and Anya blamed
the whole look on bad fabrics; saying bad fabric choices = bad taste. Jennifer
Meyer liked the back of the dress, meaning she liked it when it walked away.
WHAT HAPPENED
And walk away it did, talking Daniel with it. He’s out.
TOP THREE
WHAT I SAID
What happened to the black-and-yellow striped number in her sketch,
because what she showed looked nothing like the sketch; and that may have saved
her. Her look was freaky and kooky and scary and looked like a weapon, but it
was definitely avant-garde.
WHAT THEY SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought it was a gorgeous
dress, very avant-garde with a great silhouette, but felt the feathers in the
face was a step too far. Isaac called it experimental and daring and brave, but
wondered why it was all black and Irina said she didn’t want to go literal
bumblebee so she made the dress black and the makeup yellow. Anya loved the mix
of textures in the gown and Jennifer said it was a red carpet dress, though I wondered
exactly what red carpet. Alyssa said she thought it captured
the movement of a millipede and I thought she was just filling up air-time, but
again I rewound, or replayed, the catwalk, and it did move like a millipede,
so, Good on you, Not Heidi!
WHAT HAPPENED
I think the feathers in
the face kept Irina from the win. She’s safe.
ELENA—The Lubber Grasshopper
WHAT I SAID
It looked like a grasshopper, and looked very avant-garde,
but it’s the same color-blocking thing she did last week, and the same
color-blocking she wears. I mean, she had on color-blocked pants that would
have gone well with her look when they went to the museum. I was
less-than-impressed.
WHAT THEY SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the way the orange cinched
in the model’s waist, and Isaac loved the proportions and said it was very
reminiscent of the grasshopper, and looked like a skin the insect could shed—perhaps
to reveal color-blocked undergarments? Anya called it very avant-garde and
thoughtful.
WHAT HAPPENED
Elena gets Second Place.
MYCHAEL—The Horned Worm
WHAT I SAID
His first look was a literal remaking of the worm; ZRR
called it “elimination worthy.” And Mychael ditched all of the green and went
back to the HP Design Pad thingy. And it was a good thingy, because his second look
referenced the worm, and the color and texture and movement, but was a very
cool design on its own.
WHAT THEY SAID
The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ asked about the fabric—Neoprene—and
said it looked very soft and luxurious, like wool, and played well against the hints
of neon green; she also said it was an elegant reference to the bug. Isaac
called it expensive and strange, and loved the Coco Chanel-esque length, and
dubbed it couture art. Anya loved the structure of the dress, the way it mimicked
gills [gills?] and called it gorgeous. Alyssa simply said, “Well played,
Mychael.”
WHAT HAPPENED
Well-played, indeed, right into the top spot.
MY TAKE
I loathe Christopher, The Obvious Queen. Not that he’s an “obvious”
gay man, but that he’s the queen of stating the obvious: like reminding us that
real designers have months for an avant-garde look and they have just ten
hours, Like reminding us that it’s getting real and someone’s going home.
That said, I will give him Line Of The Night for saying
Jeffrey’s dress looked like the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. He was right.
I'm kind of surprised Daniel left rather than Melissa. His
look was too literal while hers wasn’t enough of a look. And I’ll miss the
little facial expressions he makes. Giddy schoolgirl, being a favorite.
And what was with the direction to the exhibit at the
museum. Now, call me a nitpicker, but Alyssa Milano first said the exhibit as
one floor below, then told Elena—who picked her bug first—that the exhibit was
right behind her, and then Elena ran up the
stairs. Seriously? Must I call the Continuity Police on the PR?
What did YOU think?
We watched whilst dispensing candy to trick or treaters and trying to keep Abby locked up lest she eat the trick or treaters. Probably the most interesting part were the bugs themselves. I kind of feel bad for the black widow spider I vacced up in the garage.
ReplyDeleteI finally got to watch it this morning. I think Irina got robbed, but then again it's not like I've ever agreed with Georgina or Isaac on anything.
ReplyDelete