Random Musings

Next Monday I am flying out to Oregon for ten days while my father has knee replacement surgery — his new knew was crafted in Belgium and has just arrived in the good old US of A — and recovers.

I will be away from ISBL for that time, but I do have some planned posts; I may be around, but then again, with Dad and his dog and things to take care of, I probably won’t, so, please, y’all play nice.

Oh, and since I won’t get home until the 11^th of November, I need to say two more things:

Number 1: VOTE,

And B] VOTE BLUE.

And that's exactly what i did this morning before work ... voted to elect our first female President of the United States!

In case anyone ever doubted that Sean Hannity is a fucking asshole, here’s a little something he said recently:

“I have an offer for the president. I will charter a plane for you and your family. I will make sure it’s as big a plane as Air Force One, what you have grown accustomed to, in other words. Taxpayer-funded plane.”

And we’ll stop, because apparently Hannity is pissed that the Obama’s fly on the taxpayer funded Air Force as ALL presidents do because they’re a Black family?

“I don’t know where I’m going to get it. Maybe I’ll ask Trump if I can charter his plane for Obama. I will charter Donald Trump’s plane if he’ll let me, and I will charter it to the country of your choice.”

And we'll stop again; a Trump plane? Make sure it hasn’t gone belly-up first.

“You want to go to Canada? I’ll pay for you to go to Canada. You want to go to Kenya? I’ll pay for you to go to Kenya. Jakarta, where you went to school back in the day, you can go back there.”

Again with the stopping; racist ignorant fuck. Racist.Ignorant.Fuck.

“Anywhere you want to go. I’ll put the finest food, caviar, champagne, you name it. I have one stipulation, you can’t come back.”

Hey Sean, if you’re so disgusted by the Obama’s why don’t you charter a Trump plane and fly it to Hell and never come back.

Racist.Ignorant.Fuck.

Mariah Carey in her Halloween outfit … or what she’ll wear to work when her singing career ends and she becomes a stripper at The Pole off Route One.

Jessica Simpson, not in a Halloween costume, but in street wear that makes her look like the biggest idiot who ever walked the earth.

Bill Cornwell and Tom Doyle lived together in a brownstone that Bill Cornwell owned in the West Village for over five decades. Their enduring love never seemed to them to need codification — not to mention that for most of their relationship, same-sex marriage was illegal.

Bill Cornwell died two years ago at age 88 and in his will he bequeathed the small apartment building to Tom Doyle, above, but Bill’s nieces and nephews, The Greedy Heartless Fucks, are disputing the will.

See, when Bill Cornwell crafted the will about ten years ago, he wanted all his possessions, including the three-story, four-unit building, to go to his Tom Doyle But a mistake was made when just one person witnessed the signing of the will — New York requires two witnesses — and so that simple error allowed The Greedy Heartless Fucks to swoop in and claim the building as their inheritance — ignoring their uncle’s wishes — and put the building up for sale; it is now under contract.

Now Tom Doyle, who is 85, has no place to live and has to leave the home he has lived in for half a century.

“I’m not so concerned about the money, I’m more concerned about a roof over my head for the rest of my life, and I wouldn’t have to be in a nursing home. As long as I am here, I have all the familiar surroundings. It’s almost as if Bill is still here.” — Tom Doyle

The dispute has now shifted to court.

Carole DeMaio, one of the nieces, one of The Greedy Heartless Fucks, said her uncle never took the necessary steps to make sure everything went to Tom Doyle, including not marrying him, because he did not want to.

“He had 50 years to put Tom’s name on any of these papers. The will was never a valid will.”

And this bitch now says the two men were just “friends” or “great companions” who shared a one bedroom apartment for fifty-five years!

There is one niece, Shelia McNichols, not one of The Greedy Heartless Fucks, who had attempted to abide by her uncle’s wishes and assigned her piece of the inheritance to Tom Doyle, but the rest of Mr. Cornwell’s relatives chose not to go along because the building is worth $7 million dollars and that’s more than they cared about their uncle and his lifelong partner.

The Greedy Heartless Fucks.

Hot Men …

Yes, he’s been here before but I cannot get over how adorkable Cory Michael Smith is as Edward Nygma, AKA The Riddler, on Gotham. I just love a dork … ask Carlos.

Also, Andre Holland, of American Horror Story, My Roanoke Nightmare, who plays the real Matt — while Cuba Gooding Jr. plays the re-enactor documentary Matt. He was also in The Knick and Selma and is just delicious.

Just sayin’.

Sidenote: how great has American Horror Story: My Roanoke Nightmare and American Horror Story: Return to Roanoke, Three Days In Hell been this season.

Seriosuly; last night I jumped, shrieked a little, and held my hands over my eyes.

Loving it!

Serial Adulterer Newt Gingrich appeared on Megyn Kelly’s Fox News show and went a little unhinged when Kelly wanted to talk Donald J. Groper. He accused Kelly of being obsessed with sex — says the man who tried to unseat a president for having an affair while he, himself was having an affair on his ill wife — and Gingrich came a little unhinged asking Kelly to say the words, “Bill Clinton is a sexual predator,” over and over again.

Kelly said, instead, “We’ll leave you to deal with your anger issues.”

Score Kelly!

Architecture Wednesday: Old Warehouse to New Quirkyhouse

Yeah, I know … another conversion project; but I can’t help myself; I love the reuse, recycle method of design and architecture of taking something old, and probably closed up and shuttered, and creating something new.

Plus, there’s a giant tooth inside this one; seriously.

First, I love the interiors; the eclectic design and architecture; the tiles and the skylights; the trumpet light; the reclaimed wood and the soaring ceilings; that closet. But then there, right in the middle of the floor is a giant tooth … or, as the architects dubbed it, a ‘man cave,’ though it’s really a bedroom with an ensuite.

The ‘man cave’ is a sculptural carbon-fiber pod with a semi-gloss finish of resin-faced foam separated into two spaces: the bedroom, with the bed sculpted from the wall and a leather — yes, leather-clad floor — and an ensuite, which incorporates a shower area, built-in vanity, freestanding basins and bathtub sculpture.

It’s like the best of both worlds … a lot of something old, recycled and reused and redone, with a touch of something from the future.

HomeDSGN

Nothing Comes Between a Woman And Her Yoga Pants ... Alan Sorrentino Learns A Lesson

Don’t ever try to come between a woman and her yoga pants … because you can’t.

And Alan Sorrentino found that out the hard way after writing a letter to the editor of the Barrington Times: 

"To the editor:

The absolute worst thing to ever happen in women fashion is the recent development of yoga pants as daily wear outside the yoga studio. 

Not since the mini-skirt has there been something worn by so many women who should never have it on in the first place. 

From casual to formal, weddings, funerals, shopping, and even for the workplace, yoga pants are everywhere on women of all ages, usually paired with a blousy top and a pony tail hairdo. What a disaster!

Like the mini-skirt, yoga pants can be adorable on children and young women who have the benefit of nature's blessing of youth. However, on mature, adult women there is something bizarre and disturbing about the appearance they make in public. Maybe it's the unforgiving perspective they provide, inappropriate for general consumption, TMI, or the spector [sic] of someone coping poorly with their weight or advancing age that makes yoga pants so weird in public. 

A nice pair of tailored slacks, jeans, or anything else would be better than those stinky, tacky, ridiculous looking yoga pants. They do nothing to compliment a women over 20 years old. In fact, the look is bad. Do yourself a favor, grow up and stop wearing them in public.

Besides, why would you want to wear something that's seen on dozens of other women every day, everywhere? I thought women didn't like doing that for obvious reasons. Yoga pants belong in the yoga studio. What's next? Wearing a "Speedo" to the supermarket? Imagine if men did that. Yuck!

To all yoga pant wearers, I struggle with my own physicality as I age. I don't want to struggle with yours.

Thanks,

Alan Sorrentino

Barrington"

After Sorrentino’s letter appeared in the paper, Jamie Patrice, a local woman, organized a Yoga Pants Parade that marched right down Sorrentino’s street and in front of his house.

“I want women of all ages, shapes and sizes to know that it is okay to wear whatever makes them feel comfortable.”

Patrice says she created the parade not to attack Sorrentino, but to protest the constant criticism of women’s bodies.

“While yoga pants seem to be a silly thing to fight for, they are representative of something much bigger — Misogyny and the history of men policing womens bodies.”

The parade drew a large crowd — women and men, some in yoga pants — who quietly marched past Sorrentino’s house, where he had put up a sign that said “FREE SPEECH.”

Funny that Sorrentino cries Free Speech as a reason for his letter and as an argument against people marching by his house, which is also Free Speech.

Here’s the deal … no one would have heard about this were it not for our new viral society where a letter to the editor of a local paper becomes the center of the universe. And then spawns outrage and a parade and, well, a walk-back by Alan Sorrentino, who now claims his letter was meant as a joke, and that the response has been “over-the-top crazy.”

Um, Alan, reread your letter, m’kay because it’s missing humor and sarcasm and anything else that would make it seem like a joke.

Sorrentino says he “assumed the character of a grumpy old man” for the letter and said it was “meant to sound stupid and creepy.”

He was half-right.

And Sorrentino is continuing to play the victim, saying that “to target somebody's home for a letter in the paper is disgusting. A joke is designed to fool people; those people were fooled.”

Oh, Al! May I call you AL? People walking down the street, even three hundred people, aren’t targeting your house; it’s a parade; it’s a march; it’s people out for a walk.

Sounds like you don’t get the humor of it all.

Sorrentino claims he has received death threats since his letter went viral and that’s just as stupid; he’s allowed to have an opinion, and send it in letter form to a newspaper, and those who find his opinion idiotic have the right to gather and march down his street, peacefully and quietly as they did.

Sorrentino now says that he has no problem with yoga pants and even owns a pair himself:

“Wear the yoga pants all you want, but if you knew what guys were saying behind your back when you had them on, maybe you wouldn't.”

Keep stepping in it, Al.

EastBayRI

Daily Mail

President Obama Is All Outta F**ks

Earlier this year I posted a quote by President Barack Obama about the GOP frontrunner for president and said it has become clear that, now in the last few months of his eight years in office, the President has no f**ks left to give.

And on Sunday, during a Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee fundraiser in California, President Obama continued that trend by going after a particularly pathetic GOP congressman.

See, this election season, California’s GOP Congressman, Darrell Issa is having a tough go of it against the Democratic challenger, retired Marine Col. Doug Applegate, and so he mailed out a new campaign flyer in which he boasts about Obama signing the Survivors’ Bill of Rights bill which he co-sponsored

Well, Obama called out Issa — a man who once called the president corrupt and is one of the chief obstructionists in Congress, blocking and subverting much of the legislation the President and Democratic members of congress have tried to push through — for those hypocritical mailers. He pointed out what he called Issa’s duplicity, calling the mailers “shameless” and saying it was the “definition of chutzpah.”

Seriously. After eight years of doing all he could to block moves by Obama this GOP hack is now trolling for votes by saying he’s a bipartisan candidate. Siddown, liar.

Obama then added that Issa’s “primary contribution to the United States Congress has been to obstruct and to waste taxpayer dollar on trumped-up investigations that have led nowhere” and said the congressman was “not somebody who’s serious about working on problems.”

And with Obama’s approval ratings rising each and every day, and his completely out of f**ks attitude, people like Darrell Issa should tread very softly.

Or plan on finding a new job come November 9th.

If You Only News

Lawyers Line Up To Represent Donald's Accusers For Free

I guess we won’t have to worry about a President Donald having access to the nuclear codes, because, if he were to be elected—and the Washington post just this morning said his chances are “rapidly approaching zero”—he’d be too busy suing the, now twelve, women who have come forward and accused the admitted groper of unwanted sexual advances, sexual harassment and of being a pig.

“Every woman lied when they came forward to hurt my campaign. Total fabrication. The events never happened. Never. All of these liars will be sued after the election is over.”

But what’s most amusing is that right after Donald vowed to sue each and every one of his accusers, a slew of lawyers, led by Ted Boutrous, have taken to twitter to offer their services free to the victims of The Donald.

So, not only will he lose the election but he’ll find himself losing in court, too.

The end is near. Can I get a halleloo?

Eric _____ Is The Dumb One ... One! That's High-Larious!

Okay, so we all know that Little Donny Trump has Daddy issues … he wants to be like Donald. And we know Ivanka used to be the sane one, but now she’s drinking the Kool-Aid lest Daddy cut her off. But what about Eric? The one you never see very often. He’s the Dumb One, or at least the one who should have paid attention in his high school Spanish class.

Over the weekend, Eric was at a Donald Rally in North Carolina when he spotted a woman wearing a t0-shirt with something written in Spanish across it, and with his father’s name on it. So, wanting to impress Daddy by finding an Hispanic woman who supports Donald, Eric raced right over for a photo op to show the world that, as anti-immigrant, as anit-Latino, as his father is, there are still some Latinos that support The Rump.

Just not this woman … because her shirt said this:

“Latina Contra Trump.”

The literal translation is:

“Latina Against Trump.”

And there was Eric the Rump posing with Annie Cardelle, while she wore an anti-Trump shirt.

“As Hispanic women, we see how Trump’s hate speech has emboldened people to be racist towards Latinos and people of color in general. What Donald Trump has been doing is making people think that it’s alright to treat us as if we’re worse than they are. I’m just really glad that I got the chance to remind his supporters that his language has been really unsettling with a large group of people in America.” — Annie Cardelle

Can you just imagine the homecoming Little Eric got for posing with Annie?

High.Larious.

Latest

Can I Get An Amen: CJ Is Going As Bob The Drag Queen

CJ is a 9-year-old gender nonconforming boy and he is ready for Halloween.

This year he wants to dress up as his personal hero, so he told his mother, Lori Duron — who had a blog called Raising My Rainbow — that he was going to need “need her dress and purse and hair and makeup and everything.”

Oh, his hero is RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Bob The Drag Queen, and now his mother and his gay uncle are going to make sure he gets the look down.

“Bob, RuPaul and all the queens are brave, strong heroes for my rainbow son. They’ve taught him to celebrate his uniqueness, cultivate his own style and let criticisms roll off his back. They’ve taught him the importance and power of loving himself. They’ve also taught him a few words and phrases that I’ve told him he can’t use until he’s 18.” — Lori Duron

And since Lori doesn’t sew, is not a whiz with make-up and says she’s never styled a wig, she turned to her brother, CJ’s gay Uncle Michael, for help in that area.

“You can’t order this costume on online, mom! Call my FuGuncle (fun gay uncle)!”

Michael worked with CJ to match Bob The Drag Queen’s style in her music video, “Purse First.” Michael set up a RuPaul styled workroom in the family dining room to style the wigs and create the makeup and, most importantly, to advise CJ on perfecting “the stance;” that would be walking sideways into the room “purse first.”

CJ says a lot of his friends have asked him what he’s going to be this year and he wasn’t telling, though not, as his mother worried, because he was afraid he would get teased.

He just doesn’t want anyone stealing his idea.

CJ? Shantay you stay!

LGBTQ Nation

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, David Horsey, Steve Sack, Mike Luckovich, Jim Morin, Drew Sheneman, Nate Beeler, Walt Handelsman, Gary Varvel, John Cole

It's Snarkurday!

Look, I am about the furthest thing from straight that you can get, but if I were a straight man ::: giggle snort ::: and I was JLo’s man, you can bet I’d be keeping it in my pants and only banging my bank account, er, girlfriend, instead of stepping out on her. But, while Casper Smart is a straight man ::: giggle snort ::: he’s a not-so-bright straight man because he’s been dumped by Lopez again for being a cheater.

Seriously, Casper, the only thing you have to do in life is do whatever Jennifer Lopez tells you to do … her laundry, bathe the kids, walk the dog, satisfy her sexually, measure her ass to make sure it’s still huge, and yet you feel the need to once again dip your wick in some other, um, pool?

And, hon, if you’re gonna cheat, you cheat up, to someone more famous, with more money; you don’t cheat down because now you’re coin-less and out of a job.

Oh Lindsay Lohan … She desperately wants to be a businesswoman because, well, acting is just about over for her … unless you count acting the fool on social media a career. She tried to corner the market on leggings and spray tans and apps for your phone and they all bombed quicker than her last film so now she’s put her name where her mouth is, and where the vodka goes in …

Yes, Lindsay Lohan has announced on Instagram that she is opening a nightclub called LOHAN in Athens. I was thinking Freaky Friday might have been a better name for a Lohan bar; or The Boyfriend Trap; Lindsay Fully Loaded? Seriously, what does Lindsay Lohan know about being a bar owner, other than getting drunk in a bar; stealing another woman’s fur coat in a bar; starting a fight in a bar; passing out under a bar?

To be fair, Lohan is actually a part owner of the bar; her friend-slash-john, Greek restaurateur Dennis Papageorgiou is technically the owner but Lindsay will get a percentage which she will promptly drink up, causing the bar to go out of business about an hour after it opens.

Just saying.

Donald’s cohort in PussyGat, Bill Bush is now officially fired from NBC and is ALLEGEDLY getting a $10 million payout.

He’s been on the job a hot minute and gets ten mil for being publicly outed as a douchebag of Donald-Proportions? Casper Smart couldn’t even get a deal like that and he was Lopez’, um, well, he grabbed her, um, look Casper walked away with the clothes on his back and Bush gets millions.

Oy. Next up Billy Bush comes cleans on Dr. Phil and then appears on Dancing With The Stars. Mark.My.Words.

And now more Lohan … Since she’s owned a nightclub for roughly thirty seconds now, Lindsay has announced that she will also open a line of spas. But it isn’t all about booze and facials for Lindsay; no, she also wants to, and I’ll let her say it, offset all of this capitalism by “creating and distributing organic health drinks” for refugees.

Yes, she’s gonna make smoothies for refugees! Lohan … the gift that keeps on giving … though I imagine her “organic health drinks” are at least 100-proof.

I should’a married Phil Collins when I had the chance. I would’a Sussudio’d him to the poor house.

See, Phil divorced his third wife, Orianne Cevey, back in 2008 and paid her what was then a record for divorce settlements in the UK: he paid Orianne $30.5 million! And now, the two are back together eight years later and Phil says she is keeping the money.

Seriously; I could’a been Mr. Phil Collins for a couple of years, pocketed a cool thirty million and been set for life.

I don’t get Azealia Banks. I mean, rumor has it she’s a singer or something but all I ever hear about her is when she explodes on Twitter against The Gays or gets kicked off a plane or starts a feud with someone.

In a now-deleted Facebook post, Banks claims that Russell Crowe choked her, spit at her, called her the N-word and threw her out of his hotel suite. 

Russell Crowe and Azealia Banks? Mismatch. But, multiple witnesses says that Banks was tossed from Russell’s suite, but not because he was a jerk but because she was a hot mess who threatened to stab him and another guest.

On the night in question, Russell hosted a dinner party for 10 people in his hotel suite; Crowe invited rapper RZA, who directed him in The Man with the Iron Fists, and RZA brought Banks, who says this is what happened:

“To recap my night, I went to a part [sic] at Russell crowes [sic] suite, at which he called me a n***er, choked me, threw me out and spat at me. Last night was one of the hardest nights of sleep I’ve had in a long time. The men in the room allowed it to happen. I feel terrible today.”

Party guests, though, have a different take; they say Crowe never called Banks a slur and only put his hands on her because she was about to throw a glass. They say the whole mess started when Azealia made fun of the music Russell was playing and called him and another guest “boring white men.” Another guest asked Banks to “shut it” — perhaps she said “be quiet” I was just paraphrasing — and then the ugliness ensued because Banks then ALLEGEDLY shrieked:

“You would love it if I broke my glass, stabbed you guys in the throat, and blood would squirt everywhere like some real Tarantino shit.”

Then Azealia reached for her glass, cocked it and Russell Crowe bounced her ass outside.

Look, here’s the queer deal: I ain’t no celebrity — except in my own head — but even I know you don’t allow Azealia Banks into your home and anywhere near the cutlery and the crystal unless you want a bloodbath.

Seriously, Russell, what were you thinking?

Wow, two Phil Collins stories in one week? The man must be really trying to rekindle his career and his third marriage.

This time, though, it’s about a feud to between Phil and Paul McCartney. Yes, like last week’s Grandpa Feud between F. Murray Abraham and Mandy Patinkin, we now have two more old men fighting … or maybe one old man trying to spark a fight with the other …

Phil Collins spoke to the UK’s Sunday Times about his upcoming autobiography, Not Dead Yet and spilled the beans about the time he met McCartney at Buckingham Palace back in Ott-Two.  It seems Phil had a first edition of The Beatles biography by Hunter Davies, so he brought it with him to see if Paul would sign it for him … big mistake, huge.

Phil says when Paul and his then-wife Heather Mills approached him he went in for the autograph, and Paul said:

“Oh Heather, our little Phil’s a bit of a Beatles fan.”

Little Phil? Well, he is barely five-foot-five but still, it was kind of a bitch move on McCartney, and Little, er, Phil, wasn’t having it:

 “I thought, ‘You fuck, you fuck.’ Never forgot it. He has this thing when he’s talking to you, where he makes you feel (like), ‘I know this must be hard for you because I’m a Beatle. I’m Paul McCartney and it must be very hard for you to actually be holding a conversation with me.”

Yeah, even though I missed my shot at marrying, divorcing for millions, and remarrying, Phil Collins, I am Team Phil this time out … though I place most of the blame for on McCartney’s rudeness on that one-legged bitch of an ex-wife of his, Heather.

Just sayin’ … she’s vile.

Whenever Tyra Banks feels like she isn’t seeing her name in the press often enough … and once a year is too much … she races to the nearest reporter to beat that dead horse she’s been beating for over a  decade now: her feud with Naomi Campbell.

It seems that recently Banks and her baby Daddy Erik Asla were guests on the Norwegian-Swedish talk show Skavlan — what, Steve Harvey turned her down? — and the conversation turned to how she was terrorized by Naomi back in the day.

Tyra talked about going to Paris as a new model and how she met HBIC Campbell:

“I got to Paris and it was very difficult I did very well, very fast. But then the industry was saying, ‘Look out Naomi Campbell, here comes Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell sit your butt down, this younger one is coming to take your place. It wasn’t fair to Naomi, but her response was … to this day I’m very scared of her. I don’t want to go too deep into the past, but it was very difficult, like some of the lowest times of my life dealing with that. I don’t condone her actions and her response, but I understand where it comes from because the world is saying, ‘You’re not going to have your spot. We’re going to take your money, we’re going to take your fame. Go sit down, there’s somebody else.’”

I love how she says she doesn’t want to go too deep into the past and then she does, as she does every time it seems like people have forgotten her while no one in the world has ever forgotten, or will ever forget, Miss Naomi Campbell.

Sit down, Tyra; I see a phone coming toward your five-head.