Why Is It ...

… that when I look back at all the successes and failures in my life I cannot help but be proud that the potty training stuck

… that I wonder what life would be like if I didn’t overthink everything. I think about that all the time.

… that I am an adult the same way a lawn chair is furniture; I mean, it’s technically true but no one’s impressed and I’m not very stable

… that I lovelovelove when my mere presence pisses someone off

… that since gas has gotten so expensive I’ve decided I’m just gonna drink energy drinks and run everywhere

… that some of you have no idea that you aren’t worth the fuck that made you

… that in high school I could eat a Gordita Supreme and a dozen Krispy Kremes at midnight and lose three pounds but these days I go up an entire pant size every time I swallow my spit

… that when confronted with a problem my go-to mantra is, Whatever. Fuck it. I tried. Not worth it.

… that no one understands that I am happy to apologize for being a bitch as soon as they apologize for bringing the bitch out in me

… that I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I am quite clearly dilly dallying