Bobservations

I’ve said before that Carlos uses Voice Over and Siri on his phone and both are set somewhat loudly so he can hear them. The other morning I joked that he and his “team” are too loud and he was confused.

“When I’m back in the office, and you’re practicing your trumpet in the sunroom, I hear Siri count down your timer, and I also hear you ask her to tell you a joke.”

“You do not.”

“And then, when I’m in bed and you come into the room, you turn off Voice Over and it yells:

“VOICE OVER OFF.”

“And you ask Siri to set a 7AM alarm and she says: YOUR 7AM ALARM IS SET.”

“I’ve been trying to do that before I come back to bed.”

“And I can still hear you. Maybe you should go up the driveway to the street and give your commands.”

“Maybe I will.”

“But then you’ll wake the entire neighborhood.”

That stunned him  into silence.

This Tuxedo Memory is from July 2015

“A Bit of Tuxedo

He doesn't like Daddy on the computer and he hates when Daddy takes his picture.

And these are either from the fireworks ... he hates the booms ... or, again:

"For the love of God, Daddy, put down the camera, I'm just a cat!"

Oh Tucky, you are more than just a cat.”

And he was the Best Cat Ever.

Inmate # P01135809’s new joint fundraising agreement with the Republican National Committee [RNC] directs donations to his campaign and to a PAC that pays the criminal’s legal bills before the RNC gets a cut.

The illegal-sounding diversion of funds to the Save America PAC makes it more likely that GOP donors could see their money go to lawyers for the criminal, who have already received some $76 million over the last two years to defend him against four felony indictments and multiple civil cases. And some Republicans are worried that the criminal’s takeover of the RNC could shortchange the cash-strapped party, making it harder for them to run for office.

Good. These asshats thought they were hooking their wagons to the savior of the party but they’re now chained to the man who will bankrupt the RNC like he does most of his businesses.

Little known fact: in the years before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home. You’re welcome. 

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’ ex-wife MacKenzie Scott is once again opening her wallet to donate some of her billions to worthy causes, which has the rightwingnuts crying foul.

Scott announced that she will donate $122 million to 67 migrant-advocacy organizations for legal aid and other assistance; she will also give $117 million to 67 prisoner-advocacy groups and other organizations helping prisoners and ex-convicts, and will donate $72 million to 43 groups that promote “gender identity,” “sexual orientation” and other LGBTQ causes.

In a world full of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk be like MacKenzie Scott because that’s how you billionaire.

During an appearance on “Hot Ones” former actor and current annoyance to the world Gwyneth Paltrow was asked about a long-standing rumor that former President Bill Clinton slept through a White House screening of her 1996 film, “Emma.”

“True. He was snoring right in front of me. I was like, ‘Wow, I guess this is going to be a real hit movie.’ But it was, so f–k you, Bill Clinton!”

If Goop is gonna cuss out everyone who falls asleep during any of her films, she’ll be touring the world and dropping f-bombs for all eternity and won’t have any time to make her vagina scented candles.

Moving through the probate process is a tedious experience; it’s a lot of hurry up and wait. The attorney who drafted my father’s will is the one I hired to manage the process and I would occasionally get stressed out, wondering if I was doing the right thing at the right time. But I was assured that it’s just a slow process but will be over before I know it and then this happened …

While at work on Monday I got a phone call from the lawyer’s legal assistant and she told me she had bad news.

Stress level up! The attorney I hired … died.

Seriously. He contracted pneumonia and was hospitalized at which time they discovered he also had leukemia, and he passed very quickly.

Stress level way up! But, his assistant talked me down, I offered her and his wife my condolences, and was directed toward a new attorney to take on the probate. Hopefully, there won’t be much longer time to complete the process.

Fingers crossed.

Nathan Slaten is a model and actor and dancer, and perhaps horny gay man, but Would You Hit It?

It's Monday and I'm ...

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith put on a united front on Thanksgiving, at least on Instagram, looking quite the happily married couple that hasn’t been separated for six or seven years.

Color me suspicious since these new family photos appeared right after Will’s former assistant Brother Bilaal claimed that he walked in on Smith having sex with actor Duane Marin in a dressing room several years ago.

Cue happy family pictures, I guess?

Naturally, a rep for Will vehemently denied the allegations and another says Will is “considering taking legal action” over the accusation but as of right now he’s just playing the part of happily married straight man on Instagram.

Oh goddess Gwyneth Paltrow is back again. Since she decided—or did we decide?—that her career was over Paltrow only makes headlines when she runs over skiers and then complains that her vacation was ruined.

So, how does Gwynnie get back in the spotlight? By attempting to prove that she and Dakota Johnson, who is currently dating Paltrow’s ex, Chris Martin, truly are good pals.

During a Q&A on Instagram Paltrow  was asked to post a photo with Johnson and suddenly there she was, holding hands with Dakota.

The thirst is real with Paltrow who wants nothing to do with show business but is clearly still thirsty for fame.

Now it’s Christina Aguilera’s turn to join the What Happened To Her Face Club.

After posting a TikTok video hundreds of fans commented that Aguilera looks almost unrecognizable under a full face of glam, complete with a glittery smokey eye and dark red nails and fans weren’t having it:

“no way thats Christina Aguilera.”

“Someone is pretending to be Christina Aguilera.”

“Wait, What? Is that woman Christina Aguilera?”

“I have no idea who that is??”

“that’s Christina Kardashian.”

The fans weren’t sure if she’d gone Kardastrophe or Lindsey Lohan or Madge, but she doesn’t look herself. Some fans even noticed that Christina’s signature icy blue eyes appeared to be brown.

“Who is THAT! That is not xtina, she has blue eyes not brown! And the whole thing looks like clone.”

And my favorite:

“This has gotta be AI Xtina.”

I’m all for Christians wanting to look her best but please tell me she doesn’t think her “best” is as a Kardastrophe.

Another blast from the past is one Jonathan Taylor Thomas, former Home Improvement co-star, who has apparently “resurfaced” after not being seen in two years.

The former ’90s heartthrob wore a black beanie, glasses, a light brown sweater and jeans while getting coffee in Southern California. The last time JTT was photographed was more than two years ago when he was spotted going out for a walk with his two small dogs in Los Angeles and before that, he hadn’t been glimpsed in public for eight years.

Is it drugs? Is it poverty? Or is it just him living his own life?

You see, Thomas opted out of Home Improvement in 1998 to focus on academics. He went on to study philosophy and history at Harvard and graduated from Columbia University in 2010, and also attended St. Andrews University in Scotland:

“I’d been going nonstop since I was 8 years old. I wanted to go to school, to travel and have a bit of a break. To sit in a big library amongst books and students, that was pretty cool. It was a novel experience for me. I never took the fame too seriously. It was a great period in my life, but it doesn’t define me.”

Good on him for choosing a life over the spotlight, and education over fame. Maybe he should DM Gwyneth Paltrow and show her how it’s done.

Snarky Thoughts

The smugness and hilarity of Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson’s 8-day ski accident trial held many of us in a tight grip a while back. It ended when the jury sided with the Oscar-winning actress … hold for laughter … and awarded her the $1 dollar in damages she’d requested; she was also asking that Sanderson pay her lawyer fees because the crash caused her to miss a half-day of skiing, but we now know that lawyers for both parties have agreed to drop that part of the suit. 

My Thought: Maybe that haughty, I’m-too-good-for-this-nonsense bitch face caused Paltrow’s attorneys to rethink their money beg.

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Halle Berry is making Madonna look absolutely parched, she’s so thirsty. Like Madge, Halle has posted a nude photo of herself sipping wine on a balcony to social media, with the caption:

“i do what i wanna do. happy Saturday.”

In the photo, Berry is covering her breasts with her arm and leaning against a railing that covers her nether regions.

My Thought: This is pure thirst because Halle had her boyfriend take the camera downstairs and outside while she perched on the balcony so he could snap the photo. I guess doing what she wants to do for Halle means sending her boyfriend to the yard to take a nudie pic.

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Who needs Adele or Elton, or even Paddington Bear when you’ve booked Katy Perry, Lionel Ritchie, Winnie the Pooh and Tom Cruise for your coronation?

My Thought: King Charles and those wacky Windsor’s are scraping the bottom of the celebrity  barrel to make this coronation a thing.

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Another Kardastrophe, well, to be fair, a Kardastrophe-adjacent, family member is pitching  a hissy over the idea that people think she's had plastic surgery. Kylie Jenner admits to having lip fillers but wants y’all to know she isn’t all that plastic:

“I think a big misconception about me is that I’ve had so much surgery on my face and that I was some insecure person, and I really wasn’t!”

But she always “wanted full lips” but claims it’s not due to insecurities saying she was “always the most confident person in the room” as a child and “the girl performing for everyone,” but because of her “one lip insecurity thing” she chose to make a change.

My Thought: That little lip thing really made her face and body and breasts totally different, and that makes it one special filler.

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Alec Baldwin is back in the news, though not for killing someone … this time. See, after the manslaughter  charges against him were dropped he posted a slideshow of his seven kids calling them “seven reasons to carry on during tough times.” Trouble is, Baldwin has eight children and appears to have forgotten his daughter Ireland, whose mother is Kim Basinger, and whom he famously called a “pig” years back in a telephone rant.

My Thought: Not exactly father of the year material, eh? I mean if you have so many children you forget the first one.

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Snarky Thoughts

If you haven’t been seeing the snippets of the Paltrow v. Sanderson lawsuit from Park City, Utah, consider yourself lucky for having missed the smug performance of a Kim Kardastrophe wannabe and low rent Martha Stewart hopeful in Oscar bought-and-paid for by Harvey Weinstein, Gwyneth Paltrow. This week Paltrow won her case in which she says a large man rammed into her, fell, and he cracked and broke four ribs and suffered a head injury, while thin-a-s-a-rail, bone both drinking  Gwynnie skied down the slope, ate lunch and had a massage while complaining that she was robbed of a half day of skiing.

My Thought: She won because she’s Gwyneth Paltrow though she was only awarded a dollar. Still, for me, that .99-cents too much.

My Other Thought: That smug face; we know she’s a horrible actor so I guessing she had her entire mug and limp hair Botoxed to the Sad Clown Degree.

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While promoting the Dungeons & Dragons movie this week Hugh Grant complained about how these days actors no longer fall in love and screw like rabbits on film sets, but instead go home to their loved ones and their own lives. And he blames it all on cell phones:

“All of that stopped because of telephones. Everyone goes home and looks at Twitter. It’s so sad.”

My Thought: Maybe the women he works with know that Hugh Grant is a serial schtupper and the father of five children, overlapping in age, with two different women … meaning he was schtupping both at the same time. Ick.

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By 2008 Mike Myers’ career of playing corny, one-note unfunny people, and comic villains was just about over, though Myers apparently was the only one unaware. Which may explain why Canadian radio DJ named Jay Brody, who was hired to work as set security for The Love Guru but was fired after just four hours on the job because he broke one rule: he made eye contact with Myers.

My Thought: Was it just eye contact, or was it eye roll contact, as in, seriously, you aren’t funny Mike Myers.

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In 1996, Brooke Shields guest-starred on Friends as Joey’s obsessive fan, and during a date scene, she had to—and by that I mean ‘forced to’—lick Matt LeBlanc’s hand and fingers. In the audience was Brooke’s then-boyfriend Andre Agassi, who later became her husband and then ex-husband, and according to Shields Agassi lost it because he thought the two were flirting … on a TV set … in front of a camera … with an audience … and a full stage crew. Brooke says he ran out of the studio and later screamed at her for making a fool of him and broke all of his tennis trophies in a rage; what Brooke found out later was a meth-fueled rage.

My Thought: Andre clearly has never heard of acting, or else he thinks everything you see on TV is real.

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Khloé Kardastrophe has changed her face so much that she’s pretty much a living reboot of her former self. Now, in the past, Khloé has blasted people for suggesting she’s the product of scrapes and pills and injections and scalpels, oh my. But this week, on Instagram, a fan—do Kardastrophe’s have fans or people they pay to be fans—asked her, “Do you miss your old face?” and she replied, “No.”

My Thought: The answer should have been “Which old face,” because at the rate she keeps changing it I think that one day soon she’ll end up looking like Khloé Kardastrophe circa 2007.

2007 2009 2013 2015 2020 2021 2022 2023

Alexander Ludwig, from the Hunger Games, posted a stripped-down nekkid Polaroid to his Instagram this week, alongside one of his wife also posing nude; she was celebrating her 32nd week of pregnancy and he was celebrating being a hot nekkid soon-to-be Daddy.

My Thought: Alexander should pose nudie pics to Instagram all the time, not so blurry and not so dark, and then maybe I’ll look at my page more often than once every six months.

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Snarky Thoughts

We never hear from Jewel, not that I’m complaining, but when we do, it’s huge. It seems Jewel claims her own mother embezzled some $100 million from the singer when she was Jewel’s manager, and now Jewel is some $3 million in debt.

My Thought: How did Jewel make a $100 million??

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Apparently sometime last year 90s boy bander and Love Is Blind host Nick Lachey accosted a paparazzo and has now been ordered to attend anger management classes and Alcoholics Anonymous. It all happened when Nick and his wife Vanessa were leaving Mastro’s steakhouse in Beverly Hills and Nick noticed female paparazzo Jody Santos taking photos of the couple and drunkenly started flipping her off before walking up to her and trying to steal her phone.

My Thought: Hasn’t Nick Lachey been over for a while, so was he trying to beat up a photographer for taking his picture or for not knowing who he was?

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Gwyneth Paltrow is in court this week; no, not for her vagina candle, or her over-priced golden dildoes, or even for her loopy, goopy medical advice. It all began back in 2016 when Gwynnie collided with 76-year-old Terry Sanderson on a ski slope in Park City, Utah. Sanderson is now suing Paltrow for $3.1 million for the ribs he broke and the brain injury he suffered after her bony body crashed into him.

My Thought: Don’t ask for cash in the suit; ask that you get the Oscar that Harvey Weinstein bought her for Shakespeare In Love.

PS That trifecta of photos of Paltrow up there, taken inside the courtroom, show that she can’t decide if she’s constipated, having a good time, or terrified of being in a room with commoners.

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So the question on everyone’s mind is where in the world does Everything Everywhere All At Once Oscar winner Jamie Lee Curtis keep her award?? Jamie Lee, who has also announced that her Oscar uses the pronouns they and them—I can see Large Marge’s head splitting open as I typed that—she also said she keeps it on a shelf next to her SAG Award for EEAAO and her EEAAO character’s fictional butt plug-shaped award for “Auditor of the Month.”

My Thought: How past Academy Award winners have used their Oscar as a Butt Plug?? Just sayin’.

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During a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter  Ben Affleck spewed some nonsense about how he had a good time with his current wife, JLo, at the Grammys earlier this year, despite the sourpuss he wore all night. But even more ridiculous was when Ben said the comment he made about his previous wife, Jennifer Garner, that if he were still married to her, he’d probably still be married to the bottle too wasn’t very nice.

My Thought: It doesn’t look like his stint at rehab didn’t take if he blames his ex-wife for him being a drunk.

My Other Thought: If that’s Ben having fun, I’d hate to see him miserable.

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Snarky Thoughts

Recently, when a Kid Rock show ran late and was subsequently canceled due to extreme weather, his fans, or is it ‘fan,’  lost their, or his or her, minds, and demanded Kid Rock perform for them. When it became clear Kid Rock wouldn’t, they trashed the venue.

My Thought: I’d have trashed the place while he was performing just to get him to stop the caterwauling.

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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lynn Affleck—imagine the day, coming soon I might think, that she has to change that name—are honeymooning stunting in Europe on a “Look! We Got Married” World Tour. But it doesn’t look as if Ben is having the time of his life when he was caught sleeping on the photo tour.

My Thought: Being Mr. JLo must be exhausting.

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Gwyneth Paltrow has been saying for years she doesn’t really miss acting—her last acting job was 2019’s The Politician—and because she thinks anyone cares, or misses a Paltrow Performance, she went on Sunday TODAY to remind Willie Geist, and anyone watching, that she still doesn’t miss the business “at all.” 

My Thought: She’s trying to remind people she’s an actress so some producer will hire her, while the world, and all of Hollywood think, ‘Yeah, we don’t miss you either.’

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Pat Benatar says she’s done performing Hit Me With Your Best Shot during her shows as her “small contribution to protesting” against gun violence. And while she says her fans are not happy with the decision, she’s doing it out of “deference to the victims of the families of these mass shootings.” Pat tells the fans who are pissed off about this to listen to the song at home, dammit.

My Thought: Maybe we should get Britney to stop singing [Hit Me] Baby One More Time. I mean, not because of any violent undertone, but because Britney can’t sing.

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Demi Moore has announced that she will never, ever again let a movie hairstylist take a pair of scissors to her hair for a role in a film. She says if the role requires short hair, get her a damned wig.

My Thought: Demi Moore is still acting? I thought show biz cut her off like they did Paltrow. And if she doesn’t want her hair going under the knife why does she keep letting surgeons do it to her face.

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I guess the newest thing among the self-entitled is to use a private jet to get around town. Kylie Jenner—and this isn’t saying much, but she’s The Dumb One™ in That Family™—does it, and now so does Drake. He has been using his private jet  to take a fourteen-minute trip from Toronto to Hamilton, Ontario Canada which costs some $3,000 in fuel and releases 4 tons of CO2 emissions into the air as opposed to making the drive which is about an hour.

My Thought: Sentence Drake and Kylie to work TSA at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport as punishment.

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Bobservations

No Carlos this week, but I do have one about The Boys …

Last week I told you that Tuxedo is back sleeping with his two Daddies thanks to a step stool that gets him easily from the ground to the bed. And so he began snuggling with us each night, but that change kinda irritated one MaxGoldberg, who has had his two Daddies to himself all night for nearly a year.

One night this week, Max came onto the bed, saw Tuxedo snuggling with Carlos and turned and left; he didn’t come back into the bedroom until very late, or early, in the morning, and was not happy. So what does MaxGoldberg do? Well,  on chilly mornings, Tuxedo would always lay down under the desk in the living room, by a heating vent, to get warm; it was his spot.

Until that day this week when  MaxGoldberg got there first and refused to budge. Tuxedo ate his breakfast, walked into the living room, saw Max in his spot, and walked the other direction. And later that morning, as the sun warmed up the sunroom and all the cats headed out there to nap, Max and Tuxedo each chose a different chair to sleep in, even though they normally nap snuggled in the same chair.

The sibling rivalry is real. And kinda funny.

As a Cat of Color Tuxedo is disgusted by the line of questioning KBJ has had to endure from the Republicans. 

A co-worker complained about the high price of gas and I reminded her that she spends five bucks a day, every day, for a 20-oz fancy coffee, and, oh by the way, no one is bombing her family out of their home.

Here’s a tip for the next dinner party you attend … instead of making the usual small talk, and asking people what they do for a living, look them dead in the eye and ask:

“So, who do you hate here?”

It’s quite the icebreaker.

Note to the Don’t Say Gay crowd … if your kids are old enough to learn about the Virgin Mary finding herself miraculously pregnant with another man’s child while engaged to her decades older carpenter boyfriend, I think they can handle the story of Billy’s two dads.

Oh, and this week these billboards are sprouting up all over Florida.

Say ‘Gay.’

I just read that the Maury show is ending after thirty-one … WTF … years on TV and I have just one question: How will I ever know who’s the father now?

God, she’s just so precious I could strangle the life out of her.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who believes she invents everything because she slaps a GOOP label on it, has, ahem, designed a new shoe that almost everyone was wearing back in the 90s and called it ‘new’:  the Pilgrim show, which are for sale from GOOP for $1,195. Or you can try your local secondhand store and get a pair for three bucks.

I really could strangle her, and try to pop her ego like it was a giant zit.

So, we know  that Mark and Debra Meadows submitted voter registration forms that listed their residence as a mobile home with a rusted metal roof that sold for $105,000 in 2021, even though they had never lived there. And we know this caused North Carolina officials to investigate Meadows for voter fraud.

Now we also know that Debra Meadows cast a ballot in a 2020 primary runoff using an address that was no longer valid for voting.

Quelle surprise … Republicans breaking the law.

Last week a couple in North Carolina dropped their dog off at a rescues center, abandoning the pet because they said he was gay; they found him humping another male dog. Well, this week that dog has a new home, and a very LGBTQ+-friendly one at that.

Steve Nichols and his partner, John, adopted Fezco after hearing the story about him getting abandoned by his former human parents. Nichols says they felt an immediate connection to Fezco, as both he and John have faced discrimination in their own lives.

Now Fezco has two dads who love him.

This is model, athlete and doctor for the NHS, Rodolfo Valentino, who was born in Napoli and moved to the UK seven years ago to work for the NHS. But the question is: Would You Hit It?