Why Is It ...

… that getting offended by something posted on the internet is like choosing to step in dog poop instead of walking around it.

… that while I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, I am also deaf in one ear.

… that I look into the fridge for a snack only to find there are no snack worthy snacks so I lower my snackspectations and eat a single slice of cheese and that one grape.

… that I often wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

… that I refuse to clean up any rumors out there about me unless it’s the one where people say I’m out there eating coleslaw because that is a bridge too far!

… that my boss hates it when I say “I’m ready to call it a day” right after I clock in.

… that no one gets it that the I in my name stands for I don’t care. And before you say there is no I in my name, I will say it’s there, and it’s silent.

… that I just realized that next week has been exhausting.

… that only I know my body isn’t a temple, it’s a haunted house that needs a lot of work and makes mysterious creaking sounds, and contains the spirit of a creepy old lady that’s always mad about something.

… that I sleep like this: Blanket on, too hot; blanket off, too cold; one leg out, perfect.