Sunday, June 30, 2019
The Funny Papers
Saturday, June 29, 2019
I Ain't One To Gossip But ...
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Last year, Lindsay Lohan was hyping the opening of her Lohan Beach Club in Mykonos with an MTV reality show of the same name.
The show premiered to mediocre ratings and terrible reviews … followed soon by her beach club opening to mediocre ratings and terrible reviews, and now both have been canceled after about a year.
Gird your loins, people, Lohan is out of work and on the loose …again!
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Remember last year when Cardi B ALLEGEDLY ordered a beat down on two strip club bartenders because one of them maybe had sex with Cardi’s man, Offset? Okay, I don’t really either, but the two bartenders, Jade and Baddie G claim they were injured by Cardi’s goons, and then Cardi turned herself in and was charged with two misdemeanors.
Until a Grand Jury heard the case and now Cardi B has been indicted with fourteen charges against her, including two counts of felony attempted assault with intent to cause serious physical injury, misdemeanor reckless endangerment, assault, criminal solicitation, conspiracy and harassment.
I wonder what they’ll charge her with for throwing that shoe at Nicki Minaj?
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I love history, and I love that Jennifer Lopez has been able to rewrite hers. Oh, not about her being an amazing musical talent, or an awesome actress, or the best dancer ever, cuz no one, save JLo and A-Rod, would believe that shiz.
No, JLo, on the verg of marrying ALLEGED serial philandered A-Rod in her fourth trip down the aisle, is saying it’s really only her second time as a bride because her first two marriages don’t count because, and this is full-on narcissistic, egotistical, batshit crazy JLo shiz, they didn’t happen in a church, neither one lasted more than a year, and she didn’t do it for the right reasons.
She’s practically a virgin, except for those two kids she had in her
Still, it sounds like she’s sure this marriage will take, until it doesn’t and she says it’s because she’s a serial marrying dolt.
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And, taking a page from the Jennifer Lopez History Is Flexible Playbook is NBC and the Today show.
Today is celebrating its 25th anniversary of the move to their current studio—seriously, this warrants a party—and they have included every single playing on the Today show team … except for pervy Matt Lauer.
Well, it’s not like he was part of the show for 20 of the 25 years they’re celebrating … except it is.
Sheesh, I’m’a rewrite my own history … like I how I used to be JLo and was a host of the Today show with a trained chimp named Matty until I married Marc Anthony and gave birth to A-Rod.
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It seemed like only a moment ago, we talked for a brief second about that Cardi B-Nicki Minaj feud and what Nicki would do if Cardi went to jail. Well, as Nicki is apt to do, she’d start a new feud with someone, anyone, else. Like, say, oh I dunno, freakin’ Miley Cyrus?
In a song on her new EP She Is Coming (aka I’m Way Into Sex And Drugs, Y’All!), Miley, um, raps [?] about how she likes Nicki Minaj but listens to Cardi B instead. And Nicki, known for her outlandish clothes and thin skin took to her radio show Queen Radio to call Miley out:
“You sucked all that d*ck, only to come out looking like a perdue f*cking chicken on stage, and then got mad and went back to country music. Sit yo’ stupid ass down.”
Miley has yet to comment on being called a chicken with no gag reflex, but Cardi B may have lost her shiz when she was getting her mugshot retouched.
Just sayin’.
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You hear stories about celebrities having things stolen … their jewels, their cars, their careers, their houses. Wait. What. Yup, back in March someone tried to steal Halle Berry’s house.
Apparently one Ronald Eugene Griffin showed up at Halle’s house last January and tried to mess with one of the door locks until being chased off by a gardener. Then in March, Griffin returned with a locksmith and claimed to have the deed to the home, and while workers—does it seem like there are more workers and gardeners in Halle’s house than Halle—called the police, Griffin managed to get the locksmith to change one of the locks and then called the police to accuse the workers of trespassing on his property.
Oy, the cojones. Luckily the LAPD spoke to Halle who had no clue about her, um, ‘houseguest.’ And Griffin was kicked to the curb, er, arrested and charged with “a felony count of procuring and offering a false warranty deed and an additional count of petty theft.”
Must not be the nicest house if the charge was petty theft? Just sayin’. I’m also just sayin’, if Halle can’t even keep a house how can she ever hope to keep a man.
Ouch.
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Friday, June 28, 2019
A Final Story of Pride: Fifty Years Ago Today
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It was fifty years ago today … a lifetime to some of us, a minute to others … but it marked a turning point for the LGBT community. It marked one of the first, and definitely the loudest, times that LGBTQ men and women stood up en masse and said:
“No. We will not be treated like this any longer!”
The weekend of June 27-29, 1969 began what is considered to be the modern-day LGBTQ movement. Oh sure, there were gay and lesbian activists before that weekend, but the confrontation between police and demonstrators at the Stonewall Inn in New York City lit a fire in the hearts of the LGBTQ community like it had never been done before.
And like any good story, there is controversy surrounding the Stonewall Riots; there are arguments and differences over what happened, over how it started, over how it ended. But the main thing we need all remember is that it did happen, and it should continue to be a rallying cry for the LGBTO community to be considered equal in the eyes of America.
We are not quite there yet, and this new administration porves it, so the march goes on …
It started early Saturday morning, June 28, 1969 when the world was still mourning the death of Judy Garland a week earlier. Could it be that the death of one of the most famous gay icons was what sparked the fire of the modern-day LGBTQ Rights Movement?
There are many people who have speculated that Garland's death did push the gay community into the streets of New York City that night, but it was also hot, and some folks say it was the heat that spurred the fight.
I think maybe it was both Garland's death and the hot summer night; or maybe it was just that our brothers and sisters had finally had enough of being told what to do, what not to do, who they could dance with, where they could go, and how to live their lives. Whatever the reason, it was enough; finally, enough.
In the early morning hours of June 28, police officers raided the Stonewall Inn, a small bar on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village. Stonewall, like other predominantly gay bars in the city was routinely raided by the police, and, typically, the more “deviant” patrons—the drag queens and the butch lesbians, especially if they were black—were the ones arrested and taken away, while white, male customers looked on or quietly disappeared.
On this night, the charge at the Stonewall was the illegal sale of alcohol. The raid began as they always did: plainclothes and uniformed police officers entered the bar, arrested the employees, and began ejecting the customers one by one into the street. For some reason, however, the crowd that had gathered outside the Stonewall, a somewhat campy and festive crowd, began to cheer as the patrons were pushed out of the bar.
But soon the mood changed; it was Judy Garland's death, or the summer heat, or the fact that the summer of 1969 was a particularly busy one for police raids on gay bars … or maybe it was seeing drag queens and lesbians and people of color being pushed and shoved and kicked into paddy wagons.
Whatever it was, the on-lookers lost their patience. No one really knows who threw the first punch; some say it was a drag queen, some say it was a rather butch-looking lesbian, but someone defied the police that night … someone had finally had enough.
The crowd—well over a hundred people by now—suddenly exploded; people began hurling coins at police officers, and then moved on to rocks and bottles, whatever they could grab. The police, at first stunned that the normally docile and shamed-into-submission
homosexuals, drag queens and lesbians would react in such a fashion, soon began beating the crowds with nightsticks, but this group was too sad and too hot and too angry to be pushed down again, and police officers were forced to take refuge inside the Stonewall.
As news spread throughout Greenwich Village the crowd grew ever larger; many residents, some gay, some not, raced down to the Stonewall Inn to join the fight. Lighter fluid was squirted inside the bar and someone tried to light it; others grabbed a downed parking meter and used it as a battering ram against the front of the Stonewall; someone began chanting:
"Gay Power!"
And then the riot-control police unit arrived to rescue the trapped officers and break up the demonstration; it took them over an hour to disperse the crowd and, in an effort to taunt their attackers, a group of drag queens began to sing at the top of their lungs:
We are the Stonewall girls We wear our hair in curls We wear no underwear We show our pubic hair We wear our dungarees Above our nelly knees!
That first Stonewall Riot ended in the early morning hours of Saturday, June 28, but the fight was far from over. That night a second riot broke out and the crowd now numbered in the thousands, filling the streets in the name of Gay Pride. They marched to the Stonewall Inn and waited for the police to arrive; and they did, in the early morning of Sunday, June 29. The crowds fought, rioted, screamed and chanted, and the police squads worked to arrest who they could and send the others home.
For over a week, though in smaller numbers, protests and demonstrations continued in Greenwich Village. There was finally a sense in the LGBTQ community of what could be accomplished if we banded together, if we came out, if we were seen, if we were heard.
Being angry created a new day, and a month after the riots, the Gay Liberation Front [GLF] was formed. Radical and leftist, the GLF was one of many politically focused lesbian and gay organizations formed in the days and weeks following the riots. The number of lesbian and gay publications skyrocketed as well, which led to an even greater sense of community. We were no longer marginalized in society; we were out; we were proud; we weren’t going to sit by and watch our brothers and sisters be treated as less than any longer.
Since that weekend, marches have taken place in New York City—and all over the world—every year on the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. In June 1994, hundreds of thousands of people converged in Greenwich Village to celebrate Stonewall's 25th anniversary and in 1999 the United States government proclaimed the Stonewall Inn a national historic site. The following year, the status of the Stonewall was improved to "historic landmark," a designation held by only a small percentage of historical sites.
Stonewall is our Plymouth Rock. It's where the LGBTQ community landed and came together and began the march toward equality. Stonewall was our first glimpse of a new world where we weren't alone, we weren't all that different, where we belonged.
It makes no difference how it started; the death of an icon; the summer heat; a sense of frustration. It makes no difference who started it; drag queens or lesbians; coin tossers or rock throwers. The difference is that it happened.
Fifty years ago, today.
Still, the march, and the fight goes on; we’ve seen so many changes in these last decades; equality; marriage; non-discrimination laws. But we’ve also seen hatred; we’ve seen our brothers and sisters gunned down in another club, another bar, perhaps simply for being gay and out and open; we’ve seen our trans brothers and sister denied healthcare, denied the right to join the military.
And so, we’ll pick up again, and we’ll continue to fight against that hatred, and we’ll continue to stand with, and for, our community, and let everyone know that we are here, and we are queer.
Get used to it.
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Thursday, June 27, 2019
Stories of Pride: Three Years Before Stonewall, There Was Compton's Cafeteria
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In the LGBTQ community, Stonewall is often seen as the turning point in the fight for LGBTQ rights. But, actually, there was another riot, on the other coast, about three years earlier. It was known as the Compton's Cafeteria Riot and it occurred in the summer of 1966 in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco.
George Compton owned several cafeterias in San Francisco from the 1940s through the 1970s, but it was the Compton’s in the Tenderloin where many transgendered people would gather. In those days—the 40s, 50s, and 60s—transgendered people were unwelcomed in gay bars, so they began to meet at other places throughout the city and since the cafeteria was open 24-hours, it was the perfect spot.
At that time, transgendered people were commonly referred to by themselves, other gays, and non-gays, as Hair Fairies, and because cross-dressing was illegal in those days, police could use the mere presence of transgender people in a bar as a pretext for making a raid and closing the bar down. However, like Stonewall, this hot summer night in 1966 would prove to be the straw that broke the camel's back.
That night, police were called to Compton’s because, allegedly, a group of transgendered people were being especially boisterous. The management felt they needed to go and called the police. One officer, accustomed to manhandling transgendered people, attempted to arrest a transgendered woman, and she was not having it; she threw her coffee in the officer's face. It was on. Dishes and food were thrown; furniture was upended. The large plate glass window that fronted Taylor Street was shattered. As police called for reinforcements, the riot spilled out into the street where a newsstand was set on fire and a police car had all its windows broken. Many were arrested that night, but like Stonewall, it wasn't over.
The next evening more transgendered people showed up at Compton’s, along with many men and women from the gay community. Militant hustlers and street queens, members of Vanguard, the first known gay youth organization in the United States, which had been organized with the help of radical ministers at Glide Memorial Church, came along as well. A lesbian group of street people, the Street Orphans, was also at Compton’s that night.
It was a more civil demonstration that second night, with the community simply picketing the cafeteria whose new policy was not to allow transgendered people to be served. As it became apparent that their quiet march was getting them nowhere, the group, before disbanding, shattered the newly installed plate-glass windows again.
The Compton Cafeteria riots were a big deal in San Francisco in the 60s but have been largely forgotten over these last forty years. It wasn't until a documentary, Screaming Queens: The Riot at Compton's Cafeteria, that the story was reborn, and retold. On June 22, 2006, a memorial plaque was placed in the sidewalk in front of the cafeteria site, which is now the Oshun Center, a free clinic for women.
It may not have been as big as Stonewall, but it was just as important. It was another step in a march that still goes on ….
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Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Stories of Pride: "The Puppy Episode"
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It sounded completely innocent, and perhaps that was the reason for the title, but it turned out to be anything but innocent back in 1997 when it aired. It was the episode of the TV show Ellen, when Ellen Morgan came out of the closet and brought Ellen DeGeneres with her.
Ellen had been on for three years, and both Ellen DeGeneres, the writers and producers, were unhappy with the lack of focus in the show. It wasn't the usual single-girl-sitcom-about-the-trials-and-tribulations-of-dating; Executive producer Mark Driscoll suggested that since Ellen Morgan showed no inclination toward dating, she should get a puppy.
"It was an indication of just how lost the show was that network executives would be excited by Ellen buying a puppy."
But then it took on a life of its own, and soon "The Puppy Episode" was born, and it had nothing to do with dogs.
In the summer of 1996 DeGeneres and the shows other writers began negotiating with ABC, and its parent company Disney, to have Ellen Morgan come out during season four. Word of the secret negotiations leaked in September of that year, sparking a storm of speculation as to whether the character, the actress, or both would come out.
Disney rejected the first draft of the script, though not because it would be controversial; Disney exec Dean Valentine said the story did not go far enough. With Disney fully onboard, "The Puppy Episode" was written, and ABC announced on March 3, 1997 that Ellen Morgan would be coming out.
But all wasn't happy and, well, gay, at the time. Believe it or not, there were some people who were upset that Ellen Morgan was going to utter those words … "I'm gay." The studio received bomb threats and phone calls came in declaring that anyone and everyone associated with that show would be going to Hell. And even people in the entertainment industry questioned the need for Ellen Morgan to come out.
"I did it selfishly for myself and because I thought it was a great thing for the show, which desperately needed a point of view."—Ellen DeGeneres
DeGeneres began dropping hints in the episodes leading up to "The Puppy Episode" that she was planning to come out on the show and in real life, including such sight gags as opening the show with Ellen Morgan actually coming out of a closet; and DeGeneres even kissed k.d. lang while presenting her with an award at a Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center function in early 1997.
Finally, in April 1997, came the Time magazine cover, featuring Ellen DeGeneres uttering the words, "Yep, I'm Gay." Ellen, and then-girlfriend [and future crazy] Anne Heche, appeared on Oprah the day "The Puppy Episode" aired to discuss their relationship.
Ellen was out. And Ellen was out.
"The Puppy Episode" and Ellen DeGeneres' coming out generated enormous publicity before the show even aired. Right-wing-nut groups like the American Family Association [AFA] pressured ABC to drop the storyline and urged Ellen sponsors to pull their ads. Two such advertisers, J. C. Penney and Chrysler, decided not to buy time during the episode, and another, Wendy's, decided not to advertise on Ellen ever again.
This was 1997, people, and it is of note that in 2012 J. C. Penney hired Ellen DeGeneres to do an advertising campaign for them.
Of course, even asshat Jerry Falwell had to get in the picture, and took to calling Ellen DeGeneres, "Ellen Degenerate", to which DeGeneres responded:
"I've been getting that since the fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work."
Still, support for Ellen and Ellen was huge. GLAAD organized "Come Out With Ellen" house parties, and the Human Rights Campaign [HRC] created "Ellen Coming Out House Party" kits that included invitations, posters and an Ellen trivia game. HRC initially planned to send out 300 kits, but response was overwhelming, and they upped that number to over 3,000.
When ABC affiliate WBMA in Birmingham, Alabama, citing that old chestnut "family values", asked for the networks permission to air the show in a late-night slot, ABC refused; the affiliate then refused to air the episode at all and the local LGBT organization Pride Birmingham arranged for a satellite feed of the episode and rented a 5,000-seat theatre for a viewing party, which sold out. Activists in Abilene, Texas circulated a petition requesting that their affiliate, KTXS, not air the episode but were unsuccessful.
"The Puppy Episode" was the highest-rated episode ever of Ellen, drawing some 42 million viewers; it won an Emmy for Best Comedy Writing, and won a Peabody Award for Excellence in Television, and a GLAAD Media Award.
Ellen Morgan's coming out has been described as "the most hyped, anticipated, and possibly influential gay moment on television" and is credited with paving the way for such LGBT-themed shows such as Will and Grace, The L Word, Ugly Betty and others. It has also been suggested that Ellen and these other series have helped to reduce societal prejudice against LGBT people.
Following "The Puppy Episode", Ellen was renewed for another season, but ABC, possibly faced with more advertisers withdrawing, began to preface each episode with a parental advisory warning because, you know, gay. DeGeneres criticized the network for including the warnings, telling Entertainment Weekly:
"It was like this voice like you're entering some kind of radiation center. It was very offensive, and you don't think that's going to affect ratings?"
DeGeneres further noted hypocrisy on the part of ABC which aired episodes of The Drew Carey Show and Spin City, featuring two men kissing, with no disclaimers at all. Was it because the men, and their characters were heterosexual, and so the joke was okay?
So, many people say, Ellen DeGeneres took it a step further. Episodes after "The Puppy Episode" dealt almost solely with LGBT issues: Ellen coming out to her parents and boss, quitting her job at the bookstore and finding a series of new jobs, searching for a girlfriend, and learning more about the LGBT community.
Even some members of the LGBT community criticized this new gayer Ellen. Chastity Bono, working for GLAAD at the time, said:
"[Ellen] is so gay it's excluding a large part of our society. A lot of the stuff on it is somewhat of an inside joke. It's one thing to have a gay lead character, but it's another when every episode deals with specific gay issues."
Bono would later say her—Chaz Bono had not come out as transgender at this time and had not yet transitioned—comments were taken out of context.
Ellen was canceled after its fifth season. And with that, DeGeneres went back to stand-up comedy, where she had begun her career, and returned to television in 2001 with the short-lived The Ellen Show, in which her character Ellen Richmond was openly lesbian from the start. She has since found enormous success with her talk show The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
Speaking of "The Puppy Episode" and its aftermath, DeGeneres said:
"It was a huge step in my life. I think people sensed the honesty in it. I think it helped a lot of people, and still to this day I hear about parents and children being able to have an honest conversation through watching that show. That's ultimately what television can be: It can get conversations started."
I agree. I was out, way out, when this show aired, but I teared up when Ellen Morgan uttered those words, because I had teared up the first time I uttered them. And I teared up because this was one of the first times I had seen one of 'us' on TV who wasn't a joke, or a villain, or dying of AIDS.
It was a gay character, just a normal gay character. And I'll always remember the one line I loved even more than the coming out line; it happens when Ellen Morgan tells her therapist that no one gives you a cake with the words "Good For You, You're Gay" on it. And when she finally admits that she is gay, her therapist says those words to her.
I say that to everyone I know who's come out since that show aired:
"Good for you. You're gay."
And the march goes on.
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Stories of Pride: Jade Elektra is Unforgettable
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Last week at the 2019 Toronto AIDS Vigil, local drag queen Jade Elektra, AKA HIV+ activist Alphonso King, Jr., took the stage to deliver a message. And it wasn’t that Jade would become the first drag performer to ever sing live at the event, it was the song she sang and the message she delivered.
She sang the Nat King Cole classic, “Unforgettable,” but made the tiniest of changes to the lyrics:
“Undetectable.”
Jade says the song, and the idea to sing it that night, started as a joke with her husband:
“I started singing it and decided to say ‘undetectable’ instead. It wasn’t until he insisted that I sing it for an upcoming show that I realized that the original lyrics worked on a different level with the word change.”
And after performing the song publicly once or twice, Jade was invited to sing at the annual AIDS Vigil, and even she was stunned by the reaction:
“Looking out over all those faces was amazing. And hearing their reaction to the first word was magical! My fear melted away and it was on to channeling Marilyn Monroe as much as possible. Because after all, I may be HIV positive, but Jade is a sexual being and unapologetic about it. I hadn’t decided what I was going to say in the instrumental break, so I just let what came to mind come out.”
And this is what she said during that break:
“You know, for people who are living with HIV, we finally have the science to back up what I kind of knew about a decade ago. That ‘undetectable’ means you are ‘untransmittable.’ And hopefully, this will help us fight the stigma associated with being positive.”
It’s no longer an instant death sentence; it’s no longer something to feel ashamed of; it’s a condition, a manageable condition; it’s not something to fear or hide. You can live openly and honestly, and love openly and honestly, and be a sexual being, openly and honestly.
And Jade is absolutely ‘unforgettable’ for delivering that message.
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019
Stories of Pride: One More Reason To Be Out and Proud
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Sal Stow and Meghan Stabler are a same-sex couple living in Texas. Yes. Texas. And this month, during Pride month, as they do, they hung a Pride flag outside their home. Again; Texas. And what happened next, well, here’s how Sal posted it:
“I just went out to collect 2 packages from the doorstep (at my partner Meghan’s house, that I call home) only to find this note under a rock on the mat. This is why visibility is SO important. You never know who needs the support and to know it’s ok. I hope this person is ok, their family is being supportive and they find a community to connect with that can help them through this brave process. Williamson County is extremely conservative and in fact the County Commissioners voted 4-0 to not allow the pride flag to be flown on the Round Rock county court buildings. I am proud of who I am and the person I love. I will continue to be visible in whatever way I can”
And this is the note:
“Hello, you don’t know me but my name is [redacted]. We’re moving away today but I wanted to thank you. Seeing a pride flag waving so proudly outside your home every day has given me the courage to come out to my family and be more comfortable with who I am.” 
You know, I often say that closeted celebrities need to come out because, in doing so, they may inspire other people, the non-famous sort, the everyday gays, to come out as well.
But it’s not just the famous; it’s all of us that need to be out and open and visible because if we can help just one other person not feel different or alone or shames, then that’s the real meaning of Pride.
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Stories of Pride: Utah High School Won't Stand For Homophobia
Monday, June 24, 2019
Stories of Pride: Like Stonewall, Pulse Could Become An Historical Landmark
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There is talk, as we just commemorated the third anniversary of the Pulse nightclub mass shooting, of turning the spot into an historic landmark.
As Floridians and queer people around the world continue to mourn and memorialize the third anniversary of the Orlando Pulse Nightclub massacre, a group of Florida lawmakers have introduced a new bill in Congress to have the site declared a historic landmark.
United States Congressional Representatives from Florida, Darren Soto and Stephanie Murphy, recently announced their intentions to create a memorial to those whose lives were taken June 12, 2016; Soto said:
“This is an important step to preserve an LGBT historic landmark at a time when many of these sites are being destroyed. The memorial will serve as a reminder of the remarkable way our community came together to heal and overcome hate.”
At present, funds raised by the non-for-profit group onePULSE have helped establish the site as a temporary landmark, but if this bill passes—and remember, it’s Florida so it might be an uphill climb … the governor of the state recently marked the anniversary of the Pulse shooting without mentioning the LGBTQ community at all—Pulse would have access to national funds to help maintain the memorial as a permanent site.
Barbara Poma, owner of Pulse, says the site has thus far raised $14 million of a $45 million goal.
“In these times when acts of hate and violence are on the rise, we must remember our past and work to do better now and in the future”.
If this bill passes, Pulse would become only the second LGBTQ site in the nation after the Stonewall Inn to become a national monument. And if it passes, I suggest we move to create a memorial to remember the UpStairs Lounge massacre as well; and maybe include the 1966 LGBTQ riot at the Compton Cafeteria in San Francisco.
We can celebrate Pride and dance and sing and have fun, but we need to remember the sadness and the tragedies of what has happened before; if we forget, then nothing will change.
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