PR 15 Ep 4: Some Swim, Most Sink

I seem to recall that it was just a week ago that everyone was heaping praise on Erin for winning — well, except Corny because that girl is a bitch — and then we find this week that everyone seems a bit peeved at Erin’s talent. Luckily, for Erin, and unluckily for the others, she doesn’t seem to care what they think; she’s got game and she knows it.

But the designtestants play nicely as they once again gather on the runway to meet Heidi but no Tim; where’s Tim? Where’s Andre? That’s an old PR joke, for old PR fans, but it still makes me laugh.

Tim finally arrives dressed impeccably in swim trucks, shirt, beach towel, and a nose slathered in zinc oxide! Oh, the things Tim Gunn does for the PR.

Anyway, Heidi and Tim spell out the challenge — whilst some of the male designers comment favorably on Tim’s legs; they must create a swimsuit and cover-up inspired by Heidi Klum Swim and the winner will have their look reproduced and sold as part of Heidi Klum Swim. They will also create their own print for the challenge and then also have $100 for Mood and one day to finish all of this. It sounds simple, but as we soon learn, making a swimsuit, small as it may be, is a lot harder than doing a gown ….

I fear for some of them, but let’s rip ….

THE SAFES

clockwise from top left

BRIK opts to make a Brick print because, yeah, it’s self-explanatory. I like his look; it’s cute and sporty but maybe misses Heidi’s sexy vibe.

CORNELIUS was just a whiner all night, making things Heidi hated until he switched it up. His finished look is okay but a sheer bed sheet draped at the waist does not a cover-up make.

DEXTER wanted to do snake, but focused on a snake eye that Heidi found very scary; he also rethought and removed the eye but kept the snake pattern. It looked good, but again it was not a Heidi Klum Swim™ … suit.

ERIN had immunity and could have gone wild, but played it kinda safe; it’s all right but the skirt was way too long for the model.

NATHALIA seems to take digs at everyone else and yet she’s never been a Top or Bottom and this seen-it-before-and-done-better look isn’t helping.

MAH-JING was originally making a denim baking suit with a denim coat cover-up; seriously! He kept the denim top, but went with a decidedly more beachy look and fabric on the runway. The color is good, the rest is kinda meh.

LAURENCE usually is edgy but for some reason she was seeing spots … or the Target logo in a different color. It’s nice, but nothing more.

THE BOTTOMS

TASHA

We learn instantly that Tasha does not do swim suits and so we also learn instantly that this won’t turn out very well. She tries to create a Rasta-print for her swimsuit but when Tim — and Heidi! — stop by for a critique Heidi says it looks like Tasha had Chinese food for lunch; she is also not pleased with the strip of print creating a runway to the vagina.

Tim says Tasha needs to rethink and she does, but clearly she needed a third, and perhaps fourth, rethink.

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m very nervous and hoping her boob doesn’t come out.

WHAT I SAID

It’s sleazy and tiny and dirty, but dirty in an unclean kinda way; the cover-up looks like a smock one would wear if they worked in the morgue.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Guest judge, musician, author and monotone model, Lucky Blue Smith, thought the suit was too safe, but he hated the print. Nina Garcia riffed on Heidi’s workroom critique and said the print was a Japanese menu and the cover-up was the heavy tablecloth at the Japanese restaurant. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said the print would have worked for a vintage-style dress, but not here, while Heidi wished Tasha had “owned” the print and focused on it in the cover-up as opposed to the Dead Guy Smock.

JENNI

She had hoped to create a bold purple print — a take on a mandala — but instead used lavender coloring and seemed shocked that the print came back in lavender. But she was gonna make it work, even after Heidi’s first reaction was a heavy sigh. Heidi hates the color and the design and then she tries on the bottoms — never good — and declares that she hates the high-waisted bottoms. She takes a look at the cover-up and asks Jenni: “You would wear that?”—and that, too, is never good.

But Jenni stands by her look, though she does remake the bottom from a high-waisted mess to a string bikini mess. And she seems sure it will win, even going so far as to model the look for the other designtestants, who all say it looks good, though their faces say, "You’re out."

WHAT SHE SAID

You need to take risks and then stand up for them.

WHAT I SAID

The I Dream of Jeannie harem pants that flap down from the front are just creepy … Hello Vagina!

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Nina called the print a yoga mat, and not in a good way; she saw a disconnect between the sporty top and the sweetness of the print and the Whoa! bikini bottom. The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it Miss Piggy Meets The Golden Girls and Granny Stripper. Heidi says “Oy,” and repeats the “old lady” line from her workroom critique and said she likes retro when retro is cool … which this is not. Nina then called it an overdose of Lavender.

SARAH

She’s been mostly invisible this season, floating around the Middle Earth so much so that even Heidi says she doesn’t remember her. Sarah created a print based on a cartoon of a woman sunbathing; I like the drawing but it’s giving me Garanimals and that’s not good.

Heidi did like the print, calling it cute, but called out the puckering of the top and saying it looked “thrown together.” And she hated the wrap dress, cover-up, asking Sarah if this will be a winning look; the answer is clear.

WHAT SHE SAID

It actually looks quite cute.

WHAT I SAID

For a day-care swimsuit. It’s just so young and so not Heidi Rockin’ Bod Klum.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Nina says the print is not good, calling it a child’s suit and adding, “The only thing missing that makes it a child’s suit is a rainbow cover-up and you almost did that!” Heidi liked the concept, but said it just looked too young; the design is a no and the cover-up is as forgettable as Sarah — maybe I said that last part. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said the bottoms look like boy’s underwear and Lucky said he was no fan of the cover-up — you need to cover that cover-up! Okay, I said that, too.

THE TOPS

ROBERI

He was inspired by the feathers of a macaw and created a really fun print that Heidi loved and that Tim called high-end; that’s pretty much all we got of Roberi until the runway …

WHAT HE SAID

I love the way the swimsuit moves.

WHAT I SAID

I’m not a fan of the color of the cover-up — bloody rust is never good — but I love the feather print.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Adorable Zac Posen™ loved the print and shape and fabric choice of the cover-up, though Nina wishes the scale of the print was larger and perhaps done over a white background, but she loves the shape of the bathing suit. Heidi calls the look “flattering” and modern and says she can see it in her line. Lucky also liked both the suit and the simplicity of the cover-up.

ALEX

Alex. Oy, that voice; the affect of that voice just makes me said, and then angry as we constantly hear him dog the other designers for their work. I need him to stop talking.

Alex took a cue from a flower tattoo on his arm and created a very delicate flower print that Heidi loves; she was not as fond of the white deep blue panels on either side of the suit however — she said, “It bites” — and suggested those be changed and Alex was one of the few designers who listened. He narrowed the blue band to a thin strip which was far more appealing.

WHAT HE SAID

She popped that coverall off and it looked amazing.

WHAT I SAID

I’m getting Little House On The Prairie At The Swimmim’ Hole from the cover-up and Baby Doll from the swimsuit; plus the print is so small and delicate you don’t really see it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Heidi loved the cover-up more than the swimsuit, saying it “sells the look.” She likes that it’s fun and that it flows. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said Sardinia and Greece — which I’m guessing were compliments — and called the look very easy. Nina loved the Mediterranean print and was a huge fan of the cover-up saying she wanted it and would wear it all the time. Lucky said his sisters would love the cover-up, too, just because he, and they, are “down to go” after a day at the beach.

RIK

I was worried about Rik; after last week’s disaster — I thought he was leaving — I worried about his Harlequin-wonky black-and-white print. I mean, it was a cool design, but I didn’t believe that La Klum would love it.

Luckily, I was wrong; Heidi loved the print and called it ballsy; her only suggestion was that he go a little more sexy—as opposed to slutty like last week? I did notice that his cover-up seemed to be an all-white kinda jumper, but, again luckily, he ditched that for a pair of pants in his print.

WHAT HE SAID

I feel she looks cool and modern.

WHAT I SAID

I love it because it’s bold, but there’s something about the low-cut legs that make it seem less swimsuit and more onesie.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Adorable Zac Posen™ said Rik nailed it with his “printastic” design; he called it graphic and said it was Rik’s best work. Heidi loved what she called a powerful and flattering print and Lucky completely agreed, adding that he thought it would be a best-seller for Heidi’s line. Nina called it a Wow and said it was super-polished and memorable from head-to-toe.

Here’s how this boils down …

When Nina calls your look memorable you are a winner … even if the design doesn’t slip effortlessly into Heidi Klum Swim … so Rik recovers remarkably after last week’s bad taste showing.

And when Nina says you made a bad print into a bad swimsuit with a bad cover-up, there is no saving you, so it’s Good-Bye, er, Get Auf, to Sarah … we hardly knew you.

Heidi in the work room is so cringe-worthy because she will not mince words, and I love it!

Cornelius needs to close his mouth; he’s either dogging the other designer’s looks or patting himself on the back while kissing his own ass or, in the case of this week, whining and kvetching about how he doesn’t “do” swimsuits. Snap out of it, Corny! This is the PR! You had to have known a swimsuit was coming and you should have done your homework.

Poor Sarah was so desperate to be seen, and critiqued, and then the first time she gets the chance she sent down that sad Little Girl Lost The PR swimsuit. I’ve already forgotten her.

Now, about Alex and The Dossier. I swear that if he said “dossier” one more “dossier” time, I was gonna grab my “dossier” and climb through my TV and “dossier” him to death. Yes, the “dossier” helped you go Top Two but it came off as a bit pandering, especially when you “dossier’d” all over the runway.

Line of the Night goes, again, to Nathalia who said this about Mah-Jing’s denim bikini:

“Not even Rihanna would wear a denim bikini and Rihanna is the queen of trying new things.”

Honorable Mention goes to Heidi Klum for saying to Cornelius, about his ill-fitting bathing suit top:

“Have you ever seen boobs?”

That answer would be “No.”

Lucky Blue Smith. He’s kinda hot in that Dumb Jock Who Plays The Guitar kinda way, but, again, how does that mean he should be a judge. His mostly mono-syllabic critiques were just repeats of things the actual judges said. Still, I did like looking at the big lunk.

So, Rik scored a win and was, again, totally adorable in his redemption. I’m hoping he’s a Tent Guy. Erin’s look was again very well done and so she seems to be a shoo-in as a Tent Gal unless she crashes and burns. I can see Dexter, maybe, Roberi, and possibly Laurence, though she slipped into Dullsville this week, at The Tents.

Nathalia? Tasha? You might wanna ask Sarah to hold the door for you. Cornelius will be killed at some point for being a bitchy queen, or will just completely bomb a challenge, and Alex will hear his own voice and perhaps fall asleep for the rest of the season.

Next week: TEAMS! And meltdowns, I hope!

What did YOU think?