It's Snarkurday!

Remember when those Looney Lohans—chardonnay loving Dina and her cracktress daughter Lindsay—filed a lawsuit against Fox News because Michelle Fields , a guest on Sean Hannity’s show, accused them of doing coke together?

 Well, Fox News apologized; I think they said something like we’re sorry someone said you do coke together, when it’s actually crack. But the Lohans weren’t buying that apology because neither one of them has a job and so, yeah, lawsuit, claiming Fields’ comment smeared their reputation.

Stop laughing! That’s what they said.

Well, I guess even the judge wasn’t laughing because he tossed the Lohan Lawsuit out of court saying the comment wasn’t “malicious” because the Lohans are public intoxicants figures.

Maybe they’ll get a job now?

I said, Stop laughing!

It appears that Deborah Norville went Christian Bale on her crew the other day.

Y’all recall when Bale had an epic meltdown on a movie set because someone was ruining his scene? Well, it happened to Norville, too.

Apparently, Deborah Norville, who has been on Inside Edition since she was run out of town by The Today Show, was working a Harper’s Bazaar party in New York last week when a band of rude and mean bitches did not give her the time of day and off she went.

A witness says that Deborah was interviewing celebrities but was growing more and more irate that all the pretty girls—models, mostly—walked through her shot during filming, but she finally blew her stack when a lowly publicist entered her filming arena.

And so … She.Kicked.Her.

Yes, while Christian Bale f-bombs when he’s angry, Deborah Norville will actually kick you if you piss her off, and all the while smile for the cameras.

But then, I’m guessing because she was so enraged, she began hijacking interviews from other, for lack of a better word, journalists. As one celebrity was speaking with someone on camera, Deborah Norville ALLEGEDLY busted in and began interviewing said celebrity, starting off with an “I’m Deborah Norville.”

But the best part of the night was when she saw a celebrity wannabe circling the carpet and she screamed “Willow” at Willow Smith.

Except it was Willow’s brother, Jaden.

Ouch.

More drama at The View and the season’s barely begun.

It all started the morning after the Miss America pageant when co-host Michelle Collins brought up the monologue about being a nurse that Miss Colorado gave during the talent section. They showed a clip of Miss Colorado delivering the monologue while wearing her nurse’s uniform. Joy Behar asked, “Why does she have a doctor’s stethoscope around her neck?”  

And suddenly nurses everywhere shrieked and turned off their TV sets and refused to ever watch The View again.

Not because of the nurse bashing but because the show is over … like by about five years.

And two advertisers also seized this non-event o pull out of the show; both Johnson & Johnson and Eggland’s Best Eggs announced that they were done giving advertising money to The View. 

Again, not because of the nurse bashing but because the show is seriously over.

Rumor has it that Jessica Simpson appeared on the Home Shopping Network last week to hawk her shoes or purses or sunglasses or something, and she was all kinds of drunk.

Of course, though both Jessica and her people, and HSN have all chimed in saying she was not drunk, or tipsy or blotto, but maybe she’s just dumb?

Okay, maybe I said that.

Sources say that Jessica was on for two hours selling and selling and that she wasn’t drunk, but maybe she was just tired, and, oh, by the way, she slurs when she talks.

Wow.

Well, That Woman must be rolling over in her crypt with the news that thirty-eight-year –old Orlando Bloom is hooking up with her nineteen-year-old daughter Kendall after the two met at a party.

Yes, the math is correct, he is twice her age, but That Woman only cares about the fact that if they continue being a couple, she’ll get Orlando to sell his soul to her and he’ll be forced to either appear on her rancid reality show or spend and eternity in Hell.

I’d pick Hell, myself.

So, last season Empire was the hit show, and so naturally people wanna talk Taraji and Terrence; well, maybe not Taraji because she’s normal, but lotsa folks ask creator Lee Daniels about that hot mess known as Terrence Howard and Daniels opts to stick up for the lunatic wife beater.

And that’s how Daniels now finds himself at the suing end of a lawsuit brought by Sean Penn.

It’s no secret that Howard has been accused of physically assaulting nearly half a dozen women, and so when Daniels was asked about that he said:

“That poor boy. [Terrence] ain’t done nothing different than Marlon Brando or Sean Penn, and all of a sudden he’s some f—in’ demon. That’s a sign of the time, of race, of where we are right now in America.”

And cue the $10 million lawsuit brought by Penn against Daniels.

Seriously, though, is Daniels suggesting that since Sean Penn beat up on Madonna — and let’s face it, he did — that Terrence Howard be given a pass?

Two wrongs make a right, Lee? And quit making light of Howard’s abusive nature by saying someone else did it, too.

Azealia Banks doesn’t have a career any more, unless you call attacking people on social media a career. And maybe even she doesn’t because now she’s taken her act off the internet and into the sky.

Banks was on a flight from New York to LA this week and gave passengers quite a display of asshatitude. It all began when the plane landed and Banks was ready to get off. Trouble was, she was in the 6th row and she was blocked from exiting by a French couple in the 3rd row. Azealia tried to squeeze by them but the man put his hand out to, she says, “stop her.”

And she was off!  Witnesses say Banks spit in the man’s face, punched him and clawed at his shirt. When a flight attendant stepped in, grabbed Banks’ bag and told her to calm, she really lost it.

Well, her balance at least; She fell into a seat, got back up and tried to get her luggage back from the flight attendant while calling him a “f**king f*ggot.”

And so a co-pilot got involved and threatened to call the police and that’s when Banks ran, dropping her phone along the way. Police caught up with her at baggage claim, but she wasn’t arrested or anything, because the French couple, on vacation, didn’t want to be bothered with some “low-rent, low-class piece of trash with a filthy mouth.”

Oh, yeah, I said that part.