The Emmys ... A Drive-By Review

So, the Emmys. The best part of the whole show is that it came in right on time at three hours. The worst part is that it was three hours of nothing really surprising, nothing really funny, nothing really shocking, though there were a couple of bright spots ... Viola, Regina, Transparent ... so let's rip ...

I find it odd that a show that honors television can be so bad. And Samberg was okay; there were some hits—‘Paula Deen is on this season of Dancing with the Stars. If I wanted to see an intolerant woman dance, I’d have gone to any one of Kim Davis’ four weddings—and some misses—I’d like To Give The World An Emmy and The Best Boss skits fell flatter than a bad soufflé.

I get Andy Samberg confused with Jimmy Fallon. But a low-key jimmy Fallon, he was last night.

LEAD ACTOR, DRAMA … Jon Hamm, Mad Men … His first win, and for the show’s last season but enough about that. Jon Hamm has got to be the sexist man ever. Seriously; I paused and just stared.

LL Cool J and that damned hat.

LEAD ACTRESS, DRAMA … Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder … “The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity.” Funny, in 67 years not one black actress has won Outstanding Dramatic Actress. Sixty.Seven.Years. Is it because there are no black winners or because there are rarely black actresses as leads in drama series? Uh huh.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE ... Regina King, American Crime … Another woman of color wins, and deservedly so. King was breathtaking in that role.

Fred Savage is adorable. Except he has a Mike Tyson Little Boy Voice.

OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES … Veep … LEAD ACTRESS, COMEDY … Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep ... SUPPORTING ACTOR, COMEDY … Tony Hale, Veep ... WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES … Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci and Tony Roche for Veep … I haven’t ever seen the show, so, um, yeah, it won.

The whole time Amy Schumer and Amy Poehler were presenting I kept thinking they should win the award fro Most In Need Of A Hairbrush.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, DRAMA … Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black … she really is the new Ed Asner, by winning Emmy’s in both comedy and drama for playing the very same role.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS, COMEDY … Allison Janney, Mom

With so many wins — as many as Ed Asner — Janney’s the new Ed Asner and the new Uzo Aduba

I can’t with Tracy Morgan. Sorry about his accident, but I can’t with him.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES … Game of Thrones ... DIRECTING FOR A DRAMA SERIES … David Nutter for Game of Thrones … WRITING FOR A DRAMA SERIES … David Benioff and D.B. Weiss for Game of Thrones ... SUPPORTING ACTOR, DRAMA … Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Lord, Peter Dinklage is one sexy man.

I loved when James Cordden made the audience stand and cheer for The Accountants.

OUTSTANDING LIMITED SERIES … Olive Kitteridge ... LEAD ACTRESS, LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE … Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge … LEAD ACTOR, LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE … Richard Jenkins, Olive Kitteridge ... SUPPORTING ACTOR, LIMITED SERIES OR MOVIE … Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge … WRITING FOR A LIMITED SERIES, MOVIE OR DRAMATIC SPECIAL … Jane Anderson for Olive Kitteridge … DIRECTING FOR A LIMITED SERIES, MOVIE OR DRAMATIC SPECIAL … Lisa Cholodenko for Olive Kitteridge 

Anderson and Cholodenko should attend a Frances McDormand Seminar on ‘Acceptance Speeches’ because while they rambled and rambled, McDormand kept it short and sweet and to the point.

Enough with the rip-off of the Billy Crystal Inserted In Movies bit. It was old after the first year.

DIRECTING FOR A COMEDY SERIES … Jill Soloway for Transparent … LEAD ACTOR, COMEDY … Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent … GUEST ACTOR, COMEDY … Bradley Whitford, Transparent … So glad that Transparent won; it’s nice to see these kinds of stories honored, but …

Bradley Whitford trying to have a Pharrell moment by wearing a crazy hat just screamed “Look at me! Look at me!!”

VARIETY TALK SERIES … The Daily Show With Jon Stewart … WRITING FOR A VARIETY SERIES … The Daily Show With Jon Stewart … DIRECTING FOR A VARIETY SERIES … Chuck O’Neil for The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 

I kinda wish Letterman had taken the prize, but Stewart deserves it.

Adrien Brody — yes, compared to Brody. Andy  Samberg has a button nose — but I find Adrien Brody very hot.

GUEST ACTRESS, COMEDY … Joan Cusack, Shameless

I know that Ricky Gervais seems to take over the show whenever he presents and to turn it all into a gag about him, but I love it and wish he would host more awards show. Sure, he’s irreverent and off-color and sometimes rude, but man oh man is he funny.

VARIETY SKETCH SERIES … Inside Amy Schumer … love it. It's the Year of Amy.

I can’t with Terrence Howard. He just seems like a smug, nasty misogynist every time I see him. Next time just have Cookie present the award, m’kay?

GUEST ACTOR AND ACTRESS, DRAMA … Margo Martindale, The Americans, and Reg E. Cathey, House of Cards … Cathey came out to present and that man has the sexiest voice ever. Talk to me …

I was hoping Lady Gaga would go kinda American Horror Story: Hotel in her drag, but she went safe Emmy’s actress drag … yawn.

REALITY-COMPETITION SERIES … The Voice

For the first time in many moons, The Amazing Race doesn’t win. I blame Not Enough Shots Of Phil's Crotch ... because it's real, and it's spectacular.

I know they have to do the In Memoriam bit but it always seems like a drag though I loved that they played the late Eva Cassidy’s version of ‘Over the Rainbow.’ It always makes me weepy.

There you have it. It was okay, Samberg was just okay. No shocks, no surprises, no really truly hilarious bits. It was … okay. And fort a TV show honoring TV it could’a been so much more.

What did YOU think?