I Didn't Say It ...

Lindsey Graham, the not-gay Republican Senator from South Carolina, on what he would do as president about defense cuts:

"Here is the first thing I would do if I were President of the United States: I wouldn’t let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We’re not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We’re not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts."

Yes, as President of the United States he would demand that the military of the United Sates imprison Congress until they do what President Graham … sorry, I puked a little typing that … wants.

Funny that, because if Obama even joked about such a thing, Miss Lindsay’s knickers would be in such a twist, and her pearls would be clutched ever so tightly.

Heather Mills, Paul McCartney’s ex-wife, on Ireland’s The Late Late Show, saying she wasn’t there to talk about McCartney while she maintains that no one asks her about him:

“No, they’re not. That’s the thing. If I go down the street, all I get is kids coming up to me, half of them don’t even know who he is. That’s why he has to do songs with Rihanna and Kanye West, so people remember. But you know, most of the time I have people coming down the street and saying, ‘Oh my god! You’re a ski-racer’ or ‘You help the animals.’ I own the biggest vegan company in the world. Most of the money goes into helping animals, disabled kids, landmine clearing charities… You know, things that are changing the world.”

Oh Heather, what can I say?

Well, for starters, anyone who says “the kids” is clearly out of touch.

And anyone who thinks that because she owns a vegan food company she’s more relevant than Paul McCartney is clearly as thick as can be.

Call me Heather if, in fifty-plus years, anyone remembers anything at all about you other than the fact that you were the second Missus Paul McCartney; you know, the one the kids remember as a horrible greedy bitch.

Stephen Sondheim, legendary composer — Into the Woods, Follies, A Little Night Music, Sweeney Todd, and Company — on Lady Gaga’s Oscar performance of The Sound of Music:

 “[S]he was a travesty. It was ridiculous, as it would be from any singer who treats that music in semi-operatic style. She had no relationship to what she was singing. What people liked was her versatility.”

Yeah, I’ll give him that, but I give Gaga props for not coming out dressed like a Nazi or a Nun, and showing she could do something else.

Barney Frank, former Congressman, on Meet The Press talking about the fight to end bigotry against the LGBT community:

“Well, I tell you, our reality is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people beat the prejudice. I mean, the central mechanism is that we stopped hiding. And it turns out we weren't what the stereotype was. But clearly, there was a point when the notion that I could get married to Jim while I was still in Congress would've been the most bizarre possibility. I remember the time I got married, someone said, 'Well, would it be controversial if you got married while you were still in Congress?' And the answer was, yes it was. A lot of my colleagues were mad that they didn't get invited.”

That’s exactly why I think everyone needs to come out; the hiding is what makes us seem shady and devious and different and evil and makes it easier for people to dislike us, or even beat and kill us.

I mean, it’s quite easy to put down something you’ve never seen before, but once you’ve seen an actual gay person, you realize there really isn’t that much difference between us.

Kathy Griffin, joking … really, Kathy … about Taylor Swift:

“[She’s] a self righteous bag of bones [and] a mildly good singer. She’s kind of like a singing Gwyneth Paltrow to me….What the fuck is she shaking off?...It’s not special that you fucked John Mayer. I think my mom fucked him. He is a manwhore.”

Kathy being Kathy.