I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Those Kardastrophes ruin it for everyone. No, not Kim Kardastrophe or even Kanye Kardastrophe, I’m talking NorthSouthEastWest Kardastrophe ruining Fashion Week for babies! See, during this years’ New York Fashion Week, little North threw not one but two front-row hissy fits. Kim was so embarrassed; she took North backstage and left her there while she returned to her seat. What a wonderful mother!

Now, it’s not her fault; she has a lunatic for a father and a famewhore for a mother who thinks that the front-row at a fashion show is the best place for a toddler.

Well, now Nuclear Wintour has put her foot down and officially banned all children from runway shows by telling designers not to allow toddlers on the front row at any fashion show that she attends.

Now if only Anna would ban spoiled brats and porn stars, we’d never see Kim or Kanye at Fashion Week again!

This makes me laugh … the thief who stole Lupita Nyong’o‘s $150,000 pearl Oscar dress has apparently left it on a bathroom floor after he attempted to have it appraised and learned the pearls weren’t real. And then he actually called TMZ to say he took two of the pearls down to the Garment District in LA and learned they were fake so he returned the dress to the hotel.

To top it off, the people at Calvin Klein never said if the pearls were real or fake, and the only person who represented the orbs as real and valued the dress at $150K was Lupita’s stylist.

Francesco Costa, Women’s Creative Director of Calvin Klein, said this:

“Did anyone ever say they were real from Calvin Klein? I always assumed everyone knew they were fake, but I guess not. The source awesomely adds, “Do they really make dresses out of real jewels since Cleopatra died?”

The thief was apparently all bent out of shape and said he called TMZ just to “expose Hollywood’s fake bullshit” but he just comes off looking like a moron thinking he was, what, going to pawn a $150,000 peal dress and not get nabbed.

Stupid is a stupid does.

Wow. Her dressing room hasn’t even been fumigated yet and already people are coming for Kelly Osborne’s Fashion Police gig.

The two front-runners, and I mean they’re a couple of heifers racing down a chute into the rodeo ring, are Khloe Kardastrophe and NeNe Leakes. Ryan Seacrest, who practically runs E! is said to be Team Khloe while UsWeekly says NeNe is in it to win it.

A source close to Khloe — it’s Khloe, really — says, “She was supposed to do it last time and passed. She may consider doing it again but the offer would have to be really high. It’s a lot of extra work for her.”

‘Extra work’? Bitch, please. Khloe has never had a job.

As for NeNe, rumor has it that shortly after The Great Joan Rivers™ passed away, NeNe’s name was bandied about as a replacement.

Again. Bitch, please. Kill the show already. It has been the same without JR.

And ... women who dress like this are going to be Fashion Police?

There’s always been the idea that the Kennedy’s are America’s Royal Family, and it’s kinda true … in that some of them are spoiled, self-indulgent, pampered, drunk in public and dumb.

Like Robert Kennedy Jr.’s underage daughter, Kyra, who made a scene when she was refused entry at club Lava at the Turning Stone Resort Casino in Verona an upstate New York recently.

The 19-year-old made a drunken stink at the club when security didn’t accept her ID — a passport belonging to her 26-year-old half-sister, Kick.

One witness — and it could’a been Lohan because it was at a nightclub and that girl lives in nightclubs — said, “A security guard took Kick’s passport from Kyra and asked her to recite her birth date, and she didn’t know it. He then caught her trying to look up Kick’s birthday on Wikipedia on her phone. 

The security guard then refused to return the passport, and Kyra started shouting all this stuff, including, ‘I am a Kennedy, Google me. If you don’t let me in, the governor will be calling.’”

Lovely. Her grandfather would be so proud.

I just love a Bitter Old Queen Fight … and I don’t mean Carlos and I have a spat over breakfast about who didn’t do the laundry ... I mean a Global Bitter Old Queen Fight.

Y’all remember when Madge took a tumble at the BRIT Awards after a dancer tried to remove the cape she was wearing — to reveal her matador outfit — and he ended up heels over tits on the floor? Well, afterwards Madge admitted the cape was tied too tightly and the staging wasn’t exactly as they had rehearsed, but she thanked Giorgio Armani for making the cape.

But it seems like Giorgio had his bikini briefs on backwards because he took a swipe at Madge for no apparent reason, saying the bull fighter’s cape that took her down was meant to be closed with an easy-to-undo hook but she wanted it tied instead:

“Madonna, as we all know, is very difficult. That’s all there was to it.”

Okay, so Madge changed the closure on the cape, but she’s the one who took the fall. Why is Bitter Old Queen Giorgio throwing shade at Bitter Old Queen Madge? We all know she’s “very difficult”. What does that have to do with her fall though?

I think Giorgio is suggesting that when he wears the cape around his house and his scantily clad male dancers pull it off of him to reveal his toreador suit, he doesn’t fall down and go BOOM so why should she?

Sometimes these things write themselves …

Y’all remember Amy Pascal; the former Sony Pictures boss who emails were hacked and showed what a b***h she was and so she was kicked to the curb. Well, in this case ‘the curb’ was a downshift position to ‘on-the-lot producer’ in a smaller office once used by Seth Rogen.

But the movie is being delayed because of Rogan’s love of marijuana. The suite Pascal’s set to take over reeks of pot thanks to its most recent occupants, Rogen and his Interview directing partner Evan Goldberg.

The offices will be repainted in an attempt to get rid of the smell, as the ALLEGED stench had seeped into the flooring — some say they could smell it two floors away.

Rogan for his part is fuming — get it, fuming — about the story, at first calling it untrue, and then saying he was angry that they would call his pot ‘stench.’