A Little Snark For Saturday ...

I’ve said it once; I’ve said it a hundred times; I’ll say it again: Do not get into a fight with Naomi Campbell. I still have the Blackberry dent in my forehead from where she beaned me with her phone. But, but, if you’re gonna throw down with Campbell, maybe ask model Cara Delevingne to back you up. See, Naomi and Cara ALLEGEDLY got into a catfight after a shrieking fit turned into fisticuffs during Paris Fashion Week. Witnesses — and it was probably Lohan working as a cater waiter  — say Naomi was shouting at Cara, and then the pushing and shoving started. Cara snatched some of Naomi’s weave out her head and Campbell got in a couple of swings, but ... what started the brawl? Rihanna. The witness — again, Hi LiLo — says, “Naomi accused Cara of ‘disrespecting’ Rihanna and started yelling, ­before Naomi pushed Cara, who pushed back.” One source — Team Cara — says, “It was a noisy and packed party. Naomi was saying all these nonsensical things, she was ranting. There was a messy pushing match. Cara didn’t understand because there’s no problem between her and Rihanna. Cara didn’t want to be involved and was telling Naomi, ‘Get away from me!’ ” But another source — Team Naomi — says, Campbell had been chatting with Dakota Fanning, and added, “Naomi didn’t do anything wrong. We are talking about a very tiny club in Paris with a very busy table — if someone pushes someone, it’s because there is no space.” Naomi later went partying at Up and Down’s pop-up at Raspoutine, where a spy said, “Everyone was talking about the drama with Cara, but Naomi just smiled angelically.” And held onto her phone.

First off, when you hire Christina Aguilera, you know you’re hiring a diva, right? So then why get all pissy when the diva goes diva? Well, sources — it might be Britney this time cuz she hates Xtina — say Xtina went overboard with her demands during a guest appearance on Nashville, where she’s playing pop diva with a stripper name, Jade St. John: “She’s asked for not one but three hairdressers to be on call 24 hours a day because she’s so worried about what the Nashville weather will do to her hair. And her wardrobe options are twice the size of anyone else’s. She insisted that she looks sexier than any other cast member and even wants her heels to be the highest.” First off, I get the three hairdressers; I mean, it takes a village to get that platinum looking platinum every day, especially in the Tennessee humidity! But, maybe Xtina was just maintaining her diva-tude from The Voice? See, after coming back from maternity leave, Xtina ALLEGEDLY reminded everyone on the show why they hate her: "Christina is such a terror to work with. She is frequently late and she doesn’t even seem to care or apologize for holding up the filming of the show. To make matters worse, she is constantly fighting with Adam. They cannot stand each other.”  Maybe Xtina learned the public preferred Gwen Stefani or Shakira to her, and when the producers tried to get either woman back on the show — on a temporary basis — Xtina shut it down! She ALLEGEDLY wants to be the only woman on the show and that may actually be in her contract. But, like I said, you hire Xtina, you expect diva, so when you get diva, you just need to sit down.

So, y’all remember that Pamela Anderson remarried her ex-husband, Rick Salomon, back in 2013 or early 2014 — no one seems exactly sure — and then filed for divorce just six months later? And then she asked a judge to dismiss the divorce filing, only to refile aging this year. Straight people and marriage; how come no one wants to legislate that? Anyway … now things are messy.  Pam has gotten a restraining order against Rick, claiming that there is a “pattern of abuse” and that he hurt her. In fact, she says that while they were married he ALLEGEDLY tried to smother her while they were having sex. The restraining order also claims that when Salomon is “upset,” he calls her “cruel names” such as “slut,” “ugly old b––” and “crack whore.” Let’s see: rough sex, and dirty names; it sounds like a drunken night gone too far. But Anderson ALLEGEDLY kept all his crazy texts and emails, like the ones in which he calls her a “cutter” and a “serial baby killer with her husbands.” He also claims she had begged him to get her pregnant while they were married and accused her of being a fraud because the PETA diva eats fish. Gosh; I think these crazy kids will patch this up and get back together, and then divorce next year. Or … they won’t patch this up, and they will get divorced, and then get married again next year. Again, why doesn’t anyone want to legislate against these opposite sex couples making a mockery of marriage? Oh yeah … straight.

It must be like a circus inside Kanye’s head, with all those voices telling him to do and say crazy things … like when he said that the President of the United States, Barack Obama, calls him at home just to talk. The same Obama that called Kanye as ‘ass’ after his running the stage on Taylor Swift at the VMA’s. Except, that while appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! this week and asked about calling Kanye, Obama said, “I don’t think I’ve got his home number.” Well, some paparazzi caught up with Kanye later and told him that Obama denied the phone story, and the voices in Kanye’s head said: “I love Obama. He called our house before. He knows that. Don’t try to pit us against each other. I love Obama.” So basically, if you call Kanye out for lying, you’re trying to pit him against the person he’s lying about. Kanye. Dial down the voices, hon, the Krazy if getting’ real.

Wow, Justin Bieber got into a wee fight with David Arquette at his 21st birthday bash last weekend in Vegas. Rumor has it that Arquette was “pretty messed up” by the time the after-party kicked off in the birthday boy’s suite, and was openly “talking about Bieber behind his back.” And Justin don’t roll like that: “Justin heard what David had been saying, and threw him out of his suite with the help of a friend, because they didn’t have security up there. Somehow David managed to get back in and rushed at Bieber to take him out. There was a confrontation, then other people got in the way to separate them. David was thrown out again, this time for good.” Still, the bigger question is why is forty-three-year-old David Arquette going to a twenty-one-year-old Justin Bieber’s birthday party? Seriously, get drunk with friends your own age.

I’ve said it once; I’ve said it a hundred times; I’ll say it again: Do not get into a fight with Naomi Campbell. I still have the Blackberry dent in my forehead from where she beaned me with her phone. But, but, if you’re gonna throw down with Campbell, maybe ask model Cara Delevingne to back you up.

See, Naomi and Cara ALLEGEDLY got into a catfight after a shrieking fit turned into fisticuffs during Paris Fashion Week. Witnesses — and it was probably Lohan working as a cater waiter  — say Naomi was shouting at Cara, and then the pushing and shoving started. Cara snatched some of Naomi’s weave out her head and Campbell got in a couple of swings, but ... what started the brawl?

Rihanna. The witness — again, Hi LiLo — says, “Naomi accused Cara of ‘disrespecting’ Rihanna and started yelling, ­before Naomi pushed Cara, who pushed back.”

One source — Team Cara — says, “It was a noisy and packed party. Naomi was saying all these nonsensical things, she was ranting. There was a messy pushing match. Cara didn’t understand because there’s no problem between her and Rihanna. Cara didn’t want to be involved and was telling Naomi, ‘Get away from me!’ ”

But another source — Team Naomi — says, Campbell had been chatting with Dakota Fanning, and added, “Naomi didn’t do anything wrong. We are talking about a very tiny club in Paris with a very busy table — if someone pushes someone, it’s because there is no space.”

Naomi later went partying at Up and Down’s pop-up at Raspoutine, where a spy said, “Everyone was talking about the drama with Cara, but Naomi just smiled angelically.”

And held onto her phone.

First off, when you hire Christina Aguilera, you know you’re hiring a diva, right? So then why get all pissy when the diva goes diva?

Well, sources — it might be Britney this time cuz she hates Xtina — say Xtina went overboard with her demands during a guest appearance on Nashville, where she’s playing pop diva with a stripper name, Jade St. John:

“She’s asked for not one but three hairdressers to be on call 24 hours a day because she’s so worried about what the Nashville weather will do to her hair. And her wardrobe options are twice the size of anyone else’s. She insisted that she looks sexier than any other cast member and even wants her heels to be the highest.”

First off, I get the three hairdressers; I mean, it takes a village to get that platinum looking platinum every day, especially in the Tennessee humidity!

But, maybe Xtina was just maintaining her diva-tude from The Voice? See, after coming back from maternity leave, Xtina ALLEGEDLY reminded everyone on the show why they hate her:

"Christina is such a terror to work with. She is frequently late and she doesn’t even seem to care or apologize for holding up the filming of the show. To make matters worse, she is constantly fighting with Adam. They cannot stand each other.” 

Maybe Xtina learned the public preferred Gwen Stefani or Shakira to her, and when the producers tried to get either woman back on the show — on a temporary basis — Xtina shut it down! She ALLEGEDLY wants to be the only woman on the show and that may actually be in her contract.

But, like I said, you hire Xtina, you expect diva, so when you get diva, you just need to sit down.

So, y’all remember that Pamela Anderson remarried her ex-husband, Rick Salomon, back in 2013 or early 2014 — no one seems exactly sure — and then filed for divorce just six months later? And then she asked a judge to dismiss the divorce filing, only to refile aging this year.

Straight people and marriage; how come no one wants to legislate that?

Anyway … now things are messy.  Pam has gotten a restraining order against Rick, claiming that there is a “pattern of abuse” and that he hurt her. In fact, she says that while they were married he ALLEGEDLY tried to smother her while they were having sex. The restraining order also claims that when Salomon is “upset,” he calls her “cruel names” such as “slut,” “ugly old b––” and “crack whore.”

Let’s see: rough sex, and dirty names; it sounds like a drunken night gone too far.

But Anderson ALLEGEDLY kept all his crazy texts and emails, like the ones in which he calls her a “cutter” and a “serial baby killer with her husbands.” He also claims she had begged him to get her pregnant while they were married and accused her of being a fraud because the PETA diva eats fish.

Gosh; I think these crazy kids will patch this up and get back together, and then divorce next year. Or … they won’t patch this up, and they will get divorced, and then get married again next year.

Again, why doesn’t anyone want to legislate against these opposite sex couples making a mockery of marriage? Oh yeah … straight.

It must be like a circus inside Kanye’s head, with all those voices telling him to do and say crazy things … like when he said that the President of the United States, Barack Obama, calls him at home just to talk. The same Obama that called Kanye as ‘ass’ after his running the stage on Taylor Swift at the VMA’s.

Except, that while appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! this week and asked about calling Kanye, Obama said, “I don’t think I’ve got his home number.”

Well, some paparazzi caught up with Kanye later and told him that Obama denied the phone story, and the voices in Kanye’s head said:

“I love Obama. He called our house before. He knows that. Don’t try to pit us against each other. I love Obama.”

So basically, if you call Kanye out for lying, you’re trying to pit him against the person he’s lying about.

Kanye. Dial down the voices, hon, the Krazy if getting’ real.

Wow, Justin Bieber got into a wee fight with David Arquette at his 21st birthday bash last weekend in Vegas.

Rumor has it that Arquette was “pretty messed up” by the time the after-party kicked off in the birthday boy’s suite, and was openly “talking about Bieber behind his back.”

And Justin don’t roll like that: “Justin heard what David had been saying, and threw him out of his suite with the help of a friend, because they didn’t have security up there. Somehow David managed to get back in and rushed at Bieber to take him out. There was a confrontation, then other people got in the way to separate them. David was thrown out again, this time for good.”

Still, the bigger question is why is forty-three-year-old David Arquette going to a twenty-one-year-old Justin Bieber’s birthday party? Seriously, get drunk with friends your own age.