PS10EP4: The Vanishing, er, The Return

Well, since I didn’t recap last week while on vacation, let’s mini-recap:

Ven won. Christopher cried. Raul went home. Then, right at the end of the episode, Andrea, partnered with Christopher in the episode, and pushed under a bus by Christopher on the runaway, only to be pulled out by Christopher and thrown under the bus again by Christopher, has vanished in the night. A designtestant has escaped!

So, let’s start this week on the heels of last week’s crazy. The designtestants head off to MK, the Michael Kors flagship store on Madison Avenue to learn about their challenge. But first, the news is broken to the group that Andrea is gone, having packed her knives and fled. Christopher, who I liked at first, being the cute gay boy, has turned into All About Me and talks about Andre’s departure and how it’s affected him and is it his fall and whatever shall he do? Grow a pair, honey.

And the kvetching continues. What a quitter. What a fine example. What a moron. Okay, that last one was mine. Gunnar, in that high-pitched, only squirrels can hear it, voice, ‘Way to be immature Andrea.” So says the man with the whipped cream hair.

Still, Andrea’s resignation was lame. I mean, what kind of teacher quits? Is that the example she sets to her students? I’d skip that class, kiddies, if I were you. And if it’s because the show is hard and stuff, well, boo-freaking-hoo. I don’t sew; couldn’t sew a seam with a map. But, after watching the show for the pasty thirty or so years, even I know how hard it is. The short amount of time; the little money; the close quarters; the lack of sleep. Gunnar breathing the same air. Buffi’s eye shadow. It’s hard work. But that’s the gig, Andrea. And if she didn’t want to stay, why not slither off on the runway before Raul got Auf’d? Wouldn’t that have been better? More mature?

And then, in the workroom, after the Kors visit and the trip to Mood, Kooan wants to do his own vanishing act as well. He says I not happaaaaaay! I wan go home. Okay, whatevs. Now, I’m personally thrilled the Cartoon Rabbit has left the hutch, I do respect that he had the sense and manners to do it face-to-face. I think Kooan realized his aesthetic is so wacky and wild and far off base—though some may like it—that he’ll never be a mainstream designer, and that’s what the show puts out there. Avant-garde, a la Siriano, is good; avant-crazy, not so much.

But then when the others started to weep and say how hard it was—Nathan? I’m talking to you here—I was annoyed. How do these people get on the show and then act all surprised that it’s hard baffles me. Nathan. You’re cute, but you need to grow a pair, too.

So with Andrea scurrying away in the night like a cockroach, and Kooan going all anime outta there, the show brings back Raul, the auf’ee from last week. I mean, they needed someone, right, since they lost three people in the space of about a minute, but, when you get the Heidi SendAuf this early in the season it means you just don’t have it. So, don’t expect Raul at the tents, unless it’s to sweep the floors between shows.

And then he acts all thrilled to be back, like the universe has righted itself or something. He even mutters an “I’m back bitches” and I’m thinking, “Don’t unpack just yet.” And I’m also thinking, “Enough with the hair!” Enough with drama, too. WTF? Did I just say that? Yes, I did, it’s time to get on with the show; I mean it’s about fashion, not about crazy quitters, eh?

This week is dubbed the Michael Kors Challenge though I don’t know why. It’s played like Michael Kors is the only designer on Earth who creates for the “woman on the go” and so that’s the challenge. She has to be able to get on a flight, go to a meeting, out for cocktails, schtup the boss, and get a promotion, all in the same outfit. That’s a challenge, so maybe they should’a called it the Michael Whore Challenge, but I digress…..Let’s rip:

ALICIA

I kinda like her. Quiet, under the radar. But, well, her clothes are less than inspiring. Her “woman on the go” wears shorts and shirt. Now, that’s good for working in the garden, driving a dozer, and putting up shelves, but that’s about it. It was cool, yes, and I loved the elbow patches, but I think Alicia needs to step it up. Her look is true to her aesthetic—Lesbian Lesbian Functional—it looked more sporty and not so chic and versatile.

On a superfluous note: I want to see her with her dreads up and wearing one of Sonjia’s head-wraps.

That’s all.

GUNNAR

I loathe him. That voice. That hair. That ego.

And he’s practically giddy as a mean girl that Andrea vanished, and Kooan took a dive. I think he means that means he’s closer to showing at the tents when it really means he’s closer to getting Auf’d.

I did love the look on his face when Raul came back. It was like his hair melted a bit at the sight. Good stuff.

Not so good was his design. It started out as differently colored panels on a skirt, kind of like an ombre effect but without the ombre. Yeah, it made no sense to me either.

His dress looked, um, nice, but man it had a lot going on. It wasn’t so much “woman on the go” as it was “dress on the go.” Color blocking! Mock Turtle! Keyhole! Belts! I think I even saw the kitchen sink when she turned around.

Gunnar needs to learn to edit. His designs. His hair. His voice.

VEN

Or, as I am starting to call him because no one matches his skill set, gretchVen. He whines about Andrea leaving, blibbety blah blay blue bad example. And he is one of the only designers not the least bit upset or sad that Kooan hopped away. And he’s visibly pissed—his scalp turned scarlet—when Raul sauntered back into the room. He says Raul has maybe one or two more challenges before he’s Auf’d again, and it sticks this time. On that score, I agree with him.

gretchVen goes cashmere, with his usual pleating, origami looking design. I do like the wacky zipper in it, but I wish maybe he do less folding, and less dresses and, well, as Gretchen might have said, less one-note.

He’s good, but he’s safe.

MELISSA

I’m beginning to like her, even her Goth aesthetic. And I liked her ambition this week, not just making a dress, but making leggings, a hoodie, a sweater, a t-shirt, a tank top. And then she made dinner for the crew and made peace with Palestine.

She truly is a “woman on the go.”

Her layered look was the most versatile of all the looks, but, while I does love me some black, a little color, a pop here or there, might have made it stand out some more. As it was, I got a little Obi Wan Kenobi from it.

Not that it's necessarily a bad thing.

I just hope the force is with her.

NATHAN

Nathan’s cute, but to paraphrase Tom Hanks in that Madonna baseball movie—I’m too lazy to Google it—“There’s no crying in fashion!”

I did like his design, though the color was a little like something a “woman on the go” might find in the diaper of her newborn. And the vest looking thing didn’t seem to mesh with the chic dress, though he gets points for versatility, but Nathan, too, will have to step it up, because right now it’s the Middle for him.

I will, because I'm shallow like that, admit to still finding him adorable and, while I was annoyed that he cried, I did kinda wanna hold him and make it all better.

Whoosh. Felt good getting that off my chest.

ELENA

Elena’s “woman on the go” was decidedly urban in a Jeff Bridges in TRON sort of way. Don’t get me wrong, I liked it, but the jacket seemed to me to be a little “woman on the go who’s having an affair and rushed out of the hotel room with her boyfriend’s jacket.”

A wee bit, um, bulky, though it was totes Elena—and forgive my use of the word totes.

I hope she steps it up because she’s got some great ideas. Her clothes seem futuristic, but then she gets bogged down by the same shapes and the same drab color. I mean, i love gray, but a little color wouldn't hurt her deigns oin the runway either.

BOTTOM THREE

FABIO

Fabio's look was kinda boring. And this from a man in a turban!

The dress is way too short, and when she walked back, the pattern was off-center in the back. And, it bears repeating, it was way too short; or, as Christopher called it, “fish whistle” short. I don’t know from the fish whistle, and while it seemed slightly offensive, the point was made.

Too short.

Kors dings Fabio for not blending his personal style with his design, and I agree. If Fabio had taken what he wore on the runway and kind of feminized it a bit, it would have been cool and chic and totally Fabio. And it probably wouldn’t have sent him down to the bottom.

Nina felt his look lacked glamour, and while I love, and fear, Ms. Garcia, I didn’t hear about glamour being part of the challenge. Heidi no like. Guest judge Hayden Panitierre wasn’t impressed, nor was alternate guest judge Rachel Roy.

I hope Fabio takes a good long look in his own closet and uses that as inspiration, because if I were a designer, I’d be dressing like Fabio. But, alas, I am a housewife in Smallville, so I’ll stick to gingham and hairnets.

RAUL

Yeah, you’re back. Now, do something about that dippity-do curl. I only wanna see that when I’m ordering a burger from a plastic boy.

Raul decides, I guess, that since he got the reprieve, to go all out on his design and make a suit. A suit that becomes a mess of a pair of pants, with leather insets sewn in at the last minute because the pants don’t fit, and a see-thru kinda tight blouse, and a vest that could have a second career as a car cover.

Bad time management! Bad execution! Bad styling choices! Seriously, a white, grey and black outfit with a hot pink clutch and blue CFM heels? And the same hair that Blair wore on The Facts of Life? Not good.

Raul is scared to death as his look walks the runway and rightly so. He is lucky that there is one other, for lack of a better word, “design” catwalking that day or else he’s be back at the Atlas packing again—if he’s ever really unpacked.

Kors loathes the Cuckoo Crotch. Itʼs a total train wreck, top to bottom and back again. If that “woman was on the go” she’d be running from Joan and The Fashion Police.

Again, he got lucky because, well…...

BUFFI

As news that Andrea has gone over the wall sinks in, Buffi tells us that she doesn't think Andrea would have gone much further in the competition.

Cue the ominous drumming.

Buffi’s “woman on the go” worked nights. She was, um, as Buffi said, a “people person” and “always on the move.” That screams hooker. Then she made the dress and that screamed hooker too. Nine just plain screamed.

Buffi’s all bright colors and flash and, well, tacky. But this time she wants to avoid the hot pink and show the judges she can do something else. She chooses purple zebra and hot coral. I pick up the twenty dollars the john left on the nightstand.

And she belts it and then tells the judges that the belt can change the look of the dress. But it isn’t a magic belt because the dress still looks horrible. Now, I am glad that Buffi stayed true to her, um, style, but did anyone, other than Buffi, think her looks would get her to the tents? I mean, as bartender, maybe.

Or a hooker.

And she has plenty of time to think about it because she’s gone.

Auf’d.

She does, however, get points for her exit. Gracious and fun, and funny; hiding behind the couch was cute. And she promised to get even tackier after the show.

Honey, we’d expect no less.

TOP THREE

CHRISTOPHER

I’m kinda over him. After his crying jag on the runway last week about how much he really really wants this…well, I guess he thinks the other designers are just there for the free room at the Atlas and the free catered lunch.

When Tim officially announces Andrea has vanished his first thought was how will affect him. Um, except for losing several thousand karma points for lying on the runway last week and saying Andrea wanted to go home, not much. Except for that black hole in your soul, you’ll be fine.

I so wanted Christopher to be in the bottom because he tells us ad nauseum how much he hates being the bottom. I’m not sure he meant in fashion, if you get my meaning, because Christopher screams bottom, and scream is the operative word.

Christopher’s “woman on the go” lives in New York and works and plays and works and plays, and maybe throws bystanders under buses. I’ll give him props because it was chic, the jacket was cool. But I will remove points for that wacky hem. I think when dresses have that long piece hanging in the front they look like they’re being worn backwards. If he’d cut that piece off, and made the dress a hair shorter, it might have been very cool.

Christopher gets Third Place for his design and last place for his personality this week.

DMITRY

I’m starting to feel Dmitry. His sullenness is just Dmitry.

His “woman on the go” likes chic and simple, with some added detail. I liked his design, though I am a little tired of the keyhole back. Isn’t there another shape on planet Earth to use as a sexy back? But I loved the pleated detail at the front. I didn’t love the little scarf or wrap thing he showed in the workroom and was glad it didn’t make it to the runway. It looked cheap and small and sad.

While Heidi wanted Christopher’s dress, she was less than thrilled with Dmitry’s look. Nina likes it and Kors, too, though he wished it had been done in a color. As soon as he said that I thought, had it been in red it would have looked amazing. Had it been done in white, with the pleating and braiding done in black leather, it might have been something.

Without that front detail it would’a been just a dress, so he got points there. And for always making things that are completed, and completed well.

SONJIA

I.Love.Her.

The blue hair! Those wraps on her head! And she hasn’t gotten the mean girl edit, so maybe she’s just nice, which would be a change.

Sonjia’s gray dress was chic and kinda fabulous, though it read to me a little more nighttime than something a woman could wear day-to-night.  Her “woman on the go” was draped in jersey and knotted and tied and flounced.

Kors loves it, though when he said it could be worn with riding boots, I got a little Walk Of Shame image in my head. It was definitely more elegant and upscale than casual; I loved the little knot at the top, which created that little slit of skin, though I thought it sagged oddly beneath the model’s boobage on that side. And the little flirty flounce part was kinda too cutesy in my mind, but since Sonjia is so cutesy, I’m overlooking it. I will not overlook Hayden Panettiere saying she would wear it at a red carpet event. That dress, while nice, and well made, does not say red carpet.

MY TAKE

I’m loathing Ven and his superiority a little. I’m still loathing Gunnar and his frothy do. Christopher’s a little too Me Me Me, that I may change his name to Mimi on future recaps. Dmitry is growing on me, and Melissa, too. Raul should ask Buffi to save him a seat at the Loser’s Table because he’ll be there soon. As for the rest, they all need to step it up if they wanna make it to the tents.

Nathan? Melissa? Fabio? You all have such great style but you need to bring it.

What did YOU think?