I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Lindsay Lohan isn’t okay with sharing the spotlight, especially at one of her favorite Hollywood night clubs.

A source—and you just know it’s fame-whoring momager Dina, after draining another box of chardonnay—says, the Liz & Dick cracktress put a wrench in E! reality star Francesca Eastwood’s birthday bash.

“Francesca was celebrating her birthday with around a dozen friends in a private area when Lindsay came over and started screaming that Francesca should leave,” Dina says. “She was yelling ‘I’m a star, she’s a nobody, get her out of here!’”

Lindsay Lohan? I’m.A.Star. I could die. Of laughing.

But Dina continues, “One poor guy came over and tried to calm [Lindsay] down and she acted aggressively. At that point the security told her to leave and it was totally embarrassing. She is acting like some bad ’80s film star, and it is hard to watch because she needs help.”

But before Lohan could scurry away like the nightclub cockroach she is, she and her driver—and I’ll give her points for having someone else drive—almost hit one of the valet guys as they left.

All of which begs the question:

Why is she such a cracktress? And why do folks keep hiring her? And why can’t I stop laughing that Lohan screamed “I’m a star.”?

More importantly, though, why do clubs still allow Lindsay inside?

Tom Cruise wants to be the Best Daddy Ever, and is taking great pains to make sure he wins the title, and, eventually, full custody of Suri.

While Katie enrolls Suri in school, and takes her on play dates, Tommy is whisking her away, in a private jet no less, to Disney, where he rents the unpurchasable Cinderella Castle Suite for his daughter.

She was treated like a princess while he acted like a queen.

But, in the wake of Katie’s Mission Impossible: Escape From Tom, he needs to revamp his image. I mean, let’s face it, when your wife needs to use burner phones and plan her escape while you’re out of town, it screams a little battered wife. No, and I don’t mean physically abusive, but perhaps emotionally and mentally abusive. The whole story of how Katie managed to slip out of a window, scale the fence, and bike ride from LA to NYC just to get away from Tom screams Lifetime movie.

So, Tom needs a new image. Good Daddy! Best Daddy. Take his daughter everywhere and give her everything while Mommy says ‘No’ to the puppy.

But, really, could a makeover make us believe that Tom would be a better parent than Katie Holmes. He’s all about fun and games and giving her everything while Katie enrolls her in school and dance classes.

But according to sources, Suri’s happiness isn’t all that Tom wants. It seems that Tom’s makeover into full-time caring Daddy is simply to wait for the day he can get in a courtroom and hoping a judge will ask Suri where she wants to live: with Daddy in FantasyLand, or with Mommy in the real world.

For Tommy, she’s not a daughter, but a trophy to be won so his image doesn’t continue to tarnish.

I love Anne Hathaway.

I love Joseph Gordon-Leavitt.

But, ALLEGEDLY JGL doesn’t feel so hot about Annie.

They may have been all smiles during the Dark Knight Rises press tour, but sources—and I think it’s Michael Caine—say JGL actually can’t stand Hathaway. He ALLEGEDLY feels that she acts like an insufferable snob toward him and that the awkwardness got so bad between them during filming that whenever she’d walk into a room, he’d immediately walk out of it.

“He thinks she’s a good actress, but he just doesn’t understand her ego,” says, ALLEGEDLY, Michael Caine. “Also, Anne was very dismissive of Joseph early in her career. She even turned down a couple of jobs where she was supposed to act opposite him.”

But with this movie, she was actually at a disadvantage because when JGL was cast he already had a long relationship with director Christopher Nolan. So, if Annie didn’t like him there wasn’t much she could do.

I dunno about this. It reeks of a made-up story because JGL and Hathaway seem like two nice, hardworking, cute—her—and adorkably hot—him—people. I would think that the press people made up the rumors to drum up business, but since Dark Knight has already made about a billion dollars they don’t need this kind of gossip…..

I don’t watch Dancing with the Stars but I’ve always thought Derek Hough was a big old homo. I know, he has a reputation for wooing the ladies, and even, ALLEGEDLY, dated his dancing partner on DWTS, Shannon Elizabeth, though she later admitted it was all for the show. And then he had a :::cough::: romance with Cheryl Cole which juts long enough for her to find someone better, or straighter.

And then there’s the story that Derek just loves his sister’s boyfriend, the ambiguously gay, Ryan Seacrest.

Insert beard jokes here:

But one thing Derek doesn’t like is being photographed. In a gay bar. I know!

Derek Hough, in some shiny silver pants, shook his bon-bon at Jam, a gay club in his hometown of Salt Lake City, but he went all RuPaul raging when a fan asked for a picture.

Though it’s been reported that he is dating “DWTS” contestant and opera singer Katherine Jenkins, she was nowhere in sight when Derek danced with his buddies at Jam. But fan Ken Lee was there and he wanted a picture with Derek.

“I’m a big fan of Derek’s, and I always thought or HOPED he was gay,” says Ken Lee. “Seeing him shimmying with his buddies at the gay club wearing skintight, shiny silver pants just made my mind scream!”

But when Ken approached Derek for a photo, the dancer “got all nervous and fidgety and stammered, ‘No, no, no — not here!’”

“I was really careful about approaching him respectfully,” Ken explained. “I went up to Derek and said, ‘excuse me’ and asked very nicely if I could have a photo taken with him. Well, he couldn’t have been more rude or a bigger diva! I was like, OK, he’s clearly not comfortable about having his picture taken in a gay bar. If you’re not gay, then what’s the problem? Derek’s behavior was very suspect Derek very well may not be gay, but he sure was dressed pretty and threw an impressive hissy fit when I asked for a photo!”

Silver pants. Gay bar. All boys.

Yeah, gay.

I love Robert Downey Jr. Even in his crackiest drug and alcohol induced stupors he was a better actor than most. And he’s also a bit nutty.

While filming David Fincher’s Zodiac, RDJr was not familiar with the—new at that time—way of shooting a film digitally. Fincher’s use of digital cameras meant less time for breaks, making the process very fast, and RDJr was not happy.

In fact, he was downright pissy.

So much so, that Fincher says RDJr would leave jars filled with urine around the set, in protest.

Yup. He’s a pisser all right.

And I still like him.

Katy Perry is still dating serial manwhore, and utterly fugly musician, John Mayer. And he is really not much of a step up from ex-husband Russell Brand. In fact, he’s a step down, to the left, and around the corner, in a dumpster.

But Katy’s happy so all’s well.

Except when Russell talks about her. See, that makes Katy mad. Even though she included footage of him in her movie after Brand asked her not to, and even though she parodied him in her music video, “Wide Awake,” in which she punched her Prince Charming in the face.

That’s all good, in Katy’s world.

But when Russell Brand scarcely mentioned her on Howard Stern’s show she went off. Though Russell tried to evade the questions, he ended up saying, “I don’t want anything to hurt her. She’s younger than me, she’s a young woman and she’s beautiful and she’s sensitive and I care about her deeply … I don’t want to be too glib.”

Nice, actually, especially, coming from Brand. But Katy was pissed anyway, and now she’s trying to legally prevent Russell from saying anything about her at all, anywhere, ever.

Hypocritical much?

To that end, Perry is seeking a gag order to stop Russell Brand from speaking about their failed marriage in public.

Yeah. I know.

The only saving grace is that when Mayer dumps Perry, and he will, you just know he’ll do a whole series of songs about his blue-haired crazy ex-girlfriend.

And then Katy will learn that Karma is a bigger bitch than she.