Ain't That America XLI

His ego inflates with talk of ballrooms and arches and god statues while his approval rates drop lower than his IQ. His minions circle the globe to say stupid things and he keeps taking dementia tests.

Oy, what a week …

This week the Gang of Six Racist and Stupid Supreme Court Justices dismantled the Voting Rights Act, actually saying that the racial gap in voter turnout has closed.

Which explains why many states in the South are now trying to redraw their Congressional maps to make everything all-white. As soon as the ruling came down Tennessee’s GOP-controlled legislature redrew the congressional district of Memphis, which has long enjoyed its own Democratic-leaning House seat and split it into three GOP-leaning districts.

If you don’t think this is a racist attempt to keep Black Americans from being represented in government, answer me this: would you choose to be Black in America today knowing what’s happening?

 

The British energy giant Shell reported robust profits following the surge in oil prices prompted by the Cankles war with Iran. Shell’s adjusted profits soared 24%, to $6.92 billion, in the first three months of the year from the same time last year.

Well, Big Oil and billionaires are certainly being paid handsomely by the war while the rest of America suffers. If only there was a way to stop this bull shiz …

 

Last October the Cankles Regime abruptly stopped paying third-parties for medical care provided to detainees in ICEstapo custody; third-party providers are used to provide “medically necessary” care including “dialysis, prenatal care, oncology, [and] chemotherapy” but no more of that for detainees; they can suffer and die, I guess.

 

Senate Republicans want to provide the Secret Service with $1 billion for “security adjustments and upgrades” related to the construction of Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Ballroom™.

Yes, it was supposed to be built and funded without taxpayer money and now the GOP wants YOU to pony up your share of a billion dollars for a ballroom no one other than the Pedophile In Chief wants.

 

The Department of Education opened an investigation into Smith College, an all-women’s institution in Massachusetts, for admitting transgender women.

The move is the latest by the Cankles Regime—whose rhetoric has frequently included attacks on trans people—to limit, and more likely end, transgender rights in America.

Ten years after celebrating his caucus victory at the Iowa State Fair, GOP Nutbag and Senator Rafael Cruz returned to Des Moines fueling chatter about a potential 2028 presidential bid. Cruz told the audience that the GOP is “winning historic victories” under Cankles’ second administration but failed to name one.

He also made no note of the fact that not only do Democrats despise him, so does the majority of the GOP so his little trip to Des Moines was a waste of time.

He should have gone to Cancun again.

 

Transportation Secretary and reality show “star” Sean Duffy blamed to collapse of Spirit airlines on both President Biden and former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg.

But Sean? Moron? How do you explain that you opposed bailing out Spirit Airlines saying there is no need for a federal bailout of any low-cost airline.

Sounds like another GOP liar.

 

The current US Senator from South Carolina, and former Miss Cotton Ball Queen 1924, Miss Lindsey Graham wants to arm the Iranian people to fight the Iranian government:

“I love the idea of empowering the Iranian people with weapons, a Second Amendment solution to make the Revolutionary Guard’s life hell. It’s one thing to be bombed by America. It’s another thing to have your neighbor shoot back at you because they’re tired of being slaughtered.”

Siddown, Sassy, and pour yourself another Mint Julep you ignorant fuck.

 

Health and Human Services Secretary, heroin addict and collector of raccoon penises Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is demanding hospitals stop serving sugary drinks and foods, including Jell-O.

Calley Means, one of Kennedy’s top lapdogs, is asking members of the public to report hospitals for their Jell-O usage because that’s so important … not the measles or the hantavirus.

It’s Jell-O.

 

Real estate magnate Steve Roth is standing strong with fellow billionaire Ken Griffin in his spat with New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani for suggesting billionaires should pay their fair share in taxes; Roth thinks the ultra-rich should be “praised and thanked” and also said this:

“I consider the phrase tax the rich … when spit out with anger and contempt by politicians both here and across the country, to be just as hateful as some disgusting racial slurs.”

Tax the rich is the new N-word, y’all.

 

This week Secretary of State Marco Rubio made the following statement about Iran:

“This is an international waterway; no country can control them. There is no international law that allows you to say, I’m going to put mines in an international body of water, and I’m going to blow up ships that don’t listen to us and try to go through. We cannot live in a world where a rogue state like this Iranian regime is allowed to claim, as a new normal, control over an international shipping lane.”

He’s right … but then since September last year, the US military has conducted 47 strikes on civilian marine vessels travelling in the Caribbean Sea and eastern Pacific Ocean, leading to over 190 deaths.

Maybe you should zip it, Little Marco.

A towering, gold-leaf statue of Cankles’ was unveiled with great fanfare at Cankles’ National Doral golf course, in a dedication ceremony that included a prayer from a MAGAt pastor even though Alan Cottrill, the artist behind the statue, called the whole thing a “clusterfuck”:

“I usually deal with people that have everything organized. From the start, this was chaos … and almost never, anytime whatsoever, does anyone miss a payment.”

That wasn’t the case with the 22-foot statue as demands to nix his vagina neck, AKA turkey neck, requests to make the model look, um, not so fat, and late payments soured Cottrill on the deal.

And when it went up his minions circled round and prayed while God was watched.

She was not amused at the false god idolatry.

 

Cankles once again went off script to brag once again to brag once again to brag about passing a test meant to detect cognitive decline linked to dementia:

“I’ve taken three. No president, think of this, has ever taken one.”

To be fair no other president has ever needed one, but then Cankles said the best thing ever, that he takes the test whenever someone calls him a moron.

Testing is a 24/7 gig at the Cankles White House.

PS The test he described―the Montreal Cognitive Assessment―is not an intelligence test but an exam to detect the signs of cognitive decline.

Why is he taking it so much? Asking for a country.

Violent crime in New York City remained at historically low levels through April, with the Bronx recording some of the steepest declines and department leaders said they are hoping to build on that progress ahead of the summer, when crime typically spikes as more people gather outdoors.

NYPD Commissioner Jessica Tisch said the crime declines are the result of a policing strategy focused on using data to remove illegal guns from the streets and dismantle violent gangs and criminal groups.

Huh. Removing guns, you say.

 

Americans are deeply uncomfortable with recent religion-related statements by Cankles and DUI Hire Pete Hegseth. In fact, 87% of Americans have a negative view of Cankles’ social media post appearing to depict himself as Jesus and 69% dislike Hegseth praying at the Pentagon for “overwhelming violence of action against those who deserve no mercy.”

When you allow rapists and drunks who cannot quote a favorite Bible verse or refer the Bible According to Pulp Fiction, you’ll have these issues.

 

Days after suspending Louisiana’s US House primaries, GOP Governor Jeff Landry is facing mounting backlash from residents in the form of a recall to remove him from office.

Good. His racist ass needs to be removed.

 

Madison Sheahan, a former top official with the ICEstapo, has lost the Republican primary in Ohio’s 9th district as what some see as a sign of how unpopular ICE has become amid an aggressive immigration crackdown in Cankles’ second term.

Good. Keep all these bigots and racists and criminals out of office.

And how do we do that …