It's Snarkurday!

Ah, Sex and the City ... a cable show that went on about a year too long that turned into a movie that lasted one film too many. Well, last week we learned that plans for that third SATC film were kaput because Kim ‘Samantha’ Cattrall was the only star of the series and film who realized that it was over ... and should have been before that 3-plus hour Dubai fiasco of a film.

But that’s where the kerfuffle starts because now some of the other girls—and I’m looking at you Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis—had wanted to make another film simply to pad their bank accounts and now they may have to look for other work; in SJP’s case, it may be a return to Broadway, in Kristin Davis’ case it make be a Starbucks.

One of the ALLEGED reasons why SATC 3 isn’t happening was that Kim was acting like a diva—asking Warner Bros. to finance other film projects for her—and “playing the victim.” Kim says she never shut down production with diva demands and clearly states she told them she never wanted to do another SATC. In fact, Kim says she repeatedly turned down producers almost a year ago, and never once implied she was interested and so she’s rightfully peeved that “sources” are trying to smear her:

“And now, now at this very moment it’s quite extraordinary to get any kind of negative press about something that I’ve been saying for almost a year of ‘no’ that I’m demanding or a diva. And this is really where I take to task the people from Sex and the City, and specifically Sarah Jessica Parker, in that I think she could have been nicer. I really think she could have been nicer.”

When pressed as to why SJP is being nice Kim says:

“I don’t know what her issue is, I never have.”

Kim says because she’s a 61-year-old woman she is no longer interested in playing the horny Samantha and she wishes an SATC3 would happen, just without her:

“It’s a great part. I played it past the finish line and then some and I loved it and another actress should play it, maybe they could make it an African American Samantha Jones or a Hispanic Samantha Jones? Or bring in another character. It can be another character. This is what I really believe that this franchise needs another point of view and this could be it.”

That certainly doesn’t sound like a pissed off diva, but more like someone who knows the films, the series, and the character have all outlived their sell-by date.

I mean, what would an SATC3 even look like ... a bunch of fifty-something women sipping ‘tinis in fabulous gowns discussing menopause and AARP?

That doesn’t sound fun at all.

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I guess all that metal in his head ...?

Fans of rapper Lil Wayne will be getting refunds after the recording “artist” refused to pass through a security check to enter the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, South Carolina, and skipped the concert.

When security workers sought to apply “the venue’s standard safety procedures” that apply to everyone, Lil Wayne refused to comply; and because the arena’s management says it wasn’t willing to make an exception for the, ahem, “star”, there was no show.

Looks like a lot of folks dodged a bullet over the weekend ... because they didn’t have to see Lil Wayne “perform.”

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Proving that no story, no matter how old, is never too tired to be a part of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes, the show recently featured the real tea on Kendall Jenner’s infamous I-Solved-Racism-In-America Pepsi ad.

You remember that Kendall was in an embarrassing Pepsi ad back last April that claimed the solution to Ferguson, Baltimore, and every other example of modern racial tension was sippin’ an ice cold Pepsi given to you by a :::ahem::: model.

Kendall kept her lips zipped about the ad—possibly because That Woman saw it as a Very Special Episode of KUWTK—and so it wasn’t until now we get the low down on Kendall’s real—Mama told me to say this—feelings as she sobbed into her confessional camera:

“I would never purposely hurt someone, ever. I would, obviously—if I knew this was gonna be the outcome, I would have never done something like this. But you don’t know when you’re in the moment, and like, it was the most … like, it was … like, it was so … like, I just felt so f**king stupid.”

Like, um, like, ah, shut up. I mean, it only takes a person with the capabilities of reading a script to know that if, in the middle of a race riot, a :::ahem:::: model offered a soda to the warring factions and they suddenly became besties it would be an offensive, er, stupid, ad.

But That Woman knew it would get one of her Demon Spawn more media attention, so go for it!

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In the wake of last week’s shooting in Las Vegas male-media-whore Piers Morgan, on the UK show Good Morning Britain, brought in an expert on shooting deaths to speak about it, and her name was, wait for it, it’s completely understandable, Mariah Carey.

Yes, that picture up there, with Mimi lounging in front of a Christmas tree in October looking like one of the Real Housewives of DoubleChinTown was a real thing. I mean, rather than have Scotland Yard, or MI5 ... or even Daniel James Bond Craig come on to talk about the horrors, they gave us Mimi who said:

“I pray for the victims and hope all these can stop as soon as possible. You know, I have spent a lot of time in Vegas and this type of thing anywhere happening anywhere is a huge tragedy.”

Nice, I guess, though why pray for victims; I mean, they’re dead at the hands of a lunatic. But it’s the idea of the gown, and the flipped hair and the Christmas tree in the background that seems to say: Does Mimi know where she is? And so people went off on Piers, who, like the little bitch that he is, clapped back:

“Mariah was booked to do an interview about her UK Christmas tour. Obviously news events in Vegas have now taken precedence.”

Sure, she may have been booked earlier, but the whole set-up, the visual of Mimi and Christmas balls, was all kinds of wrong; still, as he does, Piers went on:

“We told Mariah's people before the interview. Her reaction seemed very relevant given she's a performer who often has residence in Vegas.”

Yes, but it’s Mariah Carey who lives in a dream world where people carry her around like a stuffed ... and sometimes overstuffed ... doll, and who calls people lamb and darrrrrrling and is clearly out of touch with reality.

Next up on Piers Morgan, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Lily from Modern Family will discuss the North Korean nuclear threat ...

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Kristin Davis, whose career has consisted of Melrose Place and Sex and the City and little else, has announced that it’s “deeply frustrating” that SATC 3 is not happening because Kim Cattrall realized that no one wants to see another incarnation of the TV show brought to the screen and put the kibosh on the sequel ... threequel ... by refusing to be in it.

And so Kristen, who clearly needs the coins, is furious and played into that whole “Kim had a lot of demands” business that sunk the idea of a sequel to a really awful sequel to a film version of a series that went on too long.

But what exactly were Kim’s demands? Oh yeah, she demanded that she not be asked to be in it!

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Well, it looks like Blac Chyna and Rob Kardastrophe have finally settled their dramatic Made-For-TV custody battle over their daughter Kream Dream. Chyna had asked for $50,000 a month, and Rob countered with Sofa Cushion Change, and they finally settled on $20,000 a month.

Sources—That Woman—say Rob agreed to the 20K because he wanted a 50/50 custody split and a guarantee that Chyna would drop her domestic violence allegations against him, and since she grabbed the coins, he hopes it makes her look like a gold digger, not realizing it makes him look like a man who paid off a domestic violence victim to keep quiet.

But that’s neither here nor there ... my burning question is a simple one: where the fuck is failed sock maker Rob Kardastrophe getting 20K a month? I mean, unless That Woman is planning a rerelease of Kim’s Porn Tape for extra coins.

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Poor Justin Bieber has been trying desperately to rent a huge fancy mansion in Beverly Hills, but the surrounding neighbors aren’t having it.

A source says Justin has ALLEGEDLY offered $100,000 a month—far more than it’s worth—for a house in Beverly Hills and the neighbors are rioting—in Beverly Hills that means calling your attorney and publicist—because they claim Justin has a reputation for not taking care of the homes he rents.

As of now, though, Justin is actually a semi-permanent resident of Beverly Hills because he’s been living in a, not the, Beverly Hills hotel for almost a year.

He must really be a bad neighbor if no one in Beverly Hills wants him in their hood; I mean, actual hillbillies moved into Beverly Hills in the 60s and no one even flinched ... except for Mr. Drysdale.

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More SATC3 drama? Okay ... this time it isn’t Cattrall or Davis, or even SJP dissing anyone, it’s one Willie “Stanford Blatch” Garson chiming in; Willie playing SJP’s gay bestie in the film, and is ALLEGEDLY her BFF in real life, too and so he Tweeted:

“Dear fans, because I'm "toxic", I'm going to negotiate a contract for 6 months, not come to terms, then say I never wanted to do it anyway.”

He used the word toxic because that’s what Kim Cattrall called all the negative press about her and he Tweeted because SJP wants to keep her hands, and Twitter feed, clean of the drama so she can look pretty and perfect in nice shoes.

But here’s my deal, Willie; in the entire series and the 2 film versions, your onscreen time adds up to about 2% so why are you bothered?

Oh, SJP’s lap dog. Get over it, and maybe try to get Matt Bomer to do a film version of White Collar so you can get a job.

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