Saturday, May 21, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

If Ryan Murphy needs a storyline for season two of Feud — after season one’s epic Davis v Crawford howl-a-palooza — he need look no further than the feud brewing between Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber [ALW] and Nicole Sherzinger.

And I get first dibs on casting: Arianna Grande will play Sherzinger and Lloyd Webber will be portrayed by Grumpy Cat. Cat? Get it …

When ALW’s Cats revival opened in London in 2014 Sherzinger was cast as the glamour cat Grizabella and, at that time, ALW was over the moon about her performance, saying Nicole’s version of “Memory” was the greatest recording of his music ever … besting that of original Grizabella, Betty Buckley, that of Barbra Streisand, and that of the ex-missus ALW, Sarah Brightman.

It was then announced that Sherzinger would bring her Grizabella to Broadway but, quicker than you can say ‘Fire Patti LuPone and get me Glenn Close,’ Sherzinger was no longer part of the NYC reboot; a rep for the show said the casting for Grizabella would be announced later. But then ALW threw some kitty litter at Nicole: 
“A week before we were due to go into rehearsal for Cats on Broadway … she calls me and says she’s decided she wants to do X Factor, having agreed to everything. I mean, she’s crazy. But the American producers just took a view, ‘Well, fine, we’ll get somebody else’, because she’s actually not very well known in America, amazingly. … I’m furious because … I went out on a limb to get her … and it makes me look like an absolute twat … But never mind, there’ll be another girl on Broadway and Nicole will not get her Tony award.”
I was kinda hoping Sherzinger would sharpen her claws and dig into some pasty ALW flesh, but instead she said her contract to do Broadway was never finalized and they just couldn’t make it work and she hopes to work with Andrew again and  Blibetty Blah Blay Blue where’s my catfight!?!

I mean all I got out of this was ALW calling himself a twat and that is just not enough!

I’m no Beyoncé fan because Beyoncé is all about making coins no matter what. I mean, when the stories started about her husband being a massive cheater she stayed quiet until she found a way — Lemonade — to make some dollars off the story.

And now this … the British tabloid The Sun has revealed that the workers manufacturing Beyoncé’s new athletic line Ivy Park work up to 60 hours a week and earn $6.17 per day.

Uh huh; while Beyoncé pockets millions. The Sun reports that Ivy Park, Beyoncé’s collaboration with Top Shop is being produced in inhumane conditions at the MAS Holdings factory in Sri Lanka. And Beyoncé says the line was created to inspire and support women … as long as it’s just six bucks a day worth of support.

The brand — AKA Beyoncé — has responded to ALLEGATIONS saying:
“Ivy Park has a rigorous ethical trading program. We are proud of our sustained efforts in terms of factory inspections and audits, and our teams worldwide work very closely with our suppliers and their factories to ensure compliance.”
As for the low wages, the MAS factory — which also produces apparel for Speedo, Nike, Lululemon, and Patagonia — pays workers more than double the Sri Lankan minimum wage but at six bucks a day most of the women making Beyoncé’s fashion cannot afford to buy any.

But hey, Bey’s making coins so, yeah ….

So, Mariah Carey was the centerpiece of ­NBCUniversal’s upfronts last week about their new shows — like Mimi’s “reality” show Mariah’s World — and, true to form, the diva was, well, diva’d beyond belief.

After tripping on the curb in her platform shoes and sequined zebra-print mini dress and fishnets — I swear, hookers dress classier — Mimi was literally carried onstage on a chaise by two men.

In addition, she arrived with a huge entourage of hair people and makeup folks and fashion stylists and hoisters — that’s what you call the poor unfortunate souls who lift Mimi off the ground — and various hangers-on. And while she didn’t topple over after that first time, Mariah had her team of spacklers and airbrushers touch her up more than six times during a five minute interview.

After the interview, Mariah changed into a skintight sequined bathing suit and once again had two men, this time with their shirts off so one could see their muscles straining — carry her to the stage.

In a past concert rider, Mimi famously insisted that she “doesn’t do stairs.”

Then, before performing, Mimi, who usually sleeps until 3PM, wished everyone a good morning and said she was there to wake them up.

It was 12:45 PM.

I’m not sure what Cara Delevingne is known for … acting? Modeling? A Taylor Swift BFF? Or being a diva of Carey-esque proportions.

Recently Delevingne was detained by security after cussing out train staff. She was about to board a Eurostar train traveling from London to Paris for her sister’s birthday when a security officer pulled her bag for a random search.

Cara wasn’t feeling a search of her luggage — did she go all Reese ‘Do you know who I am?' Witherspoon? — and ALLEGEDLY flipped out on the security officer with a slew of verbal assaults of the four-letter kind. When another security officer came over to try to calm her down, she went after them too.

So, Cara took a time-out from her tantrum and pulled out her cellphone which is a train security no-no. When she was told to put it away, she screamed “F**k you” at the officer who continued searching her bags, presumably looking for Cara’s manners. And when she realized her freak-out was doing no one any good at all, Cara got down on her knees and put her hands together as if she was praying for the whole thing to be over.

Alas, it was not; the diva actress-model-hanger-on-b*tch was then taken into an interrogation room and detained for an hour, after which she was released, red-eyed from crying and suddenly all apologetic.

Oh, and she was also slapped … with a fine for verbal assault.

Seriously. She should’a gone all Reese on their asses, or at the very least summoned Swifty’s Posse to come to her aid.

Sharon Stone usually goes to Cannes every year to host — and by host I mean collect a check for doing a meet-and-greet — a party for luxury jeweler de Grisogono’s swanky party at the Hôtel du Cap-Eden-Roc.

But this year Sharon demanded a lot of perks to host, like a check for $300,000, eight separate rooms at the Hôtel du Cap-Eden-Roc for the week and a private jet to whisk her to and from Cannes.

Sadly, times aren’t what they used to be for Sharon and de Grisogono turned down her request and got another “celebrity” to host their event.

Kim Kardastrophe. And all she got for her troubles was a pair of earrings … that she got to wear but then had to return. Bam.

Over there at House of Cards, Robin Wright wasn’t exactly pleased that she was paid less to star in the show than Kevin Spacey even though their roles are as equally as important. So she demanded a huge raise … or else. And the powers that be buckled.

I was feeling all “Good for her,” until I learned that Spacey pockets $500,000 an episode while Wright gets $420,000 an episode.

Yeah, that’s not exactly a huge pay gap … Wright makes about $60,000 a day and if she worked all 24 hours in a day that comes out to $2,500 an hour so … still, if the producers cut some of the budget for Spacey’s rugs and hair glue, they could cough up extra coins for Robin.

So last week Chris Brown and his friends were Cara Delevingne ‘d, er, thrown off a private jet bound for Cannes after the pilot complained that the cabin reeked of weed.

According to a police report, the pilot warned the Brown Crowd not to smoke on the plane but apparently the pilot didn’t know this was Chris Brown who doesn’t follow rules set by anyone. So the Brown crowd went ahead and ALLEGEDLY stank up the joint and so the pilot, while stopped in Miami, called police who told everyone to get off the plane.

Chris Brown is saying the story is nothing but hot … pot … air and, right after arriving in Cannes, on a different plane, released a statement:
“Cannes, we are here. We’re gonna party up. Turn up tonight, I can’t wait. Seen something on TMZ talking about we got escorted off a plane? How the hell we in Cannes if we got escorted off a plane? One. Marijuana smoke on the plane? I think we kinda learned that lesson. I don’t think we really need drugs on the plane. But you probably should check with the pilot, because he definitely kept asking my homies for an 8-ball. And we definitely don’t sell drugs. So, Imma be rich, stay rich, and happy.”
Yeah, he doesn’t sound high at all; and he maintains they never got bounced from the plane despite a police report to the contrary.

Like I said … high. 


the dogs' mother said...

I could use two shirtless guys to carry the
laundry up and down the stairs :-)

Helen Lashbrook said...

You're right; what is the point of Cara Delvingne? And what kind of name is that?

Blobby said...

I love how Robin Wright said equal pay or she would go public......and got it....and still went public. I think any negotiating skills in her future have just been shot in the her.

anne marie in philly said...

I second TDM!

stoopid trash does stoopid things.

barry simon said...

As to Wright and Spacey's're right. They are outrageous and bloated and, if you believe in God, immoral. But then all stars, celebrities, television and sports figures are in the same category. For what they contribute to society, their salaries are just plain wrong. But the argument isn't about the rightness or wrongness of their salaries; it's about equal pay for equal work. And if this spat trickles down to the average worker and helps move us toward equal pay for equal work regardless of gender and the kind of work, then it has helped.