Saturday, May 07, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

Last week Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan won an Emmy for Best Entertainment Talk Show though neither one was present to accept. Personally, I think they should have won for Best Acting In An Entertainment Talk Show in light of what’s gone on at Live with Kelly and Michael this week.

See, a kerfuffle ensued when it was announced that Michael Strahan was leaving Live for GMA and no one … at Live … at GMA … at ABC … bothered to let Kelly in on the news until the story broke. So, Kelly didn’t come into work the next day, though the day after that she did show to declare her pride in Michael Strahan and his move up the ladder. But that’s when all the stories came out about this duo being not so friendly off-screen.

For four years, Kelly and Michael have acted like the best of buddies on-air, but off-air a source — and it’s most likely a jealous Kathie Lee — says the two are so nice-nice. Kelly didn’t like that Michael wasn’t as devoted to the show as she was — though maybe it’s because he took home $4 million a year while Kelly pocketed $20 million — and Kelly hated that Strahan was using Live as a stepping stone to GMA, and that he was a diva.

He would ALLEGEDLY show up late to tapings, and regularly bring his entourage with him, and twice a week he would have the crew stop everything so a stylist could come onset and give him a haircut. And, leading  up to last year’s Halloween episode, Strahan ALLEGEDLY was so difficult that “the producers brought in an audience for [a] pretaped segments so he would behave.” One time Strahan even screamed so loudly at producer Michael Gelman that other producers hid under a staircase.

Now, in light of the bad press, Strahan’s exit has been moved up from September to May, and maybe that’s for the best; if he’s such a diva, let him diva it up with George Stephanopoulos over at GMA. 

I’d say Kelly’s lucky to see him go because, again ALLEGEDLY, she has parlayed the brouhaha into a sizable new annual income. And a few million dollars more does wonders to soothe an ego.

You know, unless you really really really mean it, never call your business The Honest Company. Okay, Jessica Alba? See, it now seems, ALLEGEDLY, that Alba’s company is nothing but lies.

Back in September, The Honest Company was hit with a lawsuit ALLEGING that things labeled “non-toxic” were actually full of synthetic chemicals, and that Alba was being deceptive in using words like “natural.” Then in March, Honest was accused of putting a chemical in their laundry detergent that they swore they had never put in, and now they’re accused of passing non-organic baby formula off as organic.

The Organic Consumers Association [OCA] ALLEGES that 11 of the 40 ingredients listed on their organic infant formula are synthetic substances not allowed in products labeled as organic. In addition, the OCA also ALLEGES that some ingredients are federally regulated as “hazardous compounds,” that one ingredient is “irradiated” and has been assessed as not safe for human foods.

Hazardous? Radioactive? Honestly!

It’s a good thing Dean Sheremet — the man to whom LeAnn Rimes was married when she began schtupping the married-to-someone-else Eddie Cibrian — wrote that cook book about eating your feelings after your relationship blows up because Dean’s second marriage to Sarah Silver is over after just five years.

No word on who Dean has set his sights on next, though maybe it’s just me, but if he married a man next time it might feel a little more right. But, what if he married former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills pot-stirrer, and the ex-Missus Eddie Cibrian, Brandy Glanville?

Imagine all that drama! Imagine LeAnn’s head exploding all over Instagram? It might be worth it.

Kaley Cuoco moves fast. About a month after meeting tennis-player — because I don’t think he has a job — Ryan Sweeting, the duo were married. Then, less than a hot minute, or a hot few months, later, they divorced.

About three months after Kaley ended it with Ryan she hooked up with British actor Paul Blackthorne but that didn’t lead to marriage fast enough, ALLEGEDLY, so Kaley dumped him and started dating Karl Cook, who does something with horses — I dunno, I think he paints the ones on merry-go-rounds.

She’s been seeing Karl for at some six weeks so now she’s all over the Bridal magazines and the engagement ring designers, and, perhaps, keeping her divorce lawyer on speed dial?

I mean, who does she think she is? JLo?

I’ve never been a Madonna fan; I like some of her old stuff, and a very little bit of her new stuff, but Madonna, the human being gives me pause. Or maybe it’s gas. She’s always so try-hard, as evidenced by her ass-bearing outfit at last week’s Met Gala.

But it was also her face — butterface — because, ALLEGEDLY, it hardly moved when she spoke to reporters.  And her attitude.

Page Six says that Madonna and her team ordered the red carpet to be cleared of other celebrities while she jiggled her pale ass cheeks up the stairs. Now, maybe it was her people who said no one should or could stand near her, or maybe it was the others in attendance who steered clear of that ratchet face and that epic fail outfit.

And rumor has it that some celebrities — Katy Perry, Kim and Kanye Kardastrophe, and Naomi Campbell — were miffed by the delay. Luckily, Naomi held tight to her cell phone, lest she toss it and crack Madonna’s English Porcelain Skin, but, ALLEGEDLY, Katy Perry got impatient and yelled up at Madonna:
“Are we ready now? Can we go?”
I like Katy a little better today.

PS As many have said, Madonna is already calling anyone and everyone who hated her look and her frozen face ageist and sexist.

I am also no fan of 50 Cent, and even less so now. Of course, a man who takes private videos of people and posts them, online to embarrass them is already an ass, but when you toss in his penchant for filing bankruptcy to avoid paying off lawsuits, while taking pictures of himself with wads of dough, he becomes a huge asshat.

And now this … 50 Cent recently released a video of himself following Andrew Farrell, a 19-year-old janitor, through the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky Airport and making fun of how “high” the young man appeared to be.

That’s funny right, when grown-assed ignorant men make fun of people? But … the only problem is that Andrew wasn’t high; he’s autistic and has hearing issues.  Yeah, now it’s funny. And maybe a million dollars of funny, because Andrew’s family has threatened to sue the rapper for being a dick.

So, Fiddy’s people realizing he’s about a Happy Meal aware from welfare checks, had their jackass of a boss release an apology to Andrew:
“While the incident at the airport resulted from an unfortunate misunderstanding, I am truly sorry for offending the young man. It was certainly not my intent to insult him or the disability community, which is a source of great strength in America. I have apologized personally to him and his family.”
F**k off, Fiddy, you’re a disgrace.

Someone named Robert Earl Morgan has accused Little Justin Bieber of destroying his phone at a Houston nightclub last month and Robert earl wants a payday now.

According to the lawsuit, Justin was partying a little too stupid and a little too hard when he first put out a cigarette on his friend’s arm and then commandeered a beer bong and tried to chug it. Sadly, because Justin’s a tool, most of the beer ended up on his face and shirt, which was all captured on video because, yup, Robert Earl had his phone out and was recording the whole thing.

Now, Robert Earl ALLEGES that once Bieber saw that he was being filmed, he grabbed Robert Earl’s cellphone and smashed it … cuz ain’t nobody wanting to see Drunken Bieber.

And so now Robert Earl wants coins … a lot of coins. He says his phone was worth a couple hundred dollars, and claims he never got his SIM card back, which contained pictures from his grandma’s 100th birthday and 5000 pictures from traveling, and also had some business contacts on it and so he wants $100,000.

Seriously? 100K? I would’a sued for ten million and a promise that Justin Bieber never appear in public again.

Now that’s a lawsuit!

Chick fight! Chick fight!

And a stupid chick fight to boot.

Demi Lovato is like super pissed at Nicki Minaj because Nicki did not tag Demi in a photo of the two of them on Instagram taken at the Met Gala last week.

Seriously. It all, started when Nicki posted a picture of herself with Jeremy Scott and Demi at the Met Gala to Instagram. Nicki tagged Jeremy and she also tagged Moschino, the designer who created her gown and Demi’s tinfoil mess, but she … I find it hard to breathe. She.Did.Not.Tag.Demi.
It could’a been an accident; it could’a been shade; it could’a been that Nicki didn’t know it was Demi and just thought it was a cocktail server without her tray.

Whatever the reason, Demi is hurt and fired back because … children.

She first posted a picture of her face, distorted with some filter to make her look all confuzzled, but when that didn’t work and Nicki wouldn’t sit with her at lunch, Demi went further.

She took to Instagram and posted her own picture of Nicki, Jeremy, and herself at the Met Gala but this was a not so flattering picture of Nicki giving Demi the side-eye.

Or maybe she was just looking at that dress and wondering, WTF?

Which is how I reacted to Demi’s mess of a dress.


Blobby said...

I think you only "allegedly" like Katy Perry.

If Madge keeps getting work done - and you know she does - to stay younger looking, isn't SHE ageist?

viktor kerney said...

Who still likes Kelly Ripa?

mistress maddie said...

A Madonna and Naomi Campbell match up?!?!? If they took it outside, I can tell you who isn't coming back in. My money is on Naomi. She will lay Madonna out to dry. And at least she looks great, dresses chic and not like a plastic surgery mess.

Bob Slatten said...

You're right about Katy ... and Madge.

the dogs' mother said...

Making fun of an autistic person - can anyone get any lower than that?

Bob Slatten said...

I'd say, 'No.'
But Fiddy always surprises with his asshattery.

anne marie in philly said...

fiddy is a disgrace to our city. the rest of the garbage stinks to high heaven. and madge - we are SO over you; go crawl under a rock.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Don't you think that Madonna is terrified of getting (and looking) old? Plus she works in an industry that likes them young, which cannot help a female oldie; it's alright for ghastly old rockers like Mick Jagger.....the music industry has to be one of the most sexist industries to work in and it's not for the faint of heart....although from what you say Bob, a heart isn't in question as far as Madonna is concerned