Friday, November 07, 2014

PRAll-St★rs 4 Ep 2: Construction Junction

The designtestants wake up to find a note directing them to the Skylight at Moynihan Station; it looks like a warehouse, in shambles, but we’re told it’s a very popular, cutting edge Fashion Week venue. I’ll take their word for it.

But there are hunky construction workers, so, yeah, I’m intrigued.

Alyssa Milano, in a denim worksuit, presents the challenge; the one that viewers love and designers hate. Yes, it’s The Unconventional challenge!

And the designtestants can use anything they can scoop up in fifteen minutes — with no trip to Mood this week; they can grab tarps, tools, ropes, wires, nails, fencing … they can even strip the construction workers, though not completely naked; darn. And they must turn these construction items into a feminine fashion forward look.

I see nail guns taking aim, so let’s rip …
THE SAFES
BENJAMIN 
There was some concern that he and Justin, using the same materials, were creating the same dress, but Benjamin went short and cocktail; it’s nice, but it’s very short.

DMITRY 
There was some concern that he and Chris, using the same materials, were creating the same dress — especially after Dmitry scrapped his original design, but Dmitry went all-rope and all ass-cheeks.

FABIO 
He used twine to sort of knit his fabrics together; it’s cute and fun, and bright and safe.

GUNNAR 
He bashed Jay for his nail necklace but then he made a floor-length chain necklace and slid it over a tube top and pencil skirt. Someone should have told Gunnar this wasn’t Project Runway: Accessory, because that’s all he made.

HELEN 
It’s okay, but all I got from it was that it was something Betty Rubble would wear on a Very Special Flintstones.

SAMANTHA 
Boob lights and a pencil skirt; this was one scary looking hot mess.

SONJIA 
She scrapped her first look entirely and then went all Caution Tape on our asses. I actually liked this, but it would have been better, and flirtier, had it been shorter.
THE BOTTOMS

CHRIS Cords, cable ties, wire 
I like Chris but sometimes he doesn’t push himself hard enough. When it became clear to anyone who wasn’t Dmitry that Dmitry was stealing Chris’ idea, Chris seemed resigned to just finish, and not finish strong. Even Zanna Roberts Rassi worried that it would just be a rope dress, not a rope dress re-imagined.

WHAT HE SAID
I wish I had done more

WHAT I SAID
Me, too, Chris. The bottom is better than the top, but the bottom probably took a tenth the time to make.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Guest judge J Woww — I don’t know her real name, nor do I care to … the same with Snooki — said it looked like something she would wear at 3AM in a club; meaning, regular clothes. Snooki kept trying to see nipple, even after Chris explained that the top was lined. I kept wondering why she was wearing that hat, and that fake tan and that awful lip shade. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ didn’t like that the materials weren’t reinvented, while Isaac Mizrahi hated the top but loved something about the skirt.  Our other guest judge, designer Elie Tahari found Chris’s design creative.

WHAT HAPPENED
I was surprised, happily so, that Chris is safe. But he needs to really bring his creative edge — which we all know he has — if he wants to stay longer.


MICHELLE Construction worker vests, paint
Zanna calls her look a bit too spor-ty, and Michelle mimics that accent, reminding us that she designs spor-ty. So she continues creating her own textile, and chevron pattern, out of vests and paint.

WHAT SHE SAID
I think she’s absolutely adorable.

WHAT I SAID
I think it’s adorable, too. I liked it when I saw it at Belk last week. Been there, Michelle.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
 Snooki said it looked like duct tape, and she loves duct tape; she also called it creative and feminine. Elie Tahari was impressed by the color story Michelle created, while Alyssa agreed about the handmade textile, but thought the silhouette was wrong. Isaac said he expects more from Michelle — a PR winner — because this looked too department store. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ agreed, saying Michelle needs to up her game. J Woww was not wowwed; sorry about that.

WHAT HAPPENED
Michelle is saved by creating her own textile; barley.


ALEXANDRIA Tarp, paint, plastic fencing 
We get Alexandria saying she wants to wins this because she should have won her season … cue ominous drumming. We get Alexandria behaving like a maniac during the construction grab—“Hey! You’re stealing my sh*t!” … cue ominous drumming. We get Alexandria, after being told by Zanna that her look was Goth and witchy, saying just because it’s black doesn’t make it Goth … cue ominous drumming.  

WHAT SHE SAID
It does look like fabric; it doesn’t look like a tarp.

WHAT I SAID
I kept thinking about a line from Sting’s King of Pain … ‘a butterfly trapped in a spider’s web.’

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls it an 80s style cliché that becomes a caricature of itself, and felt that the black tarp dress was unflattering. Isaac said the back tarp fabric was “upsetting” and added that he couldn’t find anything to like about it. Snooki said it reminded her of a spider, while Elie called it smart, feminine and original. I nearly called an eye doctor for Elie. J Woww also liked it, but then she sits like a longshoreman doing drag in a shirt dress, so, yeah, there’s that.

WHAT HAPPENED Alexandria goes home, and then reminds us all that she doesn’t do construction work, that she only makes beautiful things blah blah blah go home already.
THE TOPS

KATE Drawer liner, lightbulb cages, tile backing 
At the start, Kate brags about having “around the unconventional block or two” so we know she’s not going to win. And so, she does what she does: a white dress that seems like a wedding dress. In fact, it’s so unoriginal, it’s almost the same dress she was going to present last week until Zanna talked her out of the full skirt idea; she really is a one-trick monkey, as Dmitry has said. Zanna wants to throttle her because she’s seen it before and she wants Kate to step out of her wheelhouse … and into oncoming traffic, I assume.

WHAT SHE SAID
It feels perfect, the whole picture.

WHAT I SAID
Another white girl dress from Kate. Who :::yawn::: knew?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Isaac loved the way Kate used the tile backing to create the see-though aspects, and called it fabulous and expensive. Elie Tahari liked it, but wished it was longer, because it seemed too Little Girl Wedding to him. Alyssa called it arts-and-crafts, and lingerie and Frederick’s of Hollywood … catalogue. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™, on the other hand, called it sweet and pretty, and loved how Kate made that from construction materials. J Woww called it fun and dainty, and, well, since she looks like Broderick Crawford in drag, that’s a high compliment ... J Woww was probably high. Snooki is getting married and so she liked it and would wear it, if it was leopard print and shiny and had strobe lights on it.

WHAT HAPPENED She’s safe. Next week, she’ll push herself and make a white girly dress with interesting breast cups.


JAY Tarp, nails He wanted to create a feathery look by cutting the tarp and fraying the edges, but when that didn’t work he realized that he could rip the tarp and it would fray itself; a great idea, until he noise began to annoy everyone in the workroom. But, he’s so adorable, I would have just sat back and watched him.
Zanna, when she stopped by, loved his use of the nails as a kind of cummerbund, but said it needed to be offset by something feminine.

WHAT HE SAID
I think the whole look is really strong.

WHAT I SAID
I liked it, though maybe with one less nail necklace; plus, the design was good, the frayed tarp was good, but the rest of the tarp looked like old pool-liner.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Still, Alyssa said Jay used the tarp best of all designers, and loved the necklace because, as Isaac said, it’s dangerous. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the lightness of the dress with the heaviness of the nails, and said the way the tarp was used it looked like lacquered tweed and the color. Isaac loved the sleeves, calling them fresh, but loathed the nails, Snooki called it a fabulous garbage bag dress, and coming from a  woman who’s probably worn a garbage bag as a dress, this is high praise … Snooki was probably high.

WHAT HAPPENED
Jay misses the win, but gets my vote as Most Adorable Designer. It’s not much, but it’s an award none-the-less.


JUSTIN Zip ties, white fencing 
Justin really thinks about his designs, sometimes too much, but not this time. He seemed to have a clear vision of what he wanted and set about creating it. The only worry Zanna had was that his use of garbage bags as a liner might look cheap.

WHAT HE SAID
It looks beautiful on her … the zip-ties glitter

WHAT I SAID
It’s a fairytale; just gorgeous.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Elie Tahari called it amazing and elegant and loved the ombré effect, while Isaac called it birdlike and perfection, though he didn’t like the “boob fat” created by the tight bustier. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it futuristic feathers and loved the proportions, while Alyssa said Justin was a very smart designer making a gorgeous dress. Isaac scored later, saying he could see Jennifer Lawrence wearing it, and falling down in it; that girl falls a lot.

WHAT HAPPENED Justin gets his first challenge win ever! And it’s well-deserved.
MY TAKE

Snooki and J Woww? Really? I mean, had this been the Walk of Shame Challenge, or the Fourteen and Pregnant Challenge, or the White Trash Challenge, well, maybe, but neither of these losers knows fashion from trashion. Don't do that again PR producers.

I didn’t like the way Dmitry sniffed that he might have copied Chris but his look was better; get your own ideas, m’kay?

I did love how all the designers “Ooh”ed as Justin’s look came onto the runway, and I may have teared up when, backstage, they all crossed their fingers with him hoping he’d get his first win. Sweet,

I found it funny that Alexandria was such a mad bitch about her “stuff” in the warehouse and then acted like she didn’t care that she was eliminated: "I can't be defined by tarp and plastic mesh." But’cha’are, Alexandria, but’cha’are — think Bette Davis in Baby Jane when you say that.

The best line of the night? When Jay was ripping his tarp, and Gunnar said, in that Kim Kardastrophe voice of his, “Jay is, like, shredding this tarp, making probably the most obnoxious sound I’ve ever heard.” Obviously, he’s never heard his own voice.

Next week? A Wicked good challenge.

What did YOU think?



2 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

Sooooo glad Justin won!
Was worried for Chris there for a while.
Alexandria - this is PR - there will always be an unconventional challenge. Man up, woman!
I agree one less nail necklace on Jay's and maybe smaller nails?

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

Another spot-on recap! Good riddance Alexandria. I didn't care for her in "her season" and I'm glad I don't have to listen to her whine through this one. I thought Justin's win was completely deserved.