I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Ariana Grande Latte is still, ALLEGEDLY, acting like a spoiled child diva, y’all. Now, to be fair, she’s been trying to work on that, but … cue music …  ♫ ♪ when you’re a brat you’re a brat all the way from your first living breath to your last dying day ♪ ♫ ... shoutout to Sondheim.

But, to hear Ariana tell it, she’s just a nice girl from Boca and everyone else is just lying about her except … well, while she recently took to Twitter to insist that her diva reputation isn’t accurate, the story broke that, while at the BBC Radio 1’s Teen Awards last month, Ariana demanded that an assistant feed her water when she was thirsty, rather than simply carry a bottle herself.

A witness — and it was probably Mariah trying to sneak in a few voice lessons — says, “She had an assistant follow her around with a bottle of water and a straw and as soon as she was feeling a bit parched, she was scream ‘WATER!’ and the girl would scurry over.”

But then baby got angry because the water was too warm, and so after screaming for it, she spit it out.

As I’ve said before, she’s been called Mariah Junior, but she’s trying to outdo the diva, dahlings.

So, we talked a while ago about Halle Berry wanting to lower her child support payments from $16,000 a month to $3,800 a month to Baby Daddy # 1, Gabriel Aubrey because she says he’s living off her money and refuses to work. Halle argued that $3,800 is enough to take care of their daughter Nahla’s expenses and Gabriel can get a job himself to help pay some of the expenses.

Now, Gabriel’s lawyer has a response and, well, it’s a smack at Halle and her husband, AKA Baby Daddy # 2, Olivier Martinez. You may remember that about 2 years ago, Halle, Olivier and Gabriel got into a spat at Halle’s house and Olivier punched Gabriel in the face. And now, Gabriel says, his modeling career has been ruined by the fisticuffs.

But, Gabriel looks as good now as he did then so …. Halle’s lawyer snapped back, posting a list of expenses that Gabriel uses Nahla’s child support to pay for, and arguing that Gabriel should be paying these bills himself:

$740 a month for Gabriel’s “Fitness” — because he needs to stay in shape if Fists Of Fury Martinez should strike again.

$940 a month in clothing — he lists Nahla’s clothing expenses separately — $675 a month

$700 a month for Gabriel’s health insurance — again, if Olivier punches him one more time, he’ll need to see a doctor

$1,975 a month in car expenses — he lives in California, so that’s probably just gas

$1,100 a month in furniture and electronics — for the love of the Baby Jeebus? Is he renting furniture from Rent-A-Center?

Now that I see that, I hope the judge smacks Halle and raises the child support to $32,000 a month so Gabriel can get out from under that RAC contract!

So, two months ago, Lindsay Lohan and her younger brother Michael Jr. were slapped with a cease-and-desist letter by their former business partner Fima Potik who discovered, after parting ways with The Lohans, that those thieving siblings had taken his concept for a virtual shopping app called Spotted Friend and launched their own virtual shopping app called Vigme.

Well, the Lohans being Lohans, they thought a cease-and-desist was a compliment so Michael kept the site up and running so now they’re being sued … for $60,000,000.

Sixty million? Lindsay doesn’t have sixty cents to rub together, so Potik filed a lawsuit claiming Lindsay and Junior stole his idea, along with some big name investors like Arianna Huffington, and started a competing business. He also claims they had access to the Spotted Friend software and a beta version of the app and now he wants $60,000,000.

Well is Lindsay gonna get sixty million? Her Speed-the-Plow ticket prices have plummeted to roughly $25 bucks a seat so she’d have to … wait … carry the one … sell 2,400,000 tickets just to pay him off.

But who’s gonna buy the vodka and the white stuff if she’s paying off that bill?

Calling Oprah! Maybe she will do that second craptastic season of Lindsay!

It seems that police officers in California are getting a little sick of Selena Gomez, and not just because she schtups, breaks up with, schtups, breaks up with, and then schtups Little Justin Bieber.

No, apparently Selena has called police three times claiming that someone was in her house and police have promptly responded to discover that no one, no one, was in Selena’s home, or trying to break into Selena’s home, or anywhere near Selena’s home.

In fact, police have apparently told her to lock the mother-effing door instead of calling police every time she comes home to an unlocked house and thinks someone is inside.

Perhaps she should put Justin on a choke chain with a cartoon of eggs outside her home?

Oh Chris Brown, every time I think you can’t score lower on the Douche-o-meter, you prove me wrong.

It seems Little Chrissy got all kinds of pissy when The Real co-host Adrienne Bailonb talked some smack about his on-again-off-again girlfriend Karrueche Tran. Bailon opined that someone like Karrueche stays with someone like Chris — a twit with anger issues and assault charges — because she loves the Brown Fame Train.

Well, Chrissy didn’t like that and because he’s a douche he took aim at Bailon on social media, the new OK Corral. He posted a picture of Bailon to Instagram — which he later deleted, naturally — calling her a “trout mouth ass bitch” and accusing her of opening her legs to married men while she was opening her legs to Rob Kardashian for fame; oddly, though, that’s the same thing she implied about Tran, eh?

Then, inexplicably, he also went after Bailon’s The Real co-host Tamar Braxton, calling her “Muppet face ass” and “the ugly [Braxton] sister.”

But, even after his rant, and even after deleting the pictures, he wasn’t done shooting off his illiterate mouth. He posted a video of himself to Instagram ranting about folks being entitled to their opinions and that “what you drink don’t make me piss.”

Maybe the title of an upcoming single because that makes no sense. And, of course, the “lady” in question, Karrueche Tran weighed in with her own Instagram rant: “Unlike most of you… I could care less about the opinions of others. Drama doesn’t amuse me – so yes @tamarbraxton I do have a voice, just not like yours. However my bf I can’t speak for. We all know he has no chill.”

Yeah, the angry little boy who beats up girls has no chill.

Howsabout some Mariah?

A photographer has filed a lawsuit against Mimi’s record label claiming that Mimi owes him several thousand dollars after she bailed on a photo shoot for her album cover. The photographer is suing for $150,000, which includes his fee, plus the following expenses:

$65,391 for a stylist to squeeze Mimi into a size 6.

$9,600 for a hair stylist to add yards of human hair to Mimi’s scalp

$7,200 for a makeup artist—meaning a spackler and a plasterer.

$2,400 for a manicurist to de-sharpen Mimi’s talon’s after cutting Nick Cannon from her life

In response to the lawsuit, Mimi’s record label claims they never fully agreed on the terms of the contract, and they’ve pretty much told him to piss off.

That’s $85,000 Mimi spends on people paid to make her look like a natural beauty.

Just sayin’.