Saturday, November 15, 2014

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Andy Dick has done it again!

It seems that last week Andy was riding his bike around Hollywood when he saw a guy wearing a chain he liked. So Andy rides over, pops the kickstand down, and asked if he could see it.

The guy recognized Andy — though he apparently forgot that Andy Dick is kinda insane — and so he handed over the $1000 necklace. That’s when Andy grabbed it and rode off.

The guy then went to police to report that Andy Dick had stolen his necklace but the police couldn’t find Andy anywhere; apparently they didn’t check bars or the men’s room at the neighborhood park.

So the police went to Andy’s house and found him home, and arrested him for theft; he was released the next morning when someone posted his $25,000 bail.

Across the pond, over there to London, Lindsay Lohan is laughing hysterically and telling friends the way to steal a necklace is to try it on in the store and just walk out with it.
Last we heard from Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul was getting the boot from a burger joint for bringing her take-out food into the dining room. Seriously.

Now, Aretha has a new album — Aretha Franklin Sings the Great Diva Classics — to promote and is all over the place talking about it. She spoke to the Wall Street Journal about some of today's, ahem, music stars:

Nicki Minaj: “Hmmm. I’m going to pass on that one.” 

Alicia Keys: “Young performer, good writer, producer.”

Taylor Swift: “Great gowns, beautiful gowns.” 

Whitney Houston: "Whitney was a talent. Definitely a talent. She had a gift. And Cissy’s baby.”

I think a better album would have been Aretha just talking and dissing today’s so-called superstars because I could have done without her butchering Adele’s Rolling in the Deep.

Just sayin’.
So, Britney Spears has a new beau, and one that was handpicked by Daddy Spears no less. Probably a good thing because BritBrit, left to her own, picks guys like KFed and Sam Lutfi and that last guy that cheated on her with a stripper.

Plus, on her own, Brit then ends up all shaved-head and umbrella-wielding.

Not a good look on anyone.
You always hear talk about how the music industry is in trouble, what with internet downloads and all those free music sites. So how does a music superstar like, say, Usher, release new music?

In a box of cereal. No.Lie.

Usher has released his newest song — Clueless … an apt title — exclusively in boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios sold only at Wal-Mart.

The song will be the, ahem, “prize” at the bottom of select boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios packages purchased at Wal-Mart stores across the country.

I’d rather have the red plastic car whose wheels come off after ten minutes, but that’s just me.
So, Justin Bieber … haven’t heard from the Little Imp in a while so let’s check in, m’kay?

Remember how he egged his neighbor’s house and was told to pay to have it cleaned and do community service? Well, he’s forked over some $80,000 and completed six of his required 12 anger management classes.

All that’s left is community service, and Bieber will satisfy that requirement by working for MusiCares for 5-days doing things like painting walls and moving office furniture.

Thankfully MusiCares has requested that Bieber not teach music to anyone because that would be the real crime, eh?
So, everyone knows Katy Perry and Taylor Swift are feuding over ex-boyfriends and backup dancers because, well, high school. But now it appears that Katy’s new boyfriend — someone named Diplo and who is kind of hot — has jumped into the fray by attacking Swifty’s ass.

It all began when he Tweeted:  “Someone should make a kickstarter to get taylor swift a booty.”

And when his followers began to reTweet his Tweet and Tweet to his Tweet well, Diplo Tweeted all over the internet by reTweeting Tweeter’s Tweets … or something:

“@diplo I started a petition on http://whitehouse.gov to include it on the federal budget”

“@sierrafairytale @diplo Help Me In Supporting ‘Get Taylor Swift A Booty’ on #fundly”

But then someone began MeanTweeting Diplo: “@diplo someone should make you a kickstarter bc no one knows who the f–k you are”

And he Tweeted: “body shaming myself right now…are taylor swift fans called the swift boat veterans?”

Seriously? Is this what the music industry and so-called adults have become?

Now, I don’t like Taylor Swift and I don’t know if she has a flat ass because I too freaked out by her Blow-Up Doll face, but this Diplo—and I still think he’s hot—needs to let the girls bicker and fight.

He needs to take a seat … away from Twitter ... though he's kinda hot, for a douchebag.



6 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

these people are exhausting!

anne marie in philly said...

oy vey! these people need to grow up and stop acting like asshats!

Blobby said...

forget 'Rollin' in the Deep'. Take a listen to 'Nothing Compares 2 U'. The words are what Prince wrote, but not a note remains the same. It. Is. Horrid.

mistress maddie said...

Hmmmmmmm yeah. I think maybe Aretha best just stay in the burger joint and have a few more..........

Professor Chaos said...

Aretha Franklin can do no wrong! She could sing the Yellow Pages and it would be beautiful!

viktor kerney said...

Aretha said what I said on Nicki