I’m’a ask y’all sit down right now because I gotta tell you something that might cause a panic in your hearts and minds.
Everyone settled? Okay … I don’t watch FoxNews.
Wow. That was hard to say, er, type, because I know some folks live and die by their FoxNews — I’m lookin’ at you Mama Grizzly Bore™.
But every once in a while I hear about FoxNews because one of their “commentators” — who are basically Bobble-headed Barbies, former politicians who couldn’t get themselves reelected to anything, and big men bullies — really goes off the rails and then tries, and naturally fails, to rein it back in.
See what I did there? This is a post about Christmas and I said rein, like in reindeer, like in Santa —
Okay I’ll stop.
But this whole mess all began with this, from FoxNews Bobble-head Barbie, Megyn Kelly, who said:
"By the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa is white but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa. Santa is what he is and just so you know, we are debating this because someone wrote about it, kids. Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change. Jesus was a white man, too. He was a historical figure. That's a verifiable fact -- as is Santa. I just want the kids watching to know that."
So, this Santa Claus, who sneaks through our houses unseen once a year to drop off bushels of goodies, is white. Megyn Kelly must be the only person who’s ever seen him before. But then she tosses Jesus into the mix and says it’s an historical fact that Jesus is also white—perhaps because artists, notably white artists, have always depicted him as such.
But here’s the rub, Megyn, you dimwitted talking head.
Jesus is from the Middle East, and as far as anyone can tell, white people are not from their historically. Most Middle Easterners are brown, and they have been brown, until people began migrating in and out of every region and different races and ethnicities began having children together. So, Jesus would actually be brown.
But then Don Lemon got into the mix, after laughing about Megyn Kelly’s asshatitude, took her on and schooled her without the humor.
And now, naturally, after so many people have schooled Megyn Kelly and FoxNews on their dual idiocy and not-so-blatant racism about Santa and Jesus, Kelly had decided to backtrack.
She now says she “was only joking” and could not believe the uproar it causes, but even Megyn Kelly knows, or must know, because I assume she’s had even the most cursory of educations, that when you say stupid, asshatted things, people listen.
Megyn Kelly. For you, Santa is white. Good. For black kids, he’s black; Hispanic kids have a Hispanic Santa.
But let’s get back to Jesus and make this simple for even Megyn Kelly to understand; he was a Middle Eastern man. And brown. All Megyn Kelly was trying to do was rile up the Christians, and add fuel to the fire of the FoxNews Annual War On Christmas spiel, but what she ended up doing was making was coming off as stupid and racist and illogical and wrong and dumb.
Like the whole news channel.