I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

It looks like Tom Cruise has finally found Wife 4.0, AKA the Future Ex Missus Cruise.

The big rumor in the spring was that Tom was being pursued by Sports Illustrated model Jessica White but nothing ever came of that; maybe because she, like the last two Missus Cruise’s, is taller than Tiny Tom and he was done having to look up to his wives as they ditched him. So, now comes word that he’s dating actress, and, of course, fellow Scientologist, Laura Prepon.

Tom is rumored to have asked out the former That 70s Show and current Orange Is The New Black star because he’s um, long been ”fascinated” by her. Translation: she’s been thoroughly vetted by CoS. Plus, she’s rumored to be good friends with John “Groper” Travolta and his beard wife Kelly Preston, so Tom can shore up John’s flagging image as a heterosexual while he helps make himself look like a man who can stayed married for more than a decade at a time.

Just sayin’.

Last year Justin Timberlake was bringing sexy back, and this year Kanye West is bringing crazy back.

His latest target? Louis Vuitton. In a radio interview he commanded that people boycott KV, saying, “Everybody in New York City right now, don’t buy any Louis Vuitton until after January.” 

Apparently Kanye his big boy pants in a twist because Yves Carcelle, the head of LV, refused to meet with Kanye when he was in Paris.

Seriously? Sit.Down.

Wanna hear something highlarious?

After Kim Kardastrophe appeared in her Crazy Baby Daddy’s video “Bound 2” her mamma, and famewhore, Kris Jenner exploded.

Too bad it wasn’t a literal; explosion, but I digress.

Kris Jenner went “ballistic” when she first saw her Kash Kow topless in Kanye’s newest “video” while simulating … excuse me while I gag … sex. She says the video is destroying Kim’s … excuse me while I howl with laughter … credibility.

Funny, though, Kris didn’t think a sex tape that Kim made with Ray J, that Kris then hustled around to various porn sites for sale, would hurt Kim’s credibility.

Pot.Kettle.Kris.

Meanwhile, at the Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller mess …

When last we left them, Brooke has sort-of regained custody of her four year-old boys with Charlie, after her brother stepped up as guardian, and after Denise Richards told the Department of Child and Family Services that she could no longer care for the twins, who had become unmanageable.

Charlie declared war on Brooke and DCFS, without offering another solution for Max and Bob beyond going back to stay with their mom. So it’s sad, and there are little options left for two vulnerable boys. And last week Brooke called the police with allegations that Denise Richards had abused the boys and Denise’s own daughters though Denise hadn’t seen Brooke’s boys for weeks.

Sounds like Brooke is back on the pipe. So what should Charlie do?

He’s going to sell her house out from under her.

Again, heterosexuals always make the best parents so keep The Gays from having children.

We haven’t seen or heard much from Lindsay Lohan lately, which is probably good for her, but no fun for me because I love Lohan Dish.

So, here’s some …

Since she can’t find a job — and I don’t count Oprah’s reality show docu-series a real job — Lindsay’s doing what she does second best; she’s suing folks.

Lohan is suing  ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ claiming video game makers have high-jacked her image without her permission and she is demanding Rockstar Games pay her big bucks for that.

BTW ... this is the image that Lohan says is her …..

Seriously? Lindsay is the new Kanye. Kray-Zay!

And since we started with Tom Cruise let's end with Tom Cruise.

That's a picture of Tom at the premiere of his good buddy Ben Stiller's new film, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

What's the big deal you say?

Google both men and you'll discover that they are both five-feet-seven-inches tall and yet Tiny Tom appears much taller than Stiller.

Those are some hard working lifts in the Little Man Shoes.