I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Oh dear, poor Oprah. She shelled out $2 million for new improved Lindsay Lohan and she got same-old Lohan instead.

She’s back in New York after her hard partying week in Miami where she ordered … ALLEGEDLY … a hit on Barron Hilton because he talked smack about her, but the stories keep coming about her cracky behavior in Florida.

“Lindsay was a mess at every event at Art Basel,” a source who was with the post-rehab star at multiple events said about her behavior — and was perhaps either Dina Lohan or Lindsay’s hit man who beat up Barron. “She was so careful never to be caught with a drink in her hand and no one saw her do any drugs.”

But her wack-a-doo antics were still evident. Lindsay would be at a party in a VIP section with fellow media whores and lunatics Kim Kardastrophe and Kanye West and she would start freaking out that people were taking pictures of her, so she would demand that security remove people from the club. I guess she didn’t realize that the cameras, if there were any cameras, were probably pointed at Big Ass and Bigger Ego and not some washed up former child star.

And then there was her “romance” with Morgan O’Conner, nearly ten years younger, and her obsession with the fact that he had a former girlfriend who lived in Miami.

Lindsay ALLEGEDLY threw a child star tantrum every time she saw the other girl, and between that and ordering Morgan to punch Barron, here new toy decided to get away from the crazy.

“Morgan wants nothing to do with her at all. He is telling people that he is nervous and freaking out that his career is going to be affected by all her crazy evilness. She’s obsessed with him. He is telling his friends is NOT her boyfriend and doesn’t want to be with her.”

I’m sensing a live version of Fatal Attraction and a boiled rabbit in Morgan’s future.

Well it was bound to happen; Charlie Sheen hates Denise Richards again.

Even after she took in his two sons with one of his many ex-wives Brooke Mueller while she was undergoing her, no lie, 27th attempt at crack detox and rehab.

See, Charlie couldn’t be bothered to care for his own sons, so Denise, who is no relation to the two boys, let them live with her, and for that she’s back on Charlie’s Wrath List. He says that Denise is keeping him from his two daughters that he fathered with her, and for that he will be cutting off her child support payments which are currently some $55,000 a month.

Sidenote: would that I could carry a baby for Charlie Sheen and cash that check every month.

Sidenote: Ew. What was I thinking?

It all began … ALLEGEDLY …. When Denise decided that Charlie wasn’t welcome on a family vacation with her and the girls for Christmas; at least that’s what Charlie says, though Denise says he was always, and is still is, invited.

But maybe Denise wasn’t keen on the idea of Charlie bringing his latest girlfriend-hooker-porn-star-dealer with him and that’s what started the ruckus. So, Charlie has taken to Twitter to express his rage, by posting pictures of a cutup wedding favor from his marriage to demise, along with a knife and a lovely poem:

more like a feeble “K”. the lie is over. i’m done being treated like a relative with a one-way ticket. c #DuhNeese

I think Charlie should be able to go on vacation … with Brooke, to another rehab-slash-mental institution.

Wow, this came from outta nowhere.

Colin Farrell has finally explained his relationship with Elizabeth Taylor who, before her death, said that Colin was a friend. In fact, after she passed, Colin was invited to be part of her memorial service and read a poem she loved.

Well, it turns out they might have been more than friends and it all started when Colin bumped into Taylor n a hospital.

“It was kind of like the last, it feels like in my head, not her, I’m projecting, but the last kind of romantic relationship I had, which was never consummated. My youngest son was being born. We were in Cedars and I bumped into … Elizabeth’s manager and her close friend Tim Mendelsohn and they said what are you doing here?”

The men told Colin that Taylor was in the hospital having a stent put in her heart and asked him to say Hello. He declined because he didn’t think she’d know who he was, but a few days later he sent her flowers via his publicist who said she was holding flowers for him from Taylor.

He went to see her a few weeks later and the two began hanging out. And though they became fast friends, and though the relationship was never consummated, Colin admitted he would have loved being her eighth husband.

This wasn’t Colin’s first tryst with a much older woman, though; seventy-year-old Eileen Atkins confessed back in 2005 that Colin had asked her for no-strings attached-sexual affair when they co-starred in Ask The Dust.

Lucky bitch.

Shia LaBeouf, French for LaDouche, apparently wrote and directed a short film called Howard Cantour that premiered at Cannes in 2012 and then disappeared. It suddenly reappeared recently on Vimeo but, um, yeah, people began to voice suspicions that it wasn’t really a Shia production. In fact, some said Shia’s short film blatantly ripped off lines of dialogue and visuals from Justin M. Damiano, a 2007 comic written and drawn by famous graphic novelist Daniel Clowes. 

Now, Shia didn’t mention Clowes’ name anywhere in the credits, or anywhere in the publicity packet regarding the film, and Clowes said he’d never met LaBeouf and was surprised that he would blatantly steal another man’s work as his own, but, in an interview, Shia’s girlfriend, Karolyn Pho, said LaDouche was a huge Clowes fan, and that's when the plagiarism hit the fan.

And Shia Tweeted an apology. An apology he copied word for word from a four-year-old named Lili that he found on Yahoo, apparently while searching for the answer to the question, How to apologize for plagiarism.’

“Copying isn’t particularly creative work. Being inspired by someone else’s idea to produce something new and different IS creative work. In my excitement and naiveté as an amateur filmmaker, I got lost in the creative process and neglected to follow proper accreditation. Im embarrassed that I failed to credit @danielclowes for his original graphic novella, Justin M. Damiano, which served as my inspiration. I was truly moved by his piece of work & I knew that it would make a poignant & relevant short. I apologize to all who assumed I wrote it. I deeply regret the manner in which these events have unfolded and want @danielclowes to know that I have a great respect for his work.”

This is how Little Lili answered the question “Why did Picasso say ‘good artists copy but great artists steal’?”

“Merely copying isn’t particularly creative work, though it’s useful as training and practice. Being inspired by someone else’s idea to produce something new and different IS creative work, and it may even revolutionize the “stolen” concept."

So he plagiarized an apology for plagiarizing a story?

Shia. Maybe LaBeouf is French for ‘dumb as a slab of beef’ because Shia has a history of doing this; he even plagiarized his email apology to Alec Baldwin last year after abruptly quitting as play they were doing.