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… that when I create a To Do List, it lists things like
burst someone’s bubble, or stir the pot, or toot my own horn … add my two cents
… skate on thin ice … add fuel to the fire. … that while I was at the
bakery I heard a little boy behind me cry to his mother, “Mom, there are only
four donuts left!” and when the counterperson asked what I wanted I said, “Four
donuts please.” … that while I am awful at
sit ups and lousy at push ups my fuck ups are top notch. … that I've always wondered if any of my recorded calls have
been used for training or quality purposes. … that y’all need to know that you can’t believe everything
I post on here cuz Rosita is always stealing my phone … that y’all don’t realize if your birth year starts with 19
you shouldn’t be wrapping presents on the floor … I follow the 7/7/7 plan at work … do my job for 7 minutes,
then spend 7 minutes booking a cruise and then disappear for 7 days … that when people tell me I’m intimidating I always say,
‘Good. Think three times before speaking to me.’ … that you need to know that
I am not an asshole; I am a hemorrhoid and I only irritate assholes. … that I love it when one of
the cats sighs and I say, “Oh, what’s up my little unemployed freeloader?” |
Saturday, February 14, 2026
Why Is It ...
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The second one: You might be the reincarnation of W.C. Fields.
ReplyDeleteI like the recorded calls! Is that information intended to make callers think before they speak??
ReplyDeleteMy birth year starts with a 19 and I'm constantly getting down on the floor because dog toys roll under furniture.
ReplyDeleteThis article is witty, sharp, and unapologetically self-aware. It reads like a collection of humorous confessions that mix sarcasm, irony, and everyday observations in a very relatable way.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes it engaging is the contrast between playful exaggeration and subtle truth. Lines like ordering the last four donuts or following a “7/7/7 plan” at work highlight that mischievous, rebellious humor many people secretly relate to. At the same time, phrases about intimidation or “not being an asshole but a hemorrhoid” show bold, tongue-in-cheek confidence that gives the piece personality.
There’s also a clever use of idioms — bursting bubbles, stirring the pot, skating on thin ice — which creates rhythm and keeps the tone light and entertaining. It feels conversational, almost like scrolling through someone’s unfiltered social media thoughts.
Overall, it’s funny, slightly irreverent, and refreshingly honest — the kind of humor that makes you smirk because you recognize a little bit of yourself in it.