Why Is It ...

... that nobody remembers that before the internet we thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information but now we know that wasn’t it.

… that I still don’t understand how people my age can have children. I am children.

… that my co-workers have yet to learn that I am two scoops of grumpy in a bowl of bitchy every single morning.

… that alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then neither does milk so pour me a drink 

… that no one remembers that I talk a lot of smack for someone who tiptoes in the 5-foot end of the pool for fear I’ll drown.

… that everybody needs to know that I will separate glitter before I let your opinion of me stress me out.

… that I wake up everyday in a room-sized bed, and then I am gently lifted from the covers and dressed in a warm cozy sweater while my favorite foods are brought to me, and that I have no job and no bills and no responsibilities and suddenly I realize I am a chihuahua and I am filled with rage.

… that people often forget that while I am not a 10 at the beach I am a 10 at Walmart

… that people don’t know that I have reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

… that I get stuck thinking that soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish.

… that no one ever recognizes me in my Halloween costume? Is it because I go out as Emotionally Stable?