Why Is It ...

… that I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shiz up.

… that I don’t make the same mistake twice but I can make it 5 or 6 or 40 times just to be sure.

… that I remember the time when I thought a new hip joint meant someplace I wanted to go on a Friday night.

… that people don’t understand that I find out about everything … I even know Victoria’s Secret.

... that when my boss asked why I was late I said, “I cut someone off and they told me to go to Hell. At first I couldn’t find it, but now I’m here.’

… that even though some things are better left unsaid, I have a habit of saying them

…. that I will burn bridges while I’m still standing on them just so people know I am serious about my crazy.

… that I don’t mind coming in to work but waiting eight hours to go home is bull shiz

… that I bought a co-worker a Get Better Soon card and she didn’t like it. I mean, she’s not sick, I just think she could do better.

… that there are many times I am in mid-conversation with someone and will say, “Look, I don’t care.”

… when I shut down, I shut down for real … like McDonalds ice cream machine real.