Why Is It ...

… that some people have guardian angels while I have a racoon with a crowbar whispering, “Let’s make it worse.”

… that people don’t understand that the actual size of the fucks I don’t give can be seen from space.

… that no one remembers I was taught to think before I act, so if I smack the shiz out of you, rest assured that I have thought about it and am confident in my decision.

… that my new favorite game is Dodgeball but with random people that don’t know they're playing

… that people who are new at my job always ask me  how is it that I never get stressed working there and I always say, “Honestly, I’ve run out of energy to care anymore.”

… that I never take the high road when I could take the psychopath

… that you don’t realize that you cannot gaslight me because I will just agree with you. You think I’m insane? Same.

… that people need to know that if they feel some kind of way about me … awwwwww.

… that I am very aware of who the fuck I am, so people should stop asking.

… that people should be giving me a standing ovation for staying quiet instead of punching them in the face.