Day One: The Republican National Clusterf**k

In the interests of full transparency, I did not watch the Republican National Clusterf**k last night … Devious Maids was on and Nathan Owens takes his shirt off … 

... a lot.

But I heard all about, and read all about it, first thing this morning.

From The [t]Rump]s break with tradition by appearing on the first night, in a puff of smoke like the spawn of Satan that he is, to introduce the ext First Lady of the United Sates” … who came out wearing more clothes than she has in her entire life I must say … Melania Trump.

I give Melania points; her speech, well, parts of it, was inspiring and beautiful and oh so familiar that I realized that, while I loved her speech, I liked it better when Michelle Obama gave it in 2008 …

Like when Michelle said:

 “And Barack and I were raised with so many of the same values: that you work hard for what you want in life; that your word is your bond and you do what you say you're going to do; that you treat people with dignity and respect, even if you don't know them, and even if you don't agree with them."

And Melania said:

 “From a young age, my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life, that your word is your bond and you do what you say and keep your promise, that you treat people with respect. They taught and showed me values and morals in their daily lives. That is a lesson that I continue to pass along to our son."

Or when Michelle said:

“And Barack and I set out to build lives guided by these values, and pass them on to the next generation."

Before Melania said:

“And we need to pass those lessons on to the many generations to follow."

And then Michelle said:

"Because we want our children — and all children in this nation — to know that the only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.”

Long before Melania said:

“Because we want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.”

Naturally, the [t]Rump Campaign — Make America Plagiarize Again — tried to get out in front of PlagiaristGate, and trotted out Jason Miller, their Senior Communications Advisor, who released a statement saying something about how Melania’s team of writes used her own experiences to draft that speech for her.

I didn’t buy that excuse, especially, after hearing Melania telling Matt Lauer that she wrote the speech herself with as little help as possible …

… except from Michelle Obama.

In another interesting turn of events, the opening day of the convention, er, clusterf**k, the [t]Rump team announced that Omarosa will be director of African-American outreach. Yes, a reality show star, and the first Black bitch of reality television — to paraphrase Diahann Carroll describing her character on 1980s Dynasty — is working in the [t]Rump White House …. If he’s elected, goddess forbid; seriously.

PS: Omarosa is no Diahann Carroll.

And let us not forget how, earlier in the day, the convention devolved into chaos when the chair shut down a request for a roll call vote on adopting the rules of the convention. That request for a roll call vote came from Never Trump forces that hoped to defeat the convention rules and rewrite new rules that would have ultimately allowed delegates to vote for a candidate other than Donald Trump.

Infighting is fun … and even resulted in the entire Colorado delegation walking off the floor for a time.

Big Star™ Scott “Chachi” Baio spoke and said, “Joanie Loves Trump.” Okay, he didn’t say that, but who really cares what some 1970s and 80s sitcom has-been has to say. I bet he’s trying to parlay his convention appearance into a TV comeback. Other Big Star™, Antonio Sabato Jr., currently spearing with Chippendales in Vegas, also spoke, or maybe he stripped; does it matter?

And, of course, Rudy Giuliani, who has pressed his lips firmly to the sphincter of every GOP presidential campaign in the last three elections cycles in the hopes of getting some kind of cabinet position, took the stage to once again stand atop the bodies of 3,000 dead Americans from 9/11 as a reason to vote for [t][Rump.

But I’ll give this one to Viktor Kerney, of  the blog Maybe it's Just Me fame, who posted these screen shots of Rudy doing his Effie Melody White impression from Dreamgirls:

“"AAAAND I AMMM TELLING YOUUUU!" ‪#‎RNCinCLE

Oh, and what about this:

Now the elevators are color-coded depending on where you want to go inside the convention, but, seriously, no one ion the GOP thought this was a bad sign to have at their "
little sideshow"?

And those are just some of the lowlights from last night … the highlight, for me, was, yes, Nathan Owens.