He Shot Himself In The Dick, Then In The Foot

Donald Anthony Watson is a convicted felon living up there in South Dakota, and one day last month he showed up at a local hospital claiming that a ‘black man’ tried rob him as he took out his garbage, and that during the struggle the ‘black man’ shot  him in the groin.

As happens in the case of gunshot wounds, local police were called and began an investigation of the crime outside Watson’s home. Trouble was, they found no evidence of said crime; no spent bullets casings, no overturned garbage cans, no bullet holes at all, save for the one in Donald Anthony Watson’s dick … and the holes in his story.

In addition, there were several ‘ear’ witnesses who claim to have heard Watson screaming in pain inside his home that night, and with the lack of physical evidence and the witness testimony, police turned their attention back at Donald Anthony Watson’s home, where they found an empty gun case and bullet fragments on the bed.

The jig was up. Watson caved and confessed that he’d purchased a gun from an unknown third party, and when he put the gun in his pocket he shot himself in the dick, and then, you know, because he was a felon and an idiot and, possibly, racist, he created the ‘black man’ story.

However, because Watson refused to tell police where he’d put the gun, or who sold it to him, he was arrested on charges of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of a firearm by a drug offender, false report of a crime to law enforcement and false report of information to law enforcement.

Donald Anthony Watson is looking at a long stretch behind bars. Plenty of time for his dick wound to heal.

But remember, guns don’t shoot people in the dick, people shoot people in the dick.

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