It's Snarkurday!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned … or, in this case, like Nick Cannon not getting a $30 million dollar pay-out from Mariah Carey when the two divorced.

Yup, since Mimi said No-No to Nick’s request to pay him off for the rest of his life, he’s planning to write a tell-all book about her ALLEGED drug use, her strange eating habits, psychosis, what she has said about other artists, her sexual proclivities and her parenting skills. In fact, he’s going to suggest he get full custody of the twins, AKA Paycheck and Residuals, because he ALLEGES that Mariah has admitted she never wanted children.

It’s a lovely example of good parenting on Nick’s part, selling his ex-wife’s secrets to make a payday and grab the kids so he can use them to score more coins.
Chris Brown is trying to win back the heart of his ex-girlfriend; no, not the one he beat-up, the other one: Karrueche Tran.

Of course, this all comes after he accused her of banging Drake all over Instagram, because nothing says love like calling your girl a whore on social media. And this comes on the heels of the news that, while dating Karrueche, Brownie banged some one-off and got her pregnant.

Yeah, he’s a keeper, but, well, what else has Karrueche got going for herself?

I see a reconciliation …

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris are officially dating now — and apparently coordinating their outfits, too — so cue Swifty’s next album of breakup songs in 5 … 4… 3… 2… 1…

Right after Katie Holmes tied together a few sets of 700-count Egyptian Cotton sheets, climbed out a window, outran the dogs, scaled a fence, grabbed a Greyhound and hightailed it to New York City to divorce Tom Cruise, we’ve been subjected to stories of Tommy Grrrl’s devastation at not having his daughter Suri around for photo ops and such.

He made such a stink at first, that we were treated with daily photos of him carting around his daughter like Paris Hilton carts around a Capuchin monkey and then … nothing. In fact, the last Tom-and-Suri photo op was in London back in 2012, though he was busy filming some Tom Cruise-tacular.

Now, rumor has it that it’s been well over a year since daddy’s seen his daughter. He claims it’s because he was shooting Mission Impossible 37 for months and had no time off to see her, but apparently he just had two weeks off and, well, no Suri, though he did take time to take his son to a basketball game and have his picture taken.

Tom’s rep says he has seen his daughter plenty, but on the down low … tee hee, see what I did there … ALLEGEDLY … to shield her from cameras, but Katie sources say that’s not true.

Maybe he just never had the chance to force Katie to sign the ‘I Own My Children’ proviso in the pre-nup? ALLEGEDLY.

First Nick Cannon and now this?

Major player publicist Cindi Berger has parted ways with Mariah Carey after more than 15 years together, and when reached for comment, Berger said:

“I have enormous respect for Mariah. She is one of the great talents and voices of our time, and I wish her nothing but the best in her future endeavors. I care very deeply for her personally, but I felt that professionally it was time for us to move on.”

Professionally? Seriously, all you have to publicize about Mariah is how tight her dresses are, how big her boobs look, and how many pieces of chicken she had for dinner.

Easy peasy.

Cat fight!

Apparently Kelly Osbourne and Giuliana Rancic are feuding  about Rancic’s “weed and patchouli oil” comments about Zendaya’s hair on that show that used to be … and then should have died with Joan … but was resuscitated for Kathy Griffin before she bailed after seven weeks.

It all began when Rancic appeared on The Today Show and blamed her comments on editing:

“I think it’s time to just tell the truth. I thought the joke was not edited in the proper way. That’s just something I have to live with. It’s very important for me to get out there and tell the real story.”

But then Kelly Tweeted — because Tweeting is how anyone answers anything these days:

“Liars ALWAYS get caught!”

A source — possibly Kathy Griffin in search of a new gig — says there is a feud and the Tweet is aimed at Rancic:

“Kelly cannot understand why Giuliana keeps talking about editing when there was a whole audience and crew who heard and saw otherwise!”

And Rancic seems to confirm the feud, too, and adds that there might be bitterness with Kathy as well:

“I haven’t [been in touch] with them at all. I can’t speak for them, what they meant by those comments. Nothing good can come from trying to speak to them.”

Ouch! Maybe it’s gang warfare, with the Griff’s and the Ozzy’s fighting the Ghoulianas?

If you’re visiting Lake Como in Italy and hoping to spot George Clooney at his villa, it might cost you.

The town of Laglio, where Clooney bought an 18th-century mansion with private dock years ago has hiked fines for those who create “problems of public order” by gathering to gawk on the main road behind the villa or approach by boat closer than 100 meters offshore.

Mayor Roberto Pozzi signed ordinances introducing fines as stiff as $550 — five times higher than before — to discourage land-based and boating gawkers. The fines are only in effect during the Spring and Summer when Clooney is in residence.

I like Clooney, but I wouldn’t pay five large to see him.

Timothy Olyphant, on the other hand? Priceless.