I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

So, there was the story this week of Blister Palin’s White Trash Son calling his auntie Willard a ‘faggot’ and it got me to wondering: where do people learn how to act? Oh, from their parents; this explains Lindsay Lohan.

See, Dina Lohan and her brother Paul Sullivan ALLEGEDLY walked out on a dinner bill for more than $2500 this past weekend. It seems that Dina set down the box of wine long even for her and her brother to accept four complimentary tickets to new East Hampton restaurant, Andrra, to watch the Great Bonac Fireworks Show and aid the nonprofit Clamshell Foundation, which supports local health, cultural and education projects.

But Dina and Paul didn’t come with two others, as their four tickets suggested. No, Dina, possibly too drunk to read the invitation showed up with a party of eight, and started eating and drinking and cussing like sailors and banging busboys in the bathrooms and then walking out on the bill.

A source—and it may be Ali Lohan trading gossip for food—says, “They dined and dashed on a $2,500 check and didn’t leave a dime for the waiters. The understanding was they would get four free tickets. Anthony stormed up at the end and said, ‘What is this check for?’ Organizers offered a reduced bill for around $1,100, but then they just upped and left without leaving a tip. When organizers later phoned him to demand payment, Sullivan said, ‘My celebrity clients were not happy.’ ”

Andrra owner Rich Silver confirmed that Sullivan and his party left with an unpaid bill but declined to comment further, but Sullivan says, “This is a total lie. My written and verbal agreement with Rich Silver was to comp dinner for 8 to 10 guests, six people ate. There was not to be any bill. Then you get a bill for $2,500? [And] Dina was strictly invited as a guest and had nothing to do with paying anything. This is totally false. There is no bill to pay. I paid $500 for drinks, and I will wire a tip tomorrow.”

Oh, so this is where Original recipe gets her sense of entitlement; well, that and the California judicial system which has given her, apparently 10 strikes, before she’s jailed.

But there’s more…..because Dina loves to run her mouth.

Dina Lohan is furious over accusations that she skipped out on the bill and she’s telling anyone and everyone who will listen that she believes the restaurant where the event was held is dragging her name through the dirt to garner publicity for themselves.

Yeah, they wanna be known as the Dine’n’Dash place.

Dina says, “I was asked to come to this charity event at the last minute and it sounded like a great cause. My brother was involved so I went. I was never given a bill, so I never ran out on anything. Everyone at the table was meant to be comped. The weirdest thing about it was I was invited for a sit down dinner, I did attend the party but I never even ate. I would never in my wildest dreams walk out on a bill or try to avoid paying a charity.”

But you did Dina. See, you were invited but you brought seven other people? Do you not get that? And you probably didn’t eat because you were giving a handie to a dishwasher back by the dumpster when dinner was served.

Sidenote: I loathe Dina ever since she picked my pocket at the Friday’s in Times Square back in 1991, but, um, doesn’t she look years younger than Lindsay?

Must be the chardonnay…..

And, speaking of Lindsay……

You know the cracktress is working again, no? Yeah, she’s got Liz & Dick in the can, or maybe it’s just Dick in the can because I often forget how she rolls these days, and now she’s busy shooting a porn movie, The Canyons, which will be re-titled , before release, Firecrotch Canyon.

And her director, Paul Shrader, has gone all Facebook gaga over Lohan, writing: “Seven days in, first full week completed. Lindsay Lohan is a huge fan of Hollywood glamour and performances from the Golden Era. Working with her every day on varied scenes I’ve been making a mental checklist of classic movie performances she’s touched upon. There’s has been a lot of Ann Margaret, some Gena Rowlands and Faye Dunaway and of course some bits of Liz Taylor and Monroe as well as a little Rita Hayworth and….Oh yeah, and Angie Dickinson. And Lee Remick. And Shelley Winters.”

Um, Paul, you didn’t mention the star she most seems like, Mister Ed.

Now, that horse’s ass could act!

Oh, Oprah, when you fall, you fall hard. Possibly because you’re huge. But you also fall stupid.

In order to shore up the sagging ratings of that money-pit she calls OWN, O is making all sorts of new shows starring, well, O. And one in particular, “Oprah’s Next Chapter: This is what India is like now,” is under fire because of the stereotypes she uses in it about the Indian people.

Oprah may have charmed her Indian audience when she made a brief appearance at the Jaipur Literature Festival, but her shows on the country have left some Indians less than thrilled. See, Oprah really played up the stereotypes about the country: the incense! The Curry! The strapping on of a Sari! How happy the millions who live in the slums seems and how fabulous to be a part of the Bollywood elite! The arranged marriages and the fact that Indians, even rich ones, “still” eat with their hands.

Oops. O. Not good.

 “The avg American thinking of India as a place with snake charmers and elephants as main mode of transport, I can understand. But Oprah???” says Nandita Iyer on Twitter. “Honestly, this Oprah winfrey has made such a royal fool of herself with this.”

Shouldn’t used the word royal because that’s all she heard, and she’s now telling people she’s Indian royalty.

Commentator, Gargi Gupta, described the first episode of the television show, with pictures of “roadside cows chomping on garbage and roads choked with traffic,” as just some aspects of the show that may make Indian viewers “groan.”

But, the show wasn’t a complete write-off for Gupta; she found the Big O’s approach tactful when she asked slum dwellers about their hopes and fears, and said, “It suggests a respect for human sensitivities that television anchors in India… would do well to learn.”

Most, however, weren’t happy.

“Myopic, unaware, ignorant and gauche. This was Middle America at its best worst,” wrote Ms. Sen of the show’s first episode. She found O’s comment on Indians still eating with their hands particularly offensive. “I don’t know what people in America are eating their hot dogs, pizzas and tacos with but perhaps Oprah’s home has evolved cutlery for all that.”

Oh honey, O don’t need cutlery. She doesn’t feed herself! She’s slopped six times a day with cakes and cookies, and maybe, if Gayle got lucky hunting, a whole pig.

So, we know that Demi Moore’s daughters are less than thrilled with Mama Moore since she dumped their Brother/Daddy Ashton and started being all Red Bull and Whip It, and being hospitalized and sent to rehab.

But now Demi’s ex, the girl’s daddy, Bruce Willis has stepped into the fray.

And Bruce is firmly entrenched in the “the girls are spoiled” camp, which begs the question, who spoiled ‘em Bruce? Did they do it all on their own or did they have the help to two absentee, narcissistic parents?

Since Rumer, Scout and Tallulah distanced themselves from Mama to get away from her emotional meltdowns, Bruce has let them know their behavior is unacceptable. He’s been calling them spoiled and selfish, and says he doesn’t understand why they are turning on their mom when, for the most part, she’s been an incredibly supportive parent.

Um, maybe it’s the drugs and the Red Bull and the insanity, and maybe they’re gonna try a little tough love?”

While the girls supported Demi through the split from Ashton Cheater, and her stint in rehab, now they feel she should get it together on her own. Bruce, however, feels differently, and will be playing his trump card if the girls don’t start being nice to Mommy.

No.Mo.Money.

And if he cuts them off, they will all be in serious trouble because not one of them works or has managed to save a dime of money they were bathed in as children. They all rely on Bruce and Demi to pay their bills, which means, well, Bruce will be “paying” his daughters to be nice to their mother.

Lovely. All-American family.

I loathe Gwyneth Paltrow as much as Madonna loathes hydrangeas. I mean, she’s always played herself as the Grande Dame of American Cinema because about twenty years ago Harvey Weinstein bought an Oscar for her subpar performance in a subpar film.

And now, well, Gwynnie thinks she can sing. And I imagine there will be a run on ear plugs. [Note to self: call the broker and buy stock in all ear plug companies]

After she filmed Country Strong and recorded some songs for the film, Paltrow was on a big I’m a singer now kick. She was suddenly all over the TV, singing on Glee and the Oscars, the Grammys, and, well, really anywhere with a microphone, including the hostess stand at Applebee’s.

But that was so 2011 so I thought it was over.

But I guess Gwynnie is jealous that hubby Chris Martin, and his band, Coldplay, will be performing at the Olympics in London this month so Paltrow wants to book secret gigs in pubs.

Cuz folks’ll need booze if Gwynnie starts wailin’.

But, funnier than the fact that Paltrow thinks she can sing is that she wants to invite her VIP pals, including Jay-Z and Beyonce, to sing with her. Now, I know Beyonce and Jay-Z are publicity whores, but even they would draw the line sat singing anywhere with Paltrow.

Right?

Over the past decade or so, Kate Hudson’s acting career has progressed from promising, Oscar-nominated, and Goldie daughter, sweetheart, to queen of the predictable, they all look alike romantic comedies. In fact, her last one, A Little Bit of Heaven, went straight to video-on-demand.

So, now her biggest acting gig is shilling skin cream on TV. Huge star. Huge. But, um, who does Kate blame for her fall from real actress to salesperson for Oil Of Olay, or whatever?

Scarlett Johansson.

Yup, Kate is ALLEGEDLY furious that Scarlett has suddenly made it so big as a result of her Black Widow role in both Iron Man 2 and The Avengers that she commands $20 million for the next Avengers movie. And what else can decimate a star’s ego like watching a rival’s stunning career success.

Nothing.

Scarlett and Kate’s rivalry began years ago, when they were competing for Justin Timberlake—man, I can still smell the desperation and closeted homosexuality—but now that Scarlett’s career is going up, and Kate’s is, well, mostly on TV selling creams and lotions, Kate is in the middle of a jealousy-fueled comeback that she hopes will dethrone Scarlett as the queen of Hollywood.

Queen of Hollywood? Oh, honey, the Queen of Hollywood is Elton John, but I digress.

A source—and I think it’s Goldie—says, “It’s incredibly petty, but she still bitches about Scarlett to this day. Every time Kate gets an endorsement deal she Googles to see Scarlett’s deal so she can compare. Kate hasn’t had a major hit in ages, but she’s letting it be known that she’s ready to break out of her mold and become the It Girl in Hollywood again.”

First step, Kate, is to stop picking stupid movies where you play the same blond loon. And stop doing commercials. Why would I pay to see you in a movie—and in the interests of fairness I never have and never will—when I can see your face in the skin care aisle of the local Rite-Aid?

PS Is it me or do these two look alike? Or maybe they use the same hair stylist, you know, the one who doesn't own a comb?

Just sayin’.