Saturday, July 29, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

I’ve never heard of Willa Ford, but apparently she’s aiming for a comeback of sorts.

Willa’s first—and only—single was the bad girl anthem I Wanna Be Bad; it was released in May 2001 and became a kind of a hit. It was followed by the release of her first album Willa Was Here and a second single, Did Ya’ Understand That.

Unfortunately, Did Ya’ was released on September 11, 2001 and now, sixteen years later, Willa’s still complaining:
“Everything that happened that day froze; the world stood still, as it should have. My second single didn’t do well because anything that launched that day kind of got canned.”
So, she’s blaming the bad reception on 9/11? Seriously? Thousands died that day, lives were changed forever, and she’s complaining because her single didn’t hit?

Except ... Did Ya’ Understand That was actually released on December 4, 2001, long after 9/11, so maybe Willa’s just trying to strike up some sympathy for a career that went nowhere sixteen years ago and she thought blaming it on 9/11 was the right way to go.

Honey? Sit down. You’re not needed here.
Now, from the Delusional-I-Think-Every-Woman-Wants-Me file comes rap producer Rick Ross who, when asked why he’s never signed a lady rapper to his label, said this:
“You know, I never did it because I always thought, like, I would end up fucking a female rapper and fucking the business up. I’m so focused on my business. I just, I gotta be honest with you. You know, she looking good. I’m spending so much money on her photo shoots. I gotta fuck a couple times.”
Okay, again, look at him. Women would be unable to resist his charms?

Take a seat, Rick, I’ll call you when I stop laughing.
Who decides what movies to make, because, apparently, there is going to be a live-action Barbie movie; and it was set to star Amy Schumer—as Foul-Mouthed Barbie?—until she split, and now Anne “Oscar Winner” Hathaway will be the doll.

I can see Hathaway’s Oscar campaign for this one ... a pink convertible, a plastic house, a gender neutral date.

And lots of plastic, which would be a perfect fit for Anne Hathaway.

So, that 
was Ben Affleck’s face in that new trailer for Justice League; hopefully everyone saw it, because it appears that after Affleck fulfills his contractual duty to be Batman in Justice League and Justice League Pt. 2 he’ll never don the cape again.

And the world heaved a sigh of relief.

The upcoming standalone Batman movie, The Batman, was originally supposed to be written, directed, and starring Ben until he stepped away from directing, until his script was tossed in the trash can, until the studio realized that Affleck’s Batman is the worst thing ever.

A source—and it might just be Christian Bale, furious that Affleck has ruined the character—says that Warner Bros. is quietly making plans to “gracefully” get rid of Affleck.

Gracefully? Howsabout just killing him off? Well, not Affleck, I mean.
Teenage girls around the world have gone into mourning this week when it was announced that Justin Bieber was cancelling the remaining 15 dates of his Purpose world tour.

And, depending on who you listen to, the reasons range Justin wanted to doo it for The Baby Jeebus to Justin and “unforeseen circumstances” to, and this one seems most likely, that Justin is “just over it.”

I mean, the little twerp has never exactly cared about his fans so why wouldn’t he just end the tour because something shiny caught his eye and he wants to follow that?
A couple of years ago, I posted about the time that TV “star” Tia Mowry ran into movie star Charlize Theron at Soul Cycle and was given the grand snub. And so Tia Mowry ran to InTouch magazine to whine that Theron refused to even say ‘Hello’ to her and how devastating that was and now, apparently things have slowed down in Charlize’s life, because now, three years later, she’s clapping back ...

While doing press for Atomic Blonde, Charlize appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen used the game, Plead The Fifth, to ask about Tia’s remarks ...
“[Charlize] wasn’t very nice to me. I said, ‘Hi,’ and she actually rolled her eyes and said, ‘Oh, my God.’ I wasn’t over-the-top. I know how to approach another celebrity. Charlize was just mean. I’m just being honest.”
When Andy brought this up, Charlize “jokingly” said, “What a bitch!” before dismissing it because it showed up in InTouch. But Andy, because he’s a gossipy queen like yours truly, reminded Theron that Tia herself gave the magazine the exclusive, which Andy mentioned, leading Charlize to talk about it:
“I’m really nice at SoulCycle, actually, because once my endorphins kick in I’m actually almost too friendly. I’m always touching people, like, ‘Hey!'”
Like, “Hey, TV actress? Bugger off! I’m a star!”?
From the This Is Such A Trainwreck file comes word of a new film starring Gina Gershon, Whoopi Goldberg and Charlie Sheen.

Here’s the film: total strangers, trapped in a high-rise elevator, must work together to survive before the cable snaps! And why does the cable snap?

Oh, it’s because ... wait for it ... it’s vile ... a plane just hit the North Tower.

Yup, it’s a 9/11 film ... called 9/11. Seriously. But hey, Gershon, Goldberg and Sheen?

Set your clocks for Oscar next year because I see a slew of awards for this one!
I have always blamed Usher for giving us Justin Bieber, and now it appears maybe Usher will be made to pay for it ... in a roundabout sort of way.

Usher, is being sued for $10 million for ALLEGEDLY exposing a sex partner to herpes.  And he’s known about it for years because, again, ALLEGEDLY, Usher had to pay off a former lay in 2012 for giving her herpes.

In court documents concerning that case, doctors reportedly confirmed that Usher had it and shared, and now a different woman—referred to as “Jane Doe”—is suing “U.R. IV”—AKA Usher—for “negligence, battery and emotional distress” and seeking $10,000,000 in damages.

Now, you might think that ten million for herpes is a lot of Chlamydia, er, clams, the truth is that Jane Doe doesn’t claim to have contracted herpes, but after doing the deed with Usher’s STD peen and then finding out about the first case make her need a lot of coins to calm herself down.

Doe claims that she had sex with Usher on April 16 and that there was “heavy petting, some kissing, and she performed oral sex on him”—though he wore a condom. Two weeks later, they had a repeat performance only this time Usher was glove-less down there.

And then she read the reports that he has The Herpes and off to court she went because the mere idea that she had unprotected sex with him and he may have given her herpes, but didn’t, should equal ten million bucks.

Maybe Usher could ask Bieber for a loan?
So, Michael B. Jordan was at Comic Con over the weekend because he’s Killmonger in Black Panther, and was asked about being a sex symbol and he literally said:
“Who? Me?”
And the crowd was all, “Yes! You!” as Jordan tried to sidestep the talk:
“I’m just adjusting to this new air that I’m kind of breathing in, and it’s a balance. I’m trying to find a balance. I’m just trying to mature and develop as a man and as an actor, in front of the screen and behind, so it’s cool. I’m handling it OK. My family is keeping me grounded.”
Sweet. But here’s the deal ... Michael B. Jordan is a sex symbol.

Clearly ...

[photo 1,2,3]


Helen Lashbrook said...

Not even being stoned out of my mind would make me get within 1,000 miles of that rapper Ross (whoever he is) oversized whale

Harry Hamid said...

The Rick Ross one cracked me up. Basically, from an employment law point of view, he said, "I discriminate against women in hiring because if I hired them, I'd sexually harass them."

That would be a nightmare answer, from a lawyer's perspective.

Or a human perspective, actually...

the dogs' mother said...

A Barbie movie?! Around here is was Barbie in Bondage. The girls would tie her to a chair, waiting for Ken to rescue her. They'd go do something else and Ken never showed up. Hey, I could write this movie!

Raybeard said...

I hadn't heard of this '9/11', and, I must admit, the scenario sounds like it has potential. But why oh why, does it have to take place THEN? Haven't lifts got stuck at other times EVER? I s'pose they want to milk the situation of emergency services being unable to reach the trapped, or being otherwise engaged - but for goodness sake, use some imagination! Having that iconic horror employed as merely a 'peg' to hang a fictitious tale onto strikes me as (a) disrespectful to those many innocents killed too recently anyway, and (b) the pits!

anne marie in philly said...

UGH! so much garbage today...except for that last dude...yeah...

Deedles said...

I've never seen a picture of Rick Ross before (never heard of him either) but doesn't he look like Issac Hayes with a massive thyroid problem?
Growing up with five sisters, on the rare occasion when we got Barbies, we discovered that bitch turned into a great sibling bashing weapon!
Don't you think sexy people who don't know they're sexy are even sexier. Maybe that's just me.

mistress maddie said...

Me thinks Rick Ross could most definitely use a bra.

Anonymous said...

10 Million for herpes? Hell I'd have them for that.

Dave R said...

I actually read somewhere that the Beiber was giving up music because he discovered God was living in his pastor's pants...well, that might not be quite right... maybe

Sheila said...

Bob, you must be the coolest person in cyberspace!
Honestly, you keep up with all the key facts I am apt to miss unless I check in with you on a regular basis...thanks particularly for the info on Charlie Sheen being trapped in an elevator with Whoopi and Gina on 9/11. Golden Globes, Oscars, I hear awards clanking.
And Michael B. Jordan is a hunk - even to an old dyke. All in all, a stellar post.
Thanks, Honey Bunch!!

Professor Chaos said...

Ross said he would fuck her. He didn't say it would be consensual. I'm not trying to make a rape joke, I really think he seems like he would be a rapist.