Thursday, November 03, 2016

On This Date In ISBL History: Don't Ask Carlos For Directions

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 3, 2011:


A few weeks back our thirty-five-year-old, original to the house, Jennair range sparked, smoked, flashed some bright lights and then passed away. Since we've long wanted a gas range, we took it upon ourselves to have a gas line run to the house, and then to the kitchen, where we would install a new stove.

Last weekend we went out to buy said stove and found a lovely 5-burner model, with a gas convection oven, so shiny and purty that, if I could handle the weight, I'd attach to a silver chain and wear around my neck.

But this story isn't about me, it's about Carlos and his style of giving directions. 

After we purchased the range, the salesman asked for directions from the store to our house so it could be delivered. Carlos said — and these are not the real directions so don't try them: 
"You start out by going out of the parking lot and then head south on this road until you get to the interstate, and then you head\east, for about twenty miles till you get to Exit 98. Take that exit and it wraps around, and goes under the freeway, and then you head north on Highway 402 until it merges about four miles later with US 54. You take that through the town, down past the factory and across the river, where you'll see a Lowes. Right after the Lowes is a traffic light for Bob-and-Carlos Drive. Turn left, well, you can only turn left, because the street dead-ends, but then you stay on Bob-and-Carlos Drive for, oh, maybe a mile-and-a-half, until you come to our house at #____, where you'll see a red mailbox. Our driveway is real narrow, with a lot of trees so they may have to park the truck on the street, but that's our house with the red front porch."
The salesman typed in:
"Interstate 77, to Exit 98. 402 north to US 54 east. Left at Bob-and-Carlos Drive to #____"

Bless that Carlos, he does love to talk!!


And still, he gives directions like this:
Pass the road that crosses our road and there are three mailboxes … the middle one is all metal. We’re the third one.
And I say:
This is the house number; we’re on the right.

6 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

:-)

anne marie in philly said...

husbands! ain't they a laugh! :)

Professor Chaos said...

I usually give directions with a series of hand gestures like straight, then this way, then straight again. . .
So it could be worse, you could be married to me!

Mitchell is Moving said...

This is priceless! Jerry's mother used to always give directions like, "turn right at the blue house." But someone painted the house yellow!

Dave R said...

Usually all they ask for is a street address and maybe a landmark... GPS, they all have it.

Anonymous said...

This story is as rigged as the pile of alleged emails from Hillary Clinto.
Nobody has more respect and gives better directions than yours truly....
This is a disaster but with my directions we'll get America Back... oppps I've been watching too much TV lately....