Saturday, November 26, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

From my old hometown comes a Kanye Tale ... it seems Kanye West’s ‘Saint Pablo’ tour took him to Sacramento, where he performed just three songs before ranting about Jay-Z and Beyoncé and then quitting the show:
“Beyoncé, I was hurt! ‘Cause I heard that you said you wouldn’t perform unless you won Video of the Year over me, and over ‘Hotline Bling.’ In my opinion—now, don’t go tryin’ to diss Beyoncé, she is great. Taylor Swift is great. We are all great people, we are all equal. But sometimes, we be playin’ the politics too much and forgettin’ who we are—just to win. Fuck winning! Fuck lookin’ cool! I’ve been sent here to give y’all my truth—even at the risk of my own life, even at the risk of my own success, my own career. I’ve been sent here to give y’all the truth. Jay Z, call me, bruh! You still ain’t call me! Jay Z, call me! Jay Z, I know you got killers, please don’t send them at my head. Just call me! Talk to me like a man!”
Okay, so it doesn’t make a lot of sense but then not much Kanye says does so I’ll break it down for you ... he’s gotten his panties in a twist because he believes Beyoncé only agreed to perform at the VMAs this year because MTV promised her that she would win Video of the Year.

Huh, wasn’t it just a few years ago that he took to the stage at the VMAs to say Bey was the greatest?

I guess Kanye fell off his meds and the stage in Sacramento. But the best part is the video of his stunned fans in the audience after he walked off, chanting in unison,
“Fuck you Kanye!”
Now, if they’d just stop buying his music maybe he’d go away.

Well, JLo dumped Casper Smart recently and so she’s been alone about twelve seconds ... time to get a new man? Or maybe an old man?

Just as news broke that JLo’s ex-husband, Marc Anthony, had split from his third wife Shannon De Lima—JLo was Number Two—Lopez and Anthony appeared at the Latin Grammy Awards and shared a kiss onstage.

And now, of course, rumors are running that JLo was responsible for the breakup. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn’t, but she sure did take a run at his lips the moment she heard he might be single.

Could there be a fourth marriage for Anthony and a fourth for Lopez as well? Who cares ... if it happens it’ll last about two years because that’s the going rate for a Lopez-Anthony marriage.

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna finally had their reality show baby, one Dream Kardashian. Dream? From a nightmare of a couple who can’t seem to stay together longer than it takes to get a girl pregnant?

Okurrr. Well, apparently there was no drama during the birth and media outlets are saying Rob and Chyna are getting along now, for about five minutes, but that won’t last long if That Woman has anything to say about it.

Apparently Granny That Woman got her Depends in a snit because the baby was named ‘Dream’ and not some ‘K’ name as they are ALLEGEDLY contract-bound to do.
“[That Woman] was there and told both Rob and Chyna that the baby’s name needed to start with a K. She said it was all about branding. But they didn’t listen. [That Woman] was yelling, ‘We all agreed as a family it was a K name! I’m so done, I can’t believe you reneged on this,’ and stormed out screaming.”
Kream Kardastrophe? Well, there is a certain ring to it.

I don’t think all supermodels are dumb, but there is a certain stereotype that most of them are a little low on the IQ point scale. Take for example Kate Upton ... Kate’s fiancé, Justin Verlander plays for the Detroit Tigers and he seemed a shoe-in for the American League Cy Young Award. He didn’t win, but being a gentleman and a human being accepted the loss via Twitter rather graciously:
“Just want to say thank you to all the @officialBBWAA who voted for me.”
But Upton was furious and took to Twitter—because that’s where you go when you’re a pissy little supermodel or a President-elect—to vent:
“Hey @MLB I thought I was the only person allowed to fuck @JustinVerlander ?! What 2 writers didn't have him on their ballot?”
And she wasn’t done ...
“He had the majority of 1st place votes and 2 writers didn't have him on their ballots?!! can you pick more out of touch people to vote?@MLB”
And then she dished up a conspiracy theory:
“@MLB how many 2nd place votes? huh? he lost to Justin in 1st place votes. If Tampa bay writers weren't paid off...”
Unfortunately no one, including Justin, could pry Kate’s hands from her phone and keep her from acting like a petulant child who didn’t get what she wanted ... an award for her boyfriend. Seriously ... model’s and Republican presidents, shouldn’t be allowed to Tweet.

So Mimi and her ex-fiancé James Packer are spending more time fighting about their breakup than they actually spent together as a couple, or at least it seems like that.

In fact, Mariah, whose song “All I Want For Christmas” is a big hit at the holidays now feels that  Packer is trying to ruin Christmas for her with this breakup and so she is demanding ... demanding ...  the pay-out from their pre-nup—set to be about $50 million—even though the two never made it down the aisle. She never even got to put on the dress, though maybe that was because she ordered a size 2??!!??

A source—and you know it Mariah phoning the tabloids from the inside of a bottle of champagne—says:
“[Packer] is causing Mariah severe emotional distress especially at such an important time of her life. He knows she is the queen of the holiday season and she knows he’s trying to ruin it for her.”
Mimi is the queen of the holiday season? Now that’s funny stuff!

Anyway, Mimi and Jimmy are said to be fighting over her sure-to-be-craptastic E! reality show, which chronicles the run-up to the wedding that wasn’t and now James wants all footage of him removed from the show. He also wants his ring back, but, hey, it’s rumored to be worth ten million so Mariah won’t be FedExing it back anytime soon. In fact, she’s taken to Instagramming pictures of the ring just to taunt Packer.

In addition, Mariah says she was so distraught about the breakup she had to cancel several dates on her South American tour and packer owes her for that; Packer, for his part, says the dates were cancelled for lack of interest and ticket sales and that seems more plausible.

Mariah also wants James to pay for the mansion in Calabasas they leased together, whining that he “left her with a pile of expenses. He abandoned her with a house full of staff.”

And by staff, I think we all know he means burly men who carry Mariah from room-to-room.

Poor Mimi. My.Heart.Breaks.

Well, well, well ... after his last tirade in Sacramento, and cutting the concert short after just thirty minutes, Kanye West has been hospitalized.

He was supposed to perform in LA after the Sacramento show but canceled at the last minute and then came word that Kanye was canceling the rest of the tour because he was “exhausted.”

Apparently, though, he was Lindsay Lohan Exhausted because he was taken to UCLA Medical Center for psychiatric evaluation ... in handcuffs.  According to LAPD sources, officers responded to a call for a welfare check on Kanye while he was at his trainer, Harley Pasternak’s home “acting erratically.”

How does one tell when Kanye is acting erratically?

When paramedics arrived, Kanye was calmer, but his team of handlers convinced him it was best to go; he was handcuffed to a gurney and transported to the hospital. Word now is that he claims to be overworked, not sleeping, still distraught after the Kim Kardastrophe West being robbed in Paris and, well, perhaps just crazy.

Sleep deprivation does mess with your mind, but it can also be a symptom of, say, the manic stage of a bipolar disorder. And that doesn’t seem so far-fetched, given the range of moods and emotions one sees in Kanye West at any given time; the “manic” periods when he makes almost no sense—like his rant in Sacramento—and the times when he acts angry and paranoid.

Here’s hoping he gets the help that he clearly needs ... and that part of his rehab is to never set foot on a stage again.


Debra She Who Seeks said...

Poor, poor superstars. They suffer so much for us.

anne marie in philly said...

I second debra; what a buncha pissy whiny LOSERS!

the dogs' mother said...

Hmmm, Kranberry Kardashian, Kristmas Kardashian, Katastrophe Kardashian

Helen Lashbrook said...

Krispy Kreme Kardashian? Kills two birds with one stone, advertising and a K name as well

Blobby said...

...a size 2. how does one type that can noise when one is about to attack?

Professor Chaos said...

Poor Kanye. Another career ruined by Kardashian stink!