Saturday, October 08, 2016

It's Snarkurday!

Well well well, maybe a Kardastrophe has a conscience after all … or maybe the drama is all just too real.

It seems that, despite being a hit for E!, a second season of Rob & Chyna hasn’t been ordered because the estranged couple miraculously refuses to work together.

Rob and Chyna are living separately, and last month he passed on going to a promo appearance with Chyna, and last week he skipped the Kardastrophe-thrown baby shower … to which the Baby Mama was ALLEGEDLY not invited.

 But … if Rob bails E! might just do a solo show with Chyna as the star. That’d be good TV right, especially given that she’s having a baby with her former Baby Daddy’s new girlfriend’s step-brother.

I haven’t been snarking on the Brangelina split because, well, I like them, and thought those two kids would stay together. And so I chose to go Courtney Cox on the story … by that, I mean, when recently asked how her BFF Jennifer Aniston felt about the split, Cox said:
“She doesn’t feel anything. It isn’t her business.”
Shame, then that Melissa Etheridge doesn’t feel the same way because she is opening her yap full-tilt and coming down on the side of Team Brad.

Melissa was once very close to Brad and Jennifer — she even sang at their wedding. But when their marriage ended she took up with Team Jennifer, though she spared her wrath from Bard and took her hate out only on Angelina, like saying that Angelina was “not brave” for undergoing a preventative double mastectomy… which Angelina never described as brave.

And, a few years back, Melissa went on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen quizzed her about Jolie and Aniston and Melissa came across as Team Aniston Forever.

Cut to this week, and Melissa was back on Watch What Happens and opted to bash Angelina again; she told Cohen she was “heartbroken” for Pitt and called the accusations that he verbally and physically assaulted his kids, “completely unfounded”:
“It breaks my heart that anyone would take something as personal as your marriage and your relationship and your rights to your children and do it as purposefully as I see it’s being done.”
Funny, cuz that’s kinda what Melissa Etheridge did when she unceremoniously dumped her wife, Tammy Lynn Michaels, in 2010 and took after her about their children.

Note to Melissa: this doesn’t concern you, dear. Why don’t you shut up and sing.

Last January it was reported that reality TV show hack, and poor little not-so-rich-girl, Tori Spelling was facing a $37,981.97 Amex bill that neither she nor her mama, Candy, wanted to pay.

Well, Tori finally cut them a check for $1,070 and that checked bounced faster that Nicki Minaj’s ass in a  Twerk-off. And now, Amex is like, Bitch, gimme me my money!

And they took Tori to court where this week a judge ordered a default judgment against Tori and demanded she pay Amex … and pay $855 in court fees.

Note to Tori: you aren’t [t]Rump; pay your bills.

Of course, it might be hard because, also this summer, the state of California came knocking on Tori and Dean McDermott’s door looking for the $259,108.23 they owed in unpaid taxes from 2014.

A few weeks back, I snarked about reality show hack threw a tantrum, and some drinks, on party goers at a Coldplay concert in the Hamptons, and now it looks like her bad behavior has cost her a job.

Oh, not her Real Housewives of New York job, but her SiriusXM radio show called B Real with Bethenny … what a stupid name. It seems that the big shots at SiriusXM heard about Bethenny’s ALLEGED bitchy antics and axed their plan to make her show permanent.

Word to the wise … act the bitch in public and you might just lose a gig … and then be stuck on that RHoNY gig which is all about acting the bitch.

So, by now you’ve all heard that Kim Kardastrophe was robbed at gunpoint in Paris and suffered the loss of some ten million in jewels.

A lot of folks are saying there is now way that Kimmie had millions in diamonds and pearls but I look at it like this:

Maybe she had 1,666,666 $6 necklaces from Claire’s. That’d be ten million bucks, right?

Poor Lindsay Lohan. She loves boats and it appears the one way she gets to sail around the Mediterranean on a yacht is by doing double-duty as guest and hand on deck … hand on dick might be another one of her jobs, but I digress. It  appears that while pitching in for booze and ciggies money that Lohan tried to pull up the anchor — not a metaphor for a “handy” I’m told — and got tangled in the chains and was pulled into the water.  Lindsay was able to use the flotation devices in her bikini top to swim back to the boat but when she got aboard she noticed she left the tip of her ring finger in the anchor.

Her friends and we’ll use that word loosely, tried to find the digit-tip and when they did, they hurried Lohan to the hospital and got a plastic surgeon to reattach it.

Luckily, Lohan was so tipsy at being digit-less that she didn’t need any painkillers … though she did ask for them.

Just sayin’.

Oh how quickly things change … when last we left Tori Spelling she was being court ordered to pay her credit card bill — I usually, you know, just pay mine without having a judge order it — and we were all wondering how she was gonna cough up the dough since Mama Candy isn’t supporting her any longer.

Well, Tori always has a Plan B … B for baby. Yes, Tori Spelling, who met her husband Dean when she was cheating on her husband with him, and he was cheating on his wife with her, and then they married and he cheated on Tori, is pregnant with the couple’s fifth child. And nothing says paycheck like a Tori Spelling Baby™ since she’ll whore out the story and the ultrasound and the first pictures and possibly sell Baby’s First Dirty Diaper or the umbilical cord on eBay.

If it’s a boy, they’ll name it Bill Paid McDermott, and for a girl they’re thinking Outta Dette McDermott … at least for now. 


Blobby said...

Melissa Ethridge singing at anyone's wedding = doomed marriage.

anne marie in philly said...

the "news" was fulla garbage this week...besides the antics of the rump!

the dogs' mother said...

Turned on the news. First thing I heard was the Dumald talking about, well you know.
Isn't there a hurricane out there? It has been on for about 20 minutes now. Stay safe Bob and Carlos and thank you for the Saturday morning levity. :-)

mistress maddie said...

I have always liked Melissa Etheridge, but she may be a tad let down since Angelina turned down her bed offer maybe!!! I liked the two together too Bob. As for the rest of these wiley ones.....what a mess!