Thursday, August 14, 2014

Random Musings

Last weekend we had a houseguest, and you know what they say about houseguests …

He’s a friend of ours that I met when I met Carlos at the beginning of the century. He’s funny, smart, and a bit of a perv. I love when he wants to talk politics and architecture and history, but then he suddenly veers into a conversation of dick size, and wouldn’t you f**k him, and, well, it’s all a little much.

But, he came bearing gifts, or so he said, so I thought it might be a nice weekend. He came out of his room carrying an object and said it was for Carlos.

To me, it looked like a flashlight, and since Carlos has issues with his night vision, that’s what I thought. But Carlos was twisting off the top and when it came off, I thought I saw a lens on the top; flashlight.

Oh, wait, there’s a slit in the ‘lens’ and, yes, not a flashlight, but a Fleshlight; a toy some men use to, um, choke their chicken, spank their monkey, audition their hand puppet, clean their rifle … you get the idea.

Anyway, not the kind of ‘gift’ you’d expect from a sixty-six-year-old retired attorney from New York City who sounds more than a little like Beverly Leslie from Will and Grace.

But the best part? After the houseguest left, Carlos and I were talking about the gift and Carlos said … “At first I thought it was a martini shaker.” And that was no euphemism for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. And then he says, “When the lid came off I thought it was a bathroom deodorizer.”

Oy, Carlo. You gotta love him. I know I do.
I remember a couple of years ago when word came out that Target was supporting an anti-LGBT candidate for political office in Minnesota. I, and many of my gay brethren, opted to voice our dismay by boycotting Target—not hard for me since I’d been in Target maybe a  handful of times in my life, but still…

And the rightwingnut Christians thought the boycott was cruel and mean and began calling the LGBT community ‘homofascists’ who boycott any and all groups who don’t agree with us.

Cut to last month when Target came out in support of marriage equality in Wisconsin and what happened? Those same rightwingnut Christians began calling for a Target Boycott since the retailer didn’t agree with their agenda.

F**king hypocrites.
In TV Hot Guys News, I’ve become kind of addicted to the new USA show, You’re The Worst, about a couple of toxic people who fall in love and their toxicity doubles.

 It’s irreverent humor — which I love — and features Brit Chris Geere — with a delicious accent which I love — and his best friend played by Desmin Borges, who is almost always in his underwear — which I also love.

Just sayin’.
The folks in Michigan have gone crazy, y’all. How else do we explain how Gary Glenn, the president of the American Family Association of Michigan, won the GOP primary for a seat in the Michigan state House?

Glenn supports  Michigan’s 2004 constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage; he backed loon,  and “very special friend”, Mike Huckabee’s failed 2008 presidential bid; he wants to recriminalize homosexuality; he warns companies not to hire The Gays; he wants schools to ban Gay Straight Alliances because  they promote “homosexual propaganda” and “risky behavior”; he was a plaintiff in a lawsuit to stop the 2009 Federal Hate Crimes law because he said, falsely, obviously, it would criminalize the Bible.

WTF Michigan? You don’t wanna move ahead?
Last week we talked about Mary’s Gourmet Diner, the restaurant in North Carolina where the owner gave discounts to people who openly prayed before each meal because she thought it showed what good Christians they are.

Not so much anymore. Elizabeth Cavell, staff attorney at the Freedom From Religion Foundation, the largest national association of freethinkers, or people of no religious beliefs, began receiving complaints about the discount and sent a letter to diner owner, Mary Haglund, asking her to stop offering the discount.

“As a place of ‘public accommodation,’ it is illegal for Mary’s Gourmet Diner to discriminate, or show favoritism, on the basis of religion. Your restaurant’s restrictive promotional practice favors religious customers, and denies customers who do not pray and nonbelievers the right to ‘full and equal’ enjoyment of Mary’s Gourmet Diner.”

The next day a note was posted to the door at Mary’s announcing they would no longer offer the prayer discount:

“While you may exercise your right of religious freedom at this restaurant by praying over your meal to any entity or non-entity. We must protect your freedom from religion in a public place.”

Good.
In other TV news, the amazing Patti LaBelle is said to be joining the cast of American Horror Story: Freak Show this fall.

LaBelle will be playing Gabourey Sidibe’s mother in this next arc of the show, set in 1950s Jupiter, Florida, where it will focus on a series of mysterious murders centered around one of the few remaining side-show attractions in the country.

LaBelle’s character will delve into the truth about the “secrets of Twisty the clown killer.”

Twisty the clown killer? I am so in!
Hell hath no fury like a homophobe whose wife left him for another woman.

Jonathan Saenz, a virulently anti-gay activist and President of conservative group Texas Values, was divorced in August 2011 and court records show that his wife left him for another woman just months before he joined that hate group.

I guess when your wife leaves you for a woman, your only option is to run out and join an anti-gay group?
I watched a news report on Robin Williams' suicide the other night, and they were "reporting" on how many people felt that the press conference following Williams' death was so bad, so inappropriate and so full of salacious information.

After that snippet, the news channel began speculating on Williams' marriage, his finances, and whether or not he was sober in his last few days.

Pot.Kettle.STFU.
But ... if you want to read an amazing blog post on depression, what it can feel like, and how one person copes with it as best they can, go to A Heritage of Humor - Stories from my Kitchen to read Joe's account of depression.

It brilliant.

5 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

Holy Smokes. Adam and Eve!

BloggerJoe said...

Random Musings has always been one of my favorite weekly posts. I'm thrilled I made the list! Thanks!

anne marie in philly said...

a fleshlight? what, a bottle of wine ain't good enough?

I have never been inside a target and never will; nothing I need that I cannot go to a mom-n-pop local store. I've been inside a wallyworld twice; two times too many, IMHO.

mistress maddie said...

OMG BOB! You get the prize this week of making my gut split with laughter and spray my wine!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is too funny!!!! The lad got me one also. I knew what it was. But when am I too use it with my men???? I hear from a friend it feel wonderful!! Maybe ill give it to Anne Marie with flowers in when I meet her!!!!!!! And Pattys!!!!!!!! Now I tinkled a little!

Raybeard said...

I'd never heard of the term 'fleshlight' so, not wanting to remain an ignoramus in that department (especially since my sands have run further into the lower glass than most) thought I'd better google-image the word - and was utterly appalled at some of what came up. I hurriedly added the word 'gay' and tried again, which made it MUCH better. Now I know. Thanks for the lesson!