A few weeks back I saw a commercial for a mattress company saying you should replace your mattress every eight years or so. Carlos asked how long we’d had our mattress and I said, shocked, “I brought it with me from California …”
“How old is it?”
“Fourteen years … plus, maybe eight?”
Twenty-two years old! Oh for the love of the Baby Jeebus! So, we were out that next weekend looking for a new mattress and a new bed as well. And the first place we stopped we found one we liked; and we tried out mattresses, playing Goldilocks … This one is too hard … This one is too soft … This one is just right … and found one of those we wanted. So, we talked to a salesman and got a quote for the whole shebang.
A little high but … Then Carlos wanted to try another place … Rooms-To-Go … and though I loathe their furniture, off we went.
As we entered the store, the salesman bull chute opened and a bell rang and out came Sharon to lasso us into a sale.
“We’re just looking,” I said.
“For what?”
“Furniture.”
That stopped her, and she let us wander off with the obligatory, My name is Sharon, let me know if I can help you.
We wandered through the store looking at hideous bed after hideous bed; I rapped them each with a knuckle and called out “Plastic” to express my dismay at the particle-board furniture RTG sells. But, there at the back, was this beautiful Mission style King bed — a king bed for queens, oh the irony — and when I rapped on it with my knuckle …. Solid wood!
How in the hell did that get in this store. I looked around for Sharon, who’d been tracking us through the store like Mama Grizzly Bore™ hunting for relevance, hiding behind hideous armoires and plastic dining room tables and we talked bed. Of course she tried to get us to buy the whole set, but I shot that down … We don’t want the all-matchy room, thank you.
Next up was the mattress, so we walked the store with Sharon and tried the beds; too soft; way too soft; wait, this is good. Firm, but comfy. We both lay down on the bed and tried to out, feeling this was the one.
So, we got it; the bed and the mattress and box springs. It was to be delivered tomorrow, but Sharon said she could Express Deliver it on Monday if someone would home to accept it. Well, I’m home on Mondays so we went Express and were told to expect the bed sometime between 7AM and 10PM … seriously? The cable guy is clearer about when he’s coming.
But I was home, and the new bed arrived at 4PM, and was set up, and then given the Tuxedo seal of approval; he took one look at it, jumped up, and began rolling all over it, purring.
Tuxedo likee. Bob likee.
Carlos? Tuesday morning he said it was too hard and could we send it back.
I said, sweetly, as I do, at times, “We could … but they’ll charge for that, and then charge for a new mattress and charge for delivery and charge for being annoying.”
“It’s too hard.”
I said, sweetly gritting my teeth, “Maybe you should sleep on it more than 7 hours? I mean, we slept on lumpy, dumpy, ancient for fourteen years, Give this one more than one night …”
Oy. The bed stays.
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The twitter makes mine mind hurt...
ReplyDeleteand you WANT to get married? :)
ReplyDeleteTime for a new mattress
ReplyDeleteDear,that bed shopping had to be entertaining. Now I can only imagine the wedding preparations when you start. That will have to be a weekly post. Now, you two have to break in the mattress to get it just right tell Carlos.
ReplyDeleteCan't Judge Brainless be removed from the bench for incompetence?
ReplyDeleteBob,
ReplyDeleteYour mattress story was really funny. Not only could you replace Mike Walker as a real gossip columunist but you could give Dave Barry some serious competition as a humorist.
You alwasy make me smile Bob.
Ron
What do you bet if the persons praying would have been Jewish, or gasp! Muslim wouldnt have gotten a discount?
ReplyDeleteWhat a stupid human that judge is, how did she managed to pass the bar exam? shaking head in confusion....
I hate bed shopping! I like a firmer mattress, but due to all of TH's issues with past injuries, he wants one softer. Guess who doesnt win, me!