Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Emmy Fashion: The Best, The Ooohs, The Ahs, The Ohs, The Uh Ohs, The OMGs, and The Worst

THE BEST
Julia Roberts. It's short, it's fun, it's flirty, it's glittery, it looks like a party, but it doesn't take itself too seriously. And she has great pins. I'm not a fan of the hooker heels, but I'll forgive her.
OOOOH 
[clockwise from upper left]
Debra Messing. I love the geometry of the dress,m and the fact that it looks like you can see through it, but you can't; take a note Beyonce. 

Halle Berry has gotten over the ballgown with the lace and sequined top look, and gone for simple and elegant. Girl should'a pulled her hair out of her left eye though.

Lizzy Caplan. This is a bit much for the Emmy's, but she looked stunning in it. Great cut-out at the waist and the long white train was a nice surprise.

Sarah Hyland. She's young and pert and fun, and she chose just the right dress to say that; she doesn';t look older than her years, nor does she look younger.
AH 
[clockwise from upper left]
Angela Bassett is channeling some Diana Ross from the 70s and really, really rocking it.

Kerry Washington. I wasn't sure about the faux mini-skirt, but I love the color of the dress--she was the rare not black, white of red dress out there--and her hair is fabulous.

Michelle Dockery. This is a total summer dress and I love it. But, that girl needs a little color; a spray tan would have shown off the midriff cutout and made it easier to spot where the dress ends and Michelle begins. Still, it's very pretty.

Viola Davis looks stunning. I like some glitter, but I don't like full body glitter and she really made it work; casual and eleganza!
OH 
[clockwise from upper left]
Allison Janney in a beautiful color, but an unfortunate fabric. I like the silhouette but the fabric just seems a bit too brothel sofa to me.

Juliana Margulies going for some goth, I guess. The hair is too severe; the make-up too severe. And when she won her award, and you saw the back of the dress, well, her ass is flatter than Taylor Swift singing live.

Lucy Liu usually takes some risks on the red carpet but this just screams "I tore the sheets right off'a the bed and made me a gown."

Keke Palmer. Last week a designtestant was kicked off Project Runway for making a "boob canyon" and yet here it is again. I watched her work the carpet and feared for my life every time she turned sideways.

Sofia Vergara has a true hourglass va-va-voom figure, so why does she need to draw attention to it with silver directional arrows?

Uzo Aduba. It's a pretty dress, but not on her body type.It needed to be worn by, well, Sofia Vergara. Yeah, put Uzo in Sofia's dress and Sofia in Uzo's and we might have had a different outcome.
UH OH 
[clockwise from upper left]
Hayden Panettiere makes a gorgeous pregnant woman but this dress was far too low-cut. I get it that she has bigger bazoombas now, but did we need to see almost all of them?

Alison Williams will be playing Peter Pan in NBCs upcoming live musical version of the classic tale but she chose to go all Cinderella last night. It's a little too late for the ball.

Christine Baranski. God I love her, but shy she chose to go so matronly is beyond me. Yes, she's a woman of a certain age, but not Angela Lansbury's age.

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting looks like she's wearing a leftover bridesmaid dress from her wedding. Or, she found an old prom dress and decided to recycle. Plus, it doesn';t really seem to fit.

Kristen Wiig. Try.Harder. Failing that, just try. A simple white slip dress? Yawn.

Lena Headey. I loves me some asymmetry but every time I see one of these dresses it always looks like she is wearing it wrong; like she put it on sideways. Plus if you go asymmetrical on the bottom don't do it up top ... it looks like she's leaning.
OMG 
[left to right]
Kate Mara. It's pretty, it flows, but the top detail, with the ruching, makes one breast appear to be about an inch lower than the other. It's like one of her boobs had a stoke.

Kate Walsh wearing some fugly colored dress from the Judy Jetson Collection. The little sleeve, the peplum, the fishtail and, gag, that color. Miss.

Katherine Heigl. I almost felt bad for her because when she walked onstage and the applause level was definitely "less than" which means all that talk about Hollywood not really liking her is true. And this is a dress for a much older woman; Heigl likes to be young and fun and this says "I'm the momzilla of the bride."
THE WORST
Laura Prepon. What is the name of Xenu is this abomination? The algae color? The big-assed one-sided lapel? The peplum? The swoosh of fabric racing down the backside as though it were trying to get away? No wonder Tom Cruise didn't offer this fellow Scientologist a marriage contract. Plus, is she laughing with us about this mess? I hope so.

7 comments:

Stephen said...

This is your calling, doing red carpet commentary. Smart.

Bob Slatten said...

Thanks Stephen.
It's a gift, I don't own it. =)

Helen Lashbrook said...

I thought the Julia Roberts dress was a mess, but then so were most of the others too. You don't get glamour these days; now in the olden days....Marilyn Monroe would have left all these women standing.

Of the outfits shown my vote goes to the Viola Davis dress

anne marie in philly said...

I second helen's first paragraph!

I like debra messing's dress best.

the dogs' mother said...

I don't watch award shows but I rely on Bob for the Important Stuff - the fashion!!

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

I'm with you on almost all of this but I disagree with you on Julia Roberts. I thought she looked like she dressed for a cocktail party at a relative's house and not television's biggest night of the year. I wonder if she wears flip flops and thinks she has shoes on.

Somehow you overlooked the pink mess worn by Lena Dunham that would've pushed Nina Garcia into raging fits. Perhaps you blocked it out ... good idea.

You should be a guest judge on Project Runway!

Fun post!

MAC said...

I missed the Emmys, but with your detailed recap of the show and fashions, I feel like I was there. Great job my friend!😃