I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gigi Hadid has bangs, y’all.

That’s the headline after Hadid broke up with Zayn Malik, with whom she shares a daughter, Khai, after Zayn ALLEGEDLY physically and verbally assaulted Gigi’s mother, Yolanda Hadid, during an argument in September.

But Gigi got bangs!

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After news broke that Funny Girl would return to Broadway and that  Beanie Feldstein [left]—who played Monica Lewinsky in Impeachment: American Crime Story—will star as Fanny Brice, one former Glee star, Lea Michele [right] , was said to be devastated.

You see, Ryan Murphy, who produced Glee and, ironically, Impeachment: American Crime Story, wanted to buy the rights to Funny Girl for Michele, but his deal fell through, and the new producing team probably heard stories about Michele’s horrible reputation and went with Feldstein, after which Lea, trying to save her already horrid reputation, rather than sh*tting in Feldstein’s ‘Monica’ beret—something she wanted to do to a Glee extra—Michele replied to Beanie’s Instagram post about her new gig:

“Yes! YOU are the greatest star! This is going to be epic!” 

Actually, my guess is that Lea had someone else type that while she was screaming and tearing her hair out. Anyway, more time has passed and Lea  wants y’all to know that she is still super happy about Beanie getting the role; it’s fine, y’all, really. And we know this because Lea said so in a podcast:

“There’s been so much talk about me coming to Broadway—and not coming to Broadway! Listen, I am so unbelievably excited to see Funny Girl on Broadway. I cannot wait. I had drinks with [director] Michael [Mayer] the other day, and I just think that Beanie is an incredible choice for the production, and I think it’s going to be so wonderful. I can’t wait to see Jane [Lynch] in it as well. I think that a lot of people always put me in the lane with Funny Girl because, of course, I love the show and the music. But I did get to do a lot of it on Glee.”

Wow, the thirst is real; first she does “drinks” with the director, and then of course mentions how many people thought she should play Fanny and how many times she’s sung the role. And then she adds:

“There were so many shows and so many roles that I would love to play, and I’m so grateful that Broadway is back now. But for me to come back to Broadway… Maybe I am coming back to Broadway!”

If I were Beanie I’d be looking for marbles on the stairs or baby oil drizzled on the stage because Lea is coming to Broadway … though she’ll need a ticket.

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Well well well … 40-year-old Paris Hilton finally tied a man down.

Last week she married 40-year-old Carter Reum during a three-day-wedding that was filmed for a reality show so that neither Paris nor Carter had to actually pay for it. And that might be a good thing because now we know that Carter has a secret nine-year-old daughter that he takes care of financially, though he’s only seen her once in her life.

And Paris hopes to have children with this man? Good luck.

Sidenote: he looks like a terrible father in that photo.

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Sorry not sorry, but as Erika Jayne and soon-to-be ex-husband Tom Girardi are still fighting the We Stole From Burn Victims and Orphans to Fund Our Lavish Lifestyle scenario, comes word that their home they are selling has now been knocked down in price …again.

The Pasadena mansion hit the market earlier this year for $13 million but as no one put an offer on the place, the price was dropped two months later to $11.5 million, then dropped again to $9.98 million, and has been dropped again, down 37% to from the original price to just $8 million.

And is still sitting empty.

Sorry, not sorry.

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I Didn't Say It

Trevor Noah, on the Kenosha Murder:

“Nobody drives into a city with guns because they love someone else’s business. That’s some bullshit. No one has ever thought, ‘Oh, it’s my solemn duty to pick up a rifle and protect that TJ Maxx.’ They’re doing it because they’re hoping to shoot someone.”

That kid wanted to shoot people, not help people, and he got his wish.

Now, could I get my wish and see his privileged whiny bitch ass locked up for years?

Asking for a country sick of white people murdering people of color and getting off scot-free.

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Tucker Carlson, Fox News liar, proving again he is a racist by questioning whether Vice President Kamala Harris is really “from” the United States because she went to high school in Canada:

“The one thing we know for sure about Kamala Harris is we should all be very, very grateful to have her because she’s historic for reasons that no one ever explains. But there’s a lot we don’t know about Kamala Harris. Most people probably don’t know she really grew up in Canada, where she went to high school. She’s not from this country in that sense, or she’s certainly also from Canada. Why haven’t we heard that?”

So, if you’re born in this country but go to high school in Canada you are not from America. Well, I forgot one thing, if you’re person of color born in this country but go to high school in Canada you are not from America.

Racist; fuck off.

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Gene Simmons, KISS, on anti-vaxxers:

“If you’re willing to walk among us unvaccinated, you are an enemy. I don’t care about your political beliefs. You are not allowed to infect anybody just because you think you’ve got rights that are delusional, of course. You don’t have the right to go through a red light—actually, the government has the right to tell you to stop. You have to put on a seatbelt. If they tell you [that] you can’t smoke in a building, you can’t smoke in a building. And that’s not because they want to take away your rights, it’s because the rest of us hate it! We don’t want to smell your smoke. I don’t want to catch your disease. I don’t want to risk my life just because you want to go through a red light. This whole idea—this delusional, evil idea that you get to do whatever you want and the rest of the world be damned—is really terrible. We’ve gotta identify those people and bring them out into the open so you know who they are. Know who your friends are by how much they care about you. That includes COVID.”

The first two lines say everything. And I agree, though I would add that anyone who doesn’t get vaccinated and gets COVID and dies, kinda deserve it.

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Chris Christie, former New Jersey Governor, Thing 45 supporter, and flip-flopping hack, saying the insurrection was a result of Thing 45’s lies about the 2020 election:

“I think everything that he was saying from election night forward incited people to that level of anger. I think people minimize what happened on the 6th by pointing to the speech that he gave on the Ellipse on the 6^th. I don’t think [the racist traitors] would’ve gone there if they thought the election had been fair.”

And yet this flip-flopping mass of ignorance says he will vote for Thing 45 if he runs in 2024.

Please join Tucker in the Fuck Off Pile.

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Rupert Murdoch, Fox News boss, saying Thig 45 should stop focusing “on the past” and pushing The Big Lie:

“The current American political debate is profound, whether about education or welfare or economic opportunity. It is crucial that conservatives play an active, forceful role in that debate, but that will not happen if [Thing 45] stays focused on the past. The past is the past, and the country is now in a contest to define the future.”

Hey Ru? Why dontcha talk to your hellhounds on your own station that are also continuing to push The Big Lie. Oh, yeah, they line your pockets with coins so they can say what they want.

There’s space for you between Fucker and Krispy in the Fuck Off Pile.

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Ronna Romney McDaniel, Republican National Committee [RNC] Chairperson, apologizing to RNC members over a new LGBTQ+ outreach program:

“We would never, ever organize or communicate with organizations that undermine our values. You have my word on that. The goal of this new outreach is simply to get more voters to vote Republican in 2022. That’s it. We need to stay united. The mainstream press, Democrats, and organizations that are opposed to the RNC want nothing more than to divide and weaken us. We are thankful for every legal vote and welcome Americans from all backgrounds, communities, and organizations who understand the wisdom in voting for Republicans and the foundational principles that strengthen our nation.”

Ronna Romney McDaniel then issued an email apology to the RNC’s 168 members, assuring them that the GOP has no plans to actually support LGBTQ+ equality and that the initiative was merely a ploy to get LGBTQ voters to vote for Republicans anyway.

In other words, she blatantly lied, and admits to being a liar, because she’s a C U Next Tuesday and a Republican and that’s what they do.

Ronna? Dear? Go sit with the wingnuts. in the Fuck Off Pile. There's room on Christie's lap for a bigot.

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Bobservations

I have a morbid sense of humor and I love it; some folks, though, do not.

As y’all know, Gloria passed away last week, but she had been in declining health for several weeks before that. While we were in Oregon, we were having lunch in Portland and Carlos got a call from a Family Member. Family Member told Carlos Gloria was dying, and did he want to say his last goodbye; he did, and then I did. And then he and I sat in the restaurant and cried.

Thing was, Gloria did not die. A few days later Family Member called again; Gloria’s breathing was very shallow, she seemed to be unconscious, and her blood pressure was falling. We once again got on the phone and told her we loved her and all that she meant to us, and then we cried again.

And again, Gloria did not die. Family Member called us on two other occasions to tell us The End Was Near only to find out it was not. I reminded Carlos that Gloria never really liked Family Member, and that perhaps Gloria, because she was La Bruja , was feigning the dying, just to irk the Family Member.

And I may have been right, because the day Gloria passed, Family Member called us in the morning to say that Gloria had slept well, eaten a little something, and seemed to be very comfortable.

A few hours later she passed.

She went on her own timetable, her own terms, and not the one set by Family Member . I will love that forever.

Even Tuxedo can see that the GOP doesn’t run for office on what they can do for you, but they run on fear and scare tactics and threats that disappear as soon as the ballots are counted.

Rightwingnut and anti-vaxxer loon Sherri Tenpenny was one of the asshats at the ReAwaken America rally held last weekend at right-wing pastor John Hagee’s Cornerstone Church in Texas.

And how, other than being a rightwingnut and anti-vaxxer loon, do we know Tenpenny is a nut? Well, at that rally she called giving vaccines to children an effort to carry out “very, very, very, very late-term abortion.”

"Late term" as in five to thirteen years after the child is born. Seriously.

The Wyoming GOP has voted to no longer recognize Liz Cheney as a Republican because she is not a traitor to her country and a minion of Thing 45. On the other hand, the Wyoming GOP has no issue whatsoever with Paul Gosar, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert and Matt Gaetz.

That speaks volumes. 

As traitors and insurrectionists and rightwing snowflakes ransacked the Capitol on January 6, and Thing 45 stood watching and getting a wee orange woody in his pants, both Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin each thought about using the 25th Amendment to remove him from office.

The only trouble was that, by January 6, it was too late because it would have taken too long and the inauguration would have happened before Thing 45 was removed.

Now neither Pompeo nor Mnuchin will comment because … little bitches.

ABC News reporter Jonathan Karl's new book, Betrayal, gives an account of the final days Thing 45s administration and we learn how tone deaf and complicit the Feckless C*nt and her Eunuch behaved.

Ivanka and Jared had a dinner party at their home the night after the insurrection and never made a single mention of what happened the day before. Why? It appears it was because Ivanka hoped that by ignoring it she could set herself apart from it and one day run for President herself.

Feckless C*nt.

I can’t look at this and not laugh. This is an actual ad for condoms that has been appearing in Brazilian magazines and posters and on TV. It’s perfection.

Marjorie Taylor Greene says Speaker Pelosi has fined her over $60,500 in mask fines. She still refuses to wear a mask and is not vaccinated and seems proud to stand against the tide. But, when this asshat travels by plane, she is fully masked inside the airport and on the flight to avoid being removed from the flight and arrested.

She is, again, a pandering, lying hypocritical POS.

Just so we're clear that the judge in the Kenosha Murderer’s case is a biased racist fuckmonkey, remember that he dismissed the charge of  "possession of a dangerous weapon by a person under 18" even though the murderer was 17 when he killed two people in cold blood.

In this week’s edition of Would You Hit It we feature Anton Lap, a model, dancer, photographer and fitness trainer.

Would. You. Hit. It. Yes or No?

Architecture Wednesday: Woolland House

Ah, the Woolland House … a stunning seven-bedroom home with artist studio, coach house, stables, greenhouse and cottage, sits on roughly 17 acres of exquisite private gardens, meadows and lakes within the Dorset Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty.

Sounds heavenly … Woolland House is entered through a beautiful, cobbled courtyard, open at one side and with a fountain at its center. A contemporary, glazed atrium provides a walkway to the front entrance, offering incredible views through to the Great Hall and then out to the rolling gardens and fields beyond.

At its center is a double-height Great Hall with vaulted cathedral ceilings and hardwood parquet flooring. This leads into the western wing and an open-plan kitchen arranged around an island with an Aga cooker, a larder, a breakfast area, and glazed double doors to the dramatic rear terrace. Also within this wing is a large drawing room, study and utility room.

There are two bedrooms on the ground floor, along with two bathrooms, and four further bedrooms on the first floor, with three bathrooms between them. The Coach House is positioned on the eastern side of the house and provides self-contained one-bedroom accommodation over two levels. A separate annex is arranged over two levels and is divided into two one-bedroom apartments.

Once the home of the sculptor Dame Elisabeth Frink, the property still boasts her art studio, set apart from the main house and offering an enormous amount of versatile space over two levels. The beautiful grounds are home to a swimming pool, as well as trails that wind through tropical-planted woodland and open, green spaces dotted with giant redwoods and Lebanon cedars. At the base of the gardens is a lake filled with rainbow and brown trout, while closer to the main house there is a six-box stable and an Olympic-sized manège— an arena or enclosed area in which horses and riders are trained.

What a lovely B&B it would make, and it can be yours for just $5,735,375.00.

As always, click to emBIGGERate ...

 The Spaces

This Bitch: Iowa ReTHUGlican Governor Kim

This week a state audit report on government spending has accused Iowa’s ReTHUGlican Governor Kim Reynolds of using nearly $450,000 in federal coronavirus relief funds to pay salaries for 21 staff members for three months last year and then hiding the spending by passing it through the state Department of Homeland Security and Emergency Management.

Thief. Con artist. Liar. Who does that sound like?

State Auditor Rob Sand said a review of the state's payroll system shows the money was used to pay the ReTHUGlican governor's office staff, but it's unclear why she took federal money to pay state employees’ salaries:

"What is not clear, is why these salaries were not included in the governor's budget set prior to the fiscal year and prior to the pandemic. Based on this information, we conclude that the budget shortfall was not a result of the pandemic."

So where did the money go? Thief. Con artist. Liar.

Sand had asked ReTHUGlican Reynolds' office twice for documentation to support the spending and was told the governor's staff members during March, April, May and June of 2020 were fully focused on responding to COVID-19 and protecting Iowa but never provided proof of the expenditure on the COVID response. He then wrote to the ReTHUGlican governor to tell her that paying staff salaries without proper documentation likely wouldn't get federal approval but said they ignored his suggestion.

Alex Murphy, a spokesperson for ReTHUGlican Reynolds, said in a statement that the Treasury Department had allowed the use of coronavirus relief money to reimburse salaries for governors:

"During this time, the Governor's staff spent a vast majority of their time responding to the pandemic. In fact, many members of Gov. Reynolds' staff worked seven days a week out of the State Emergency Operation Center to provide direct support to Iowans. This has always been our justification for the expense. We are now working with Treasury to provide them documentation, per their request."

Wait, you’re working to provide documentation now? Why didn’t you provide that when you spent the money, the COVID money, on Reynold’s minions?

Oh yes … Thief. Con artist. Liar.

ReTHUGlican Reynolds addressed the issue in September only after Laura Belin, publisher of the liberal-leaning online blog Bleeding Heartland, reported on the issue. Reynolds said then that federal coronavirus relief law allowed salaries to be paid for workers whose job requirements were significantly changed due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Like staff members, secretaries, gofers, and such, who work for the governor, but not a penny went to front-line workers, doctors, nurses, hospitals, for overtime pay or equipment needed to keep them safe while carrying for COVID patients.

ReTHUGlican Governor Kim Reynolds used the money to pay her staff because … Thief. Con artist. Liar.

This Bitch. Kim Reynolds.

This Bitch. Her entire staff who took the money.

This Bitch. Iowa; for voting another ReTHUGlican criminal into office.

PS This newest The audit isn't the first time ReTHUGlican Governor Kim Reynolds has been found to have spent federal funds for nonapproved use. Back in December 2020, she was forced to return $21 million in COVID-19 relief money after using it to upgrade an outdated state information technology system.

Thief. Con artist. Liar. Bitch.

Goodbye My Tia

Our beloved Tia Gloria passed away on Saturday at the age of 95, after a short fight with cancer. I think she knew she had little time left, which was why she didn’t really put up a fight when Carlos wanted her to move back into the family home. This way she was surrounded by family as her health declined, and family was in the room with her as she breathed her last breath.

Gloria was a force … her brother, Carlos’ father, called her a witch, and not in the bitchy kind of way, but an actual witch. She was often called La Bruja, the witch, and it was a title she loved. But, like in Oz, she was a Good Witch not a Bad Witch.

Other than Carlos, Gloria was my first friend in Miami, and when I went to meet my future husband—though I didn’t know that at the time—and he had to work, she would take me around Miami, Over to Calle Ocho, and down to Little Havana; Coral Gables; Coconut Grove; Homestead. She took me to La Carreta where I had my first Caldo Gallego, and to this day when we go back, our first stop is La Carreta and that delicious Chicken Soup.

She took me to The Breakers in Palm Beach for a fancy lunch, and as we sat down, she asked me if I thought we should have a drink. I figured I’d let her set the tone and was prepared for her to order a White Zinfandel or a Strawberry Daiquiri or something. But La Bruja ordered a Kamikaze, and we toasted to our new friendship.

When I returned to Miami a few months later and began life with Carlos, she gave me a baseball cap, emblazoned with the word Angelito, because, to her she said, I was a Little Angel. OH, she came to find out I wasn’t so angelic, but to her I was always Angelito, and Carlos because The Other One.

She instantly made me a part of her family, and she instantly became my Tia. She eventually moved back to Mexico City but often came for visit, and when we moved to South Carolina, she would visit us here. Gloria’s favorite holiday was Thanksgiving—she loved the food and family, the same things I cherish—but as she was getting older, November in Camden was a bit cold. So, we would invite her up in March, as the weather here was turning warmer, for her birthday, and we would make her birthday dinner of turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce and pumpkin cheesecake. That’s my favorite memory of Gloria, smiling as we settled around the table and gave thanks to our Tia Bruja.

As with her life, Gloria’s death came on her own terms and when she was ready to go. We spoke every day, told we loved her, we would miss her, and that she could go when she was ready.

Last Saturday she was ready; she was holding the hand of a family member and closed her eyes for the last time. She was one of my first friends in Miami and became one of my treasured family members and I will miss her something awful.

I will miss her calls on my birthday and hearing her sing Happy Birthday through the phone. I will miss calling her on her birthday, and telling her that I really meant happy birthday, but if I sang, it wouldn’t be such a good thing.

Goodbye my friend …Rest In Peace.

The Funny Papers

David Fitzsimmons, Matt Wuerker, Darrin Bell, Marc Murphy, Bill Day, Mike Smith, Kevin Siers, Clay Bennett, Ed Hall, Nick Anderson, Michael de Adder, Drew Sheneman, Jack Ohman, David Horsey,